Bias against reserved men

MelissaMiranti · 2022-09-12T18:28:51+00:00

It can be difficult if you're a square peg and everyone expects you to be a round one, and they do what they can to cut away at you until you fit with their expectations. Even worse when much of the rhetoric coming from feminists is explicitly that dismissal of men's problems and complaints is the right thing to do.

dapperKillerWhale · 2022-09-12T16:38:52+00:00

Dont listen to what women say; look at what they do

Unit_08 · 2022-09-12T18:15:02+00:00

This is why I say change has to come from women first. There are men ready to leap at the chance to break gender roles, and they get squashed down for doing so. It's totally unfair to blame men for this situation.

OhRing · 2022-09-12T17:39:38+00:00

Embrace it. It’s who you are. I’m the same way and I’ve had a lot of temporary successes with women who drop me very quickly when they get to know me. Ultimately, I don’t see a way to change this except to say fuck all of these hypocrites and judgmental cunts of both genders.

There’s nothing wrong with you and you don’t need to defend yourself. You aren’t hurting anyone being the way you are. Just be honest and open about it with new partners. Many will do what you described, but not all. I’ve found unicorns and I’m definitely not the most attractive or charming guy out there.

Good luck out there.

hotpotato138 · 2022-09-12T19:03:51+00:00

Yeah, there are a lot of misandrists on social media who pretend like they aren't.

Better_Repeat · 2022-09-12T18:28:24+00:00

All the comments are blaming me for "demanding" things from women

It's interesting to contrast this with the derision men face in the mainstream for failing to meet womens' expectations in dating. See this post for examples and discussion. Seems like whatever we do, we're always the bad guys.

See also this glaring example of mainstream misandry, using the phenomenon of lonely men to push their twisted ideology. I dare say you'll never see an outlet like The Independent say that women have unreasonable expectations or criticising women for 'demanding' things from men in relationships. It's a shame, The Independent used to be a reputable news source, but now it is heavily biased, opinionated rot.

SexEleven · 2022-09-12T21:51:36+00:00

I feel you man. It’s because there has been no mens liberation movement. Feminism liberated women from gender roles so that they are praised for taking on traditional masculine ways of being, even one’s decried rightly as mean, selfish, arrogant, etc. But men were never liberated. Men are still viewed as pussy/gay/weak/loser/failure if they embody traditionally feminine ways of being. But it’s not everybody. There really are women out there who will be attracted to you for who you really are and agree that macho bullshit is just a mask. It just takes time. I had to fail with women for 22 years until I found some, although I admit that I first got successful at attracting women by pretending to be more confident and dick-ish. But eventually I found girlfriends who were attracted to the real me. I hope you can too. I know you can. We accept you and support you.

BloomingBrains · 2022-09-12T19:04:56+00:00

You're not alone. Except for the part where women are initially fetishizing it, as you put it. That's really interesting because its never happened for me and I don't see that happening anywhere. Maybe things are different where you live so IDK. But other than that, I feel the same way.

It really weird to me that in the age of me too and hypersensitivity towards sexual harassment, the type of man least likely to do such things isn't valued. All I see is (for the most part) loud, boisterous, cocksure guys having most of the attention from most women. Not all guys like that are predators, obviously, but isn't it more likely? You hear so many women saying they don't want to be approached basically anywhere anymore whether its at work, school, a hobby, the street, etc. The shy men are the ones that most respect that.

One thing I've noticed is that the farther back you go in history, the more you see that romantic poets, passionate artists, etc. were "chads" of their time. I.E. Lord Byron. One theory could be that shy, reserved men were less common in those times, making them more valuable and attractive, but since they are more commonplace today, its the opposite, and the more aggressive, "warrior like" man is more valued.

This even seems to be a fairly recent generational thing. I remember having a talk with my father in my early 20's. He told me that he was really shocked to hear I was having so much trouble with getting women interested in me, since I'm a sensitive, emotional type.

Interesting_Doubt_17 · 2022-09-13T10:43:43+00:00

I started to realize something:

Some of these people who are so biased against lonely/shy/unmasculine etc. men are the same individuals who probably have never had to deal with being lonely which makes them speak from a place of privilege.

This is ironic cause those are the same idiots who constantly tell others to "check their privilege"

devasiaachayan · 2022-09-12T18:26:32+00:00

I have the same problem and I feel you. Being reserved as a man is quite probably ruining my whole life rn and is making me suicidal. I do have a girlfriend but she has got long distance due to our college and she's a rare woman who just happens to love my personality and she's kinda like me herself(tbf when I First met her I was on a peak and have dropped off drastically). Real bummer though is in college where everyone kinda is starting to hate me for being "weird". Its also because of my inconsistent behavior. One day I'll be making 6 friends and the next day I get very reserved making them feel I'm very weird or autistic. Maybe I should see a psychologist but they're also kinda cunty towards men like me. My reservation has also made me lose lot of opportunities because all the opportunities are being hoarded by a circle of popular kids and teachers also like them more. I am great at leadership roles (I'm not a shy person) and this helped me achieve a lot in school but since I'm new in college things have got really tough and things have gone downhill massively.

Roquentin · 2022-09-13T04:48:07+00:00

Be what women find attractive. They owe you nothing

Reckless-Pessimist · 2022-09-15T21:08:47+00:00

Would you care to link the post Id be happy to go to bat for you.

Title	Bias against reserved men
Author	Sorry-Difference5942
Upvotes	132
Comments	37
Date	September 12, 2022 4:16 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/xcgzb9/bias_against_reserved_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/bias-against-reserved-men.1131281 https://theredarchive.com/post/1131281

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