Virgin Shaming

Innameonly234 · 2021-04-15T16:53:04+00:00

One of the things I've hated is that some women claim that men are obsessed with sex, but then start to reduce men to sex and sexuality.

Either women won't fuck you, or you can't please women is pretty much a go to insult for some of these people, and the reason is simple. As much as they talk about abolishing toxic norms, they cannot separate from the fact that they judge men by how well he performs sexually.

I've been virgin shamed before, and the implication is that somehow I must have been so awful no woman wants to have sex with me. As in my life and opinions really only mattered if I was fuckable, and the irony is palpable. Virgin shaming is alive and well, because it exists as a good cheap shot.

Now I can go into weird ass analysis but its pretty incelly and I'm leaving that part of me behind.

helloiseeyou2020 · 2021-04-15T16:23:57+00:00

I was made fun of one time for it back in the day, but it was a man. Most people just assumed i wasnt. Then one day I wasnt and, shocker, the Earth didnt move

Itasenalm · 2021-04-15T19:00:22+00:00

I was virgin shamed by a group of modern feminists, after I lost my virginity. I just didn’t tell them because it wasn’t any of their business and my life doesn’t revolve around sex, unlike theirs seems to.

Suicidal_Alone · 2021-04-15T17:03:27+00:00

ah I'm sorry that happened to you, that's bs brother, don't take it to hearth

I think you're alluding to a good point. I think its always harder on someone when the person who belongs to the gender they're sexually attracted to is mean to them in some way. But also, I think because of media and all of that, we have more of the expectation that women are going to be nice. I think I've seen for example that women are more trusted when first meeting people. But this is something men need to change too. Some women are jerks and to some extent its on us to show appreciation for the ones that are actually nice

bananachipking · 2021-04-15T19:31:03+00:00

I've had multiple women shame me for being a virgin. Then once a woman actually got to see my penis saw how small it was and would not have sex with me. People really need to talk about the traumatic effect women's shaming of men has on their psychology.

mrmensplights · 2021-04-16T03:35:08+00:00

perhaps because of the way I had naively always seen women up to that point: sensitive and gifted with emotional intelligence

Don’t worry, this is actually pretty common. This is a hard lesson to learn for boys and one of those things that contribute most to the pain of growing up.

Young people become familiar with their own gender early but the opposite remains a bit of a mystery, and we will that mystery with what we’ve been taught to be true. We are bombarded with messages all our lives that boys are bad and girls are good. Countless TV show plots of boys fighting while the girls cry and sue for peace. Sugar and spice, snips and snails.

None of it’s true.

Girls can be every bit as shitty, ignorant, and depraved as the worst bully or biggest douche you can imagine. They are every bit as capable of becoming embittered, angry, spiteful. Of course, They are also capable of being magnanimous, intelligent, wise, open, loving, and generous, and everything in between.

In short: women are people; as are we all.

Modern society tries very hard to have you believe that the human condition can be partitioned, assigning a few negative attributes to men and many positive ones to women, but it doesn’t work that way - the human condition applies equally to everyone.

LegendaryX42 · 2021-04-15T17:18:45+00:00

Feminists be like "we gotta end sexual objectification and toxic masculinity" then literally base a man's value off of how often he can make a girl cum LMAO

RubberDingo · 2021-04-16T04:00:04+00:00

You're not alone. I can remember it happening to me and around me. And can remember once telling friends virgin shaming to STFU because I was they only one with proof I'd even had sex ie I had a kid early in life. IMO Every time some one uses INCEL as an insult, they are perpetuating the very notions of masculinity they claim to oppose; the idea that a man's value and worth is determined by how much sex a man has had and how many people that man has had sex with. When you virgin shame (I'm talking to you feminists) you are the one saying a man's value is determined by sexual desirability or conquest.

18Apollo18 · 2021-04-16T02:40:59+00:00

Never personally but I've noticed that men who are virgins are considered losers and men who have had multiple sexual partners are considered asshole players, you can't win

OG_walrus · 2021-04-16T05:55:11+00:00

"Lol found the incel"

BloomingBrains · 2021-04-16T21:39:02+00:00

Virgin shaming says more about the person that does it than the person being "shamed". Because when I hear "you're a virgin, lol" what they're really saying is "I have extremely callous standards about attractiveness and a mechanical view of sex because I have so little value that sex is the only value I can understand, and I rightfully feel insecure about that, so I'm making fun of you for not living up to my standards to make myself feel better".

It reminds me a lot of this, actually.

But no, it hasn't happened to me personally (at least as far as I can remember in my adult life). Maybe in high school or something. But I have talked to other men that have basically implied a woman didn't/wouldn't like me for being too "virgin-ey", etc.

AltAccount12772 · 2021-04-15T20:12:54+00:00

Tbh I've only ever been virgin shamed by other guys (who most definitely weren't feminists), but I understand that my experiences are purely anecdotal.

MeatyElfThighs · 2021-04-16T23:18:15+00:00

Oh, my own mother did it. We were having an argument a good ten years back while she was drunk out of her mind(Her husband broke up with her the day I moved out of the house so she came to live with me, and just...completely lost control of her life for a year and a half) and she decided it was a cute parting shot. She wasn't even right, but she thought so.

I punted her in the taint from behind on her way out.

GavRhino · 2021-07-05T04:28:05+00:00

This really bothers me- and it’s very common in the media- a person’s value isn’t determined by how many people they’ve done it with. Some people are asexual; some people might feel uncomfortable around the topic; some people might just be waiting for the right person and haven’t found them (which is completely OK, but insults get thrown around about that sort of thing); some people might not feel an emotional connection/chemistry with a person to do it; some people might be religious; and some people might not be any of those things and still don’t see it as something to be ashamed of. After all, it’s a pretty big decision to make and you can’t undo it. But unfortunately, society sees it differently- peer-pressure is very powerful, especially now that the word ‘incel’ is thrown around as an insult so often (being very careful in discussing this because I’m well aware of the misogynistic negative connotations from that word; I’m more talking about how the portmenteau itself shouldn’t be used as an insult); and stuff like ‘can’t get laid’. We should have moved on from that sort of societal attitude- it’s rather ironic considering that these people are often (rightly) against misogyny, but try pushing that sexist ideology which is both 1) misogynistic because those women are essentially saying that they’re sexual beings to be conquered; and 2) misandristic because it tells men that their worth is determined by how many sexual encounters they’ve had.

Also, just wanted to say this subreddit spreads their message in a much better way than the main MensRights subreddit :) I’ve posted in that sub before but ultimately, sometimes I saw some pretty hateful stuff from the users in there (you don’t fight hate with further hate), so I think I’ll stick with this one instead now.

Title	Virgin Shaming
Author	stosenzanafta94
Upvotes	212
Comments	76
Date	April 15, 2021 2:33 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/mrfx8x/virgin_shaming/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/virgin-shaming.1061552 https://theredarchive.com/post/1061552

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