How to move on?

mobius_stripped · 2015-05-19T17:48:51+00:00

AWALT, let's not kid ourselves, it was probably at least 3 Handjobs (western society's rule of 3 with women). I see this post and it's full of rancor. So you've stated that you want to stay with this woman then you have to get past it, the naked HJ. And you're clearly in the anger phase. I'm right there with you, brother. I spent the weekend thinking, I get nothing out of my marriage.

Anyway, my wife probably is running 50 lies of omission on me. Not because she's a devious person but because she's a woman. She's rationalized everything in her world to not be a lie or terrible, according to her little hamster. If AWALT is true which we believe it to be then you and every other man out there are married to liars. The thing you and I have to get over is that's the way women are programmed. We have to accept them for who they are. Anyway, use your rancor and anger to hit the gym. Increase your SMV. Reframe your frame. You and I will eventually get past this anger phase. Good luck.

theultmatecad · 2015-05-19T23:15:47+00:00

I think you learned that women are liars. All of them. I think you are angry for following a blue pill path with an unattracrive woman because you thought you had to.

Now you are angry.

This is a phase. You will now focus on your life and it's going to work out perfectly. No easy fix for sure

So moving on means moving forward towards YOUR dreams and goals. The happiness will come and the anger will fade

taon4r5 · 2015-05-19T17:38:15+00:00

I suspect it's just my different culture talking, but dude, grow up and get over it or get out if it bothers you that much. No matter how much you grind yourself or her up about it, it won't change the past -- it won't. It just won't change.

This only matters to you because it matters to you. Can I put it any more simply?

You've now devolved into building a whole philosophy about the "LIE OF OMISSION" being the great destroyer and your fixation on how she was 'practically' naked with someone.

Stop it. It's not helping you, it's not helping her.

You can only deal with your own shit, and this upset is YOUR SHIT. This is YOUR upset. Being upset about this and setting up a philosophy by which a perceived slight against you is grounds for taking everything else apart is YOUR decision.

Yes, this is all filtered through the lens of my Western experience. You can discard it all if you like. I'm fine with that.

You want to stay with this woman and continue life with her? Then jump in with both feet and work on yourself. But I don't think you'll do that -- you've convinced yourself she's dead to you. You have one foot on the dock and one on the boat. You're going to end up in the water.

whinemoreplease · 2015-05-19T18:26:28+00:00

that in my community there are woman who genuinely do not mess around with guys before they are married.

wat?... are you kidding? you're making an assumption that high value attractive women ... wat?

you're deluding yourself if you think this. I seriously doubt this in any society that's considered modern.

imo, your problem is, was, and always will be your lack of experience with women and your inability to understand them.

however to me and guys like me(yes there are plenty who believe in this) it’s a fucking HUGE deal.

there are plenty of guys like you in the west. they're called beta neckbeard virgin loser white knight faggots. there are plenty of men who pedestal women without cause b/c of any number of reasons.

it's not really surprising she kept this from you because look at the way you're melting down like an emotional baby now that you know. she probably knew you'd melt down from the onset of your relationship.

anyway, i'm pretty sure your issue is still you. you're looking pretty pathetic from my perspective.

Knoxvillyn · 2015-05-19T18:30:37+00:00

i get how you feeeeel that your situation is the same as a westerner finding out that his wife did 3sums and orgies before they met....but that's not even close to the same thing. BUT, if this is as big of a deal as you've been making it out to be....fuck man, just next the twat.

However, since you're so reluctant to leave...."the lean athletic guy" reeks to me of lanky futbol player. Since she seems fine being overweight, i'm seeing a gross overestimation of your own SMV.

I can appreciate your situation here guy, but for fuck sake, stop whining about it and kick her outa the house, or get the fuck over it. And LIFT more, less futbol.

dandar4600 · 2015-05-19T19:11:39+00:00

However I have come to realize and face the fact and reality that in my community there are woman who genuinely do not mess around with guys before they are married.

Only if they were kept on chains locked in their house and taken out in a burka with a male guardian dedicated to being with her 100% of the time she was not home. In other words only true if here family is 100% strict with her. Otherwise AWALT. Women are people too. Be happy it was just a handjob, most guys in civilized society don't marry a virgin. Sure, some guys will deflower a girl (I deflowerd 2 in my time with 2nd being my wife) but even my wife gave some dude a hand before I met her.

Here's the deal. Do you think you could divorce, and get a virgin as your new wife? Would you believe her 100 percent? You know they offer surgeries now for women to fool husbands into thinking they are virgins.

So if you think you can divorce her and get a virgin then if it will make you happy do that. Otherwise get over yourself and get over it. You sound pathetic whining about it every two weeks. Oh and get your wife on a diet. She loses those 35 pounds she will become more attractive to you.

jacktenofhearts · 2015-05-20T00:39:05+00:00

I feel as if she owes me an apology but I know that is not RP principle however I cannot continue living like this as I feel no love or attraction for this woman any longer but I do not want to feel this way.

Look man, this is your problem. You were never all that attracted to your wife, you've only gotten less attracted to her as she's gradually become more and more of a fatass. But you thought she was pious and would be a devoted wife and good mother, which your culture taught to value.

You negotiated your own desire, when you think about it. You made a compromise with yourself. You convinced yourself you'd be okay with a homely wife, as long as she was pious. Well, turns out she's not even pious, at least for your culture's definition of "pious." Hence your agony.

Ask yourself this: if your wife was a hot piece of ass and was hot and horny for you all the time, would you really have a problem that she touched some other dude's penis ten years ago? I doubt it, because in this scenario, you didn't negotiate your own desire. There's no "I got the short end of the stick" feeling, because you got the end of the stick you wanted all along.

Hence your agony.

Give it to me straight gent’s bare knuckles, as Hard as you want. Lets get this this started.

You can't restore your wife's piety anymore. You know the truth, there's no going back.

I wonder if you could accept your wife's lack of piety if she could become that hot piece of ass you should've held out for all along. If she got her ass in shape and made an effort to make sure her husband was always getting most attractive and most sexually free version of herself. Because isn't that what you really want, anyway?

If so, I would focus your efforts there. Your frame is this: from your point of view, satisfying the husband includes being sexually satisfied, and, right now her appearance isn't sexually satisfying. Doesn't matter how many blowjobs she gives you, you're only sexually satisfied by a wife who holds herself to the same physical standards that you do for yourself.

How you communicate this is up to you, and I can't give you much specific advice here. I don't know much about Islam, but it's possible you could find some religious passages about wives needing to satisfy their husbands. Or if you feel you're otherwise adhering to Red Pill principles and have the right frame and foundation, you could just overtly tell her this is what you need to stay married. Otherwise, reinforce this message with Dread. If she's not willing to take care of her appearance, she's weakening the bonds of your marriage.

If she gets the message and drops the weight, I think this would let you let go of your resentment. Yeah, some dude got some handjob back in the day, but you're getting the new and improved sexy version of her that sucks your dick on command and satisfies all your kinks. Red Pill says a woman's SMV declines rapidly with age, but that's on an absolute scale. At least to me, a fit 36 year old is always going to be more attractive than a 22 year old hambeast.

Also realize that all men in MRP have to do some version of this "hamstering" to be satisfied in our marriages anyway. We already know, by definition, other dudes got to fuck our wives without any of the commitment we gave. But we accept that we're getting a "version" of them those other guys didn't.

So I think that's the way you should approach this. Figure out what "version" of your wife allows you accept this reality, make it clear to her this is what you expect from her in your marriage, and follow through. She doesn't "owe" you this, but it's simply what she needs to do for your marriage to survive.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-05-20T01:38:19+00:00

No more words for you except one: Time.

Be sure you take enough of it before you blow this all to shit. At some point you WILL get over it. From what you have written I just bet it is best for you if that is before the divorce rather than after.

rediscover03 · 2015-05-20T11:43:32+00:00

It's all relative. What you need to do is read and research other people (bios, blogs etc) and see how men have bounced back from much tougher situations before. It will help you realize your delusion is a tempest in a teapot relative to others' life issues and it will give you some tools and techniques on how to look at the world now that you've learned some things were not what you thought they were.

TheGreasyPole · 2015-05-21T11:41:17+00:00

Yes I want to stay with this Woman and continue life with her

Then stop thinking about the past. It's gone. Done.

The Lie that I lived for the 10 years is killing me

And the only person who can stop that is you. Look to the future.

Look to the life of truth you can now lead, having gathered information on what is the truth. Having integrated and accepted that. Having rid your head of the old lies and religious mis-directions that were in there.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Make the most of it.

Don't let the past sour and poison the new you. Be happy in your new clean, truthful mind. Enjoy it.

It's already got easier, hasn't it ? Maybe not a lot...but a bit... This too is passing. That small easing you got over the past month ? That will become a big easing over 6 months, an even bigger easing over 12.

At 12 months, if it's still a major problem... Then you may have to take drastic action.

At 1 month in ? This too will pass. Give yourself enough time for it's magic to work.

Being a man means mastering your own mind. We can't do it for you.

walkingdeadbed · 2015-05-19T18:13:05+00:00

You say you want to stay with this woman. But then you say you are checking out. You need to own your shit, and the way YOU feel about her past is YOUR shit.

You can't be obsessed with this handjob and stay with her. Either get over it or get over her.

captainbloodd · 2015-05-19T23:54:51+00:00

Rules like No friends of the opposite sex

Yes stupid

Whats so stupid about that?

Title	How to move on?
Author	ZeeyardSA
Upvotes	7
Comments	48
Date	May 19, 2015 5:22 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/36ijfr/how_to_move_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/how-to-move-on.201890 https://theredarchive.com/post/201890

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