OI & Affection

BluepillProfessor · 2015-08-21T19:46:36+00:00

Normally I am a touchy feely, huggy type of guy but I don't think you give her cuddles until you get what you want.

She wants cuddles because she rejected her husband and needs to be reassured that he is just a lowly orbiter she can deny with no consequences? Fuck...That...Noise.

"I would be direct. Snookums, I had a hard on last night and now you want to send me to work with a hard on. I will cuddle you tonight if you are good." Then pat her on the head and get up.

IanIronwood · 2015-08-21T14:11:16+00:00

"I don't cuddle without foreplay." "I'm too tired." "Sorry, I'm just not in touch enough with my emotions right now." "I don't feel fresh."

If she doesn't get the hint, calmly explain to her that men have a much easier time engaging in nonsexual physical affection after sex. It's in your manly nature. You appreciate her desire not to have sex and her subsequent rejection of you; but the consequence of that is you have a much harder time relating emotionally when your sexual desires aren't met. Speak calmly, thoughtfully, informatively, and without emotional content.

Many women don't have a practical understanding of how male psychosexuality works, just as most men are clueless about the biological ecosystem of the vagina. Both sexes need to be educated about the other, and this is a much bigger issue than most husband's suspect.

Remember, your wife starts out thinking your sexuality is like hers, only stupider. For her she needs emotional intimacy before sexual intimacy, and once that need for emotional intimacy is met she can often forego actual sex. This way lies betacization.

For men, we need sexual intimacy before we feel comfortable expressing our emotions non-sexually. This is ass-backwards from how female psychosexuality works, so you must first inform her, educate her, and do so with enough confidence that she sees it as a new hamster-worthy nugget, and not a whiny bitching.

Thing is, it's not that we don't like to cuddle. For menfolk the context of the cuddling matters, just like for women the context of the sex matters. Are we cuddling out of genuine affection? Duty? Love? Post-orgasmic bliss? Gratitude for fellatio? For us the reasons we cuddle matter.

A woman demanding cuddles is like a man demanding a blowjob. Without preamble and context, indulging in such comfort-building behavior before we've had our sexual masculinity validated feels cheap. She might really NEED to cuddle . . . but then there are times when you really NEED a blowjob.

Being aware of this can help both of you navigate the interpersonal issues in a way that allows you to make well-informed choices.

Countpudyoola · 2015-08-21T13:58:15+00:00

No sex = no afterglow.

/u/RedWagonChronicles 's approach is good. Or "Oh shit I forgot,X" and leap up. She doesn't get the feels, but you've got to hamstring any direct correlation which would equal butthurtedness. You're just not feeling like that or interested in sharing moments like that with someone who isn't intimate with you. She has to figure that one out.

I don't think the "Again?" was a biggie. Especially as it conveyed a surprise.

UEMcGill · 2015-08-21T15:47:25+00:00

Don't know how your equipment works but me, even at 43 I can turn a cuddle into a quickie. Personally I always make it about sex. Cuddling is her reward.

"Spoon me"

"Sure". Pulls her pants down

"Hmmmm" this feels nice....

5 minutes later, good morning pound town.

She knows what's the possibility if she asks for sex. Teach your wife the same.

RedWagonChronicles · 2015-08-21T13:33:26+00:00

Ignore and redirect. I'll just get up and say hey I'm going to make some coffee you want some? And then get right out of bed ignoring any action or word that has to with cuddling.

RPMahoutsukai · 2015-08-21T15:03:15+00:00

Cuddling with her won't lead to sex. So don't get into covert contracts here. You don't have to cuddle with her to get sex later, nor will cuddling with her increase your chances of getting laid.

If anything, not giving her cuddles can increase your chances to get sex. But you don't have to rely on it anyway. When you progress enough down the MRP path you'll get laid like a tile regardless. It's inevitable, just a matter of time.

That said, do what you please. Want to cuddle? Cuddle. Don't want to? Don't explain yourself. Stand up and go do something. You may tell her you're not in the mood (you aren't, it's the truth) but you don't have to. Don't make it look like you're doing it on purpose.

Finally, I think that hinting her that for men cuddling is linked to having sex, is negotiating desire (even though the almighty /u/IanIronwood is suggesting it). Therefore in my opinion it is not something you should be doing. Don't try to exchange cuddles for sex.

irateMD · 2015-08-21T17:25:17+00:00

My wife used to do this all the time, either the same evening as the rejection of sex or the next morning. Two things fixed it. One was a slap on the ass or joke, then getting up to go about my day. More importantly was consistent OI in the face of rejection. Now the cuddle requests are reasonable and occasional. Rejections have become rare though, so you may want to take what I say with a grain of salt.

spexer · 2015-08-21T21:27:54+00:00

If she wants to cuddle the morning after saying NO to sex, then immediately start escalating the cuddling to having sex. If she rejects you. Then just say ok (play it cool) and go take a quick shower.

If this leads to the argument that you wont spend time with her unless you are having sex. Then say the following.

"My desire to make love to you, which is how I want to spend time with you, is not something to worry about."

"If I stop wanting to have sex with you - that is when you should worry."

Then go get busy and let he hamster chew on that.

Metalaggeddon · 2015-08-22T02:06:25+00:00

There's an awful lot of talking in this thread, and not acting.

She turns you down soft? Push again. She turns you down hard? Go do something else. Don't be jimmied. You don't even need to speak with her. The actions are the message. Disappear or dissociate.

Afterwards the next morning, she wants cuddles? Initiate. She turns you down? Disappear. Rinse and repeat.

This of course will only work positively if your value is above hers, and she's dreading that. If she knows you can get someone else really easily, she'll respond with matching your requirements, and happily.

If she doesn't think that's likely, she won't.

I think the underlying issues are talking too much, and possibly not having the proof and smv for passive dread. (if you do, then I'm guessing it's inconsistent in presentation and proof)

jessalon · 2015-08-21T13:59:26+00:00

She's not entitled to your time and energy. If the cuddling feels like a waste of time to you, go do more important stuff.

DON'T think about her "jollies" or harbor any resentment. She doesn't even know what's she's doing and is really only aware of her own feelings.

She doesn't care about your butthurt feelings or resentfulness. She doesn't know "what the big deal is" so don't make a big deal out of it. Just do your own thing treat that situation like a monkey with a handgun, don't try to reason with it or wrestle the gun away, but just exit the room and lock the door behind you.

Title	OI & Affection
Author	walkingdeadbed
Upvotes	12
Comments	37
Date	August 21, 2015 1:30 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3huhr4/oi_affection/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/oi-affection.201169 https://theredarchive.com/post/201169

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