Passive Aggressiveness and Hints

strategos_autokrator · 2015-03-30T19:33:59+00:00

since she begins to believe what she is feeling.

AWALT, and you can't fix their emotions. Their emotions are theirs.

How do you deal with this passive aggressive behavior?

Like any other shit test. In this case, either Ignore, or Agree and Amplify (change the letters to something funnier), or just bring it up with some amused mastery as the most amusing thing she has done in a while.

I also never been able to talk things rationally with her, so not sure if talking will solve anything either.

AWALT.

I don’t like this behavior and I think me ignoring it is doing more harm than good.

Maintain frame. This is super common. It is women trying to make us responsible for their feelings. Never fall for that.

Here is a great post on this subject that opened my eyes.

(Finally, is she in her PMS right now?)

exbp · 2015-03-30T19:14:28+00:00

It is like I am dealing with a child who can’t talk things rationally.

Ummm, guess why it's like that? No really, many women are not brought up to mature much past about teenager level. They have it planted in their minds that some man is going to come along and sweep her up, so no need to bother learning to work out problems, accountability, responsibility, etc. With boys and men falling all over themselves trying to get in their pants, they learn quickly what they can get away with. I won't say AWALT but I think they all have this to some degree.

But she's expecting you to be her rock. You need to be the mature one and get her to talk about what's bothering her. Don't put up with hysterics or disrespect, and don't attempt to solve anything, just make her put it out there. Waiting for her is just putting yourself through wondering what's wrong for days/weeks/months.

Be very wary of lies when combined with a passive-aggressive nature. That hamster can rationalize anything because it sees itself suffering in silence for long periods of time.

Redneck001 · 2015-04-01T01:25:32+00:00

My wife has that thing up in our foyer.

I like your wife's humor. I'd laugh it off and tell her "at least that's original", smile, and go on about my business. Personally, I wouldn't give it much thought or much attention.

marxistbacon · 2015-03-30T19:37:10+00:00

Wow. That "ugh" thing is actually kind of funny, though. Did she threaten to hold her breath until she passes out too? But I feel for you. Passive-aggressive behaviour from her really calls for assertive clear behaviour from you. (WISNIFG is a great book for tactics to deal with the whole passive-aggressive thing).

Obviously I have no idea what triggered this. But in general, do NOT throw back emotionally charged replies, like getting snarky and acusing her back of being passive aggressive or "you're not behaving rationally". She wants attention and she wants to feel like she's in the right, and is some kind of "victim" so she can feel bad. Using statements that can be taken as accusatory will just feed into that dynamic, making her feel more victimized, therefore more "right" in her anger/whatever, and making the whole thing bigger.

The sulking and the hinting are all the same thing. She is trying to project her judgement of something about you, onto you and into your frame. But she's doing this by trying to make HER emotions YOUR problems, You can show her you see her emotions but are not going to fix them or offer responsibility for them. 'It looks like you're upset. If you want to talk, you know where I'll be. Going to finish splitting that wood in the yard now." And get some shit done on your time. You detach yourself from any idea that you have to fix her emotions, or manage them. Just because she can;t manage them doesn't mean you need to. So stay calm and neutral when you talk - again, read WISNIFG and read up on all the tactics there. There's a quick summary here.

rediscover03 · 2015-03-30T18:48:03+00:00

Man that sucks. My wife does shit like this but then a day or two into it she can't take it anymore and comes to be with the issues (and blame, of course) and for me to fix her emotional shit.

My initial reaction and advice is to ignore. Let your frame eventually win out the day. (Bluepillprofessor had similar advice for me recently, which I see starting to work: something along the lines of your frame is of a happy/dominant/successful leader. Her is one of bitchy/negative/shitty attitude. Whose frame will win out the day?). You know it (maybe now post RP even more) that if you bring up the "honey, what's wrong?" she's going to throw you under the bus for a lot of random shit and then you have to excuse and explain yourself. So I'd look for funny, indirect ways to "break her" and get her to vent without putting you in a position where you'd defend yourself. Good luck.

TheGreasyPole · 2015-03-30T19:35:48+00:00

Rearrange the letters into "vag love"

If you can find a way to get a question mark on the end even better. "vag, love ?"

EDIT: Dammit. Strategos beat me to the letter gag in the two minutes I was typing. If I hadn't spent 2m working with the letters I'd have pipped him. Pretty sure vag love is the best possible, unless you have other letters available. Have the kids got big letter bricks ? Letter fridge magnets ? You could start an A&A war !

Fastbac · 2015-03-30T21:02:13+00:00

Evil Gal

AZTRP · 2015-03-30T20:47:44+00:00

Agree and Amplify...with the letters. Rearrange them. Check this out

Some of my favorites:

Helluva Veg Oil
Vulvae Ego Hill
Laugh Vile Love
Uh Evil Veal Log

CaptainWasHere · 2015-03-30T21:29:48+00:00

She's acting like a child. Treat her like one. Mediated, read... do whatever to remove your frustration and emotional buildup so that you can be a stoic Oak to her.

Rearrange the letters to something funnier as suggested. That's hilarious! Maybe change a few of the photos. When she confronts you, play with it. "What?! Not me! (Ghasp!!) I didn't see that. We must have a Letter Ghost in the house. I'm going to go get a Ouiji board!" You don't want to still be emotionally hot and come off condescending. You want to be irritatingly playful about it.

I might even get magnetic fridge letters and jokingly say "Maybe this will make it our easier for our Letter Ghost to communicate."

She knows she's being childish but she feels like that's the only way she can express herself. Could be b/c she never learned better - in which case you need to teach her. Or b/c you don't make it 'safe' to talk to you - in which case you need to address your issue. When I went RP my SO instantly felt like I was more confident, less picky about her communication style and she felt like it was safer to talk to me about her stuff.

If she's reacting this way... I bet the bigger pictures is that you still have room to grow as the Captain that she chooses to follow. This is especially true if she's still undermining you. Just b/c you've decided that you're taking the Captain role doesn't mean that you've earned it in her mind. Keep improving yourself, guiding the vision, leading the family and building your SMV! When you do earn it, there will never be words spoken. Piece by piece, she'll happily and quietly accept your leadership. You wont get overt praise or appreciation. You'll only get silent willingness to follow.

TooPrettyToDie · 2015-03-30T22:01:47+00:00

Go buy a L and an O and another L and put them up instead, then laugh at it!

theultmatecad · 2015-03-30T23:40:31+00:00

All women are childish liars.

Be busy with your own shit

pcadrian · 2015-03-31T00:23:28+00:00

Take the letters and arrange them to say LOL on the wall. This is ridiculous.

Countpudyoola · 2015-03-31T17:23:48+00:00

I think this applies to all women.

Yes.

since she begins to believe what she is feeling

Don't worry about this. You're in her head-space. Get ye back. Her emotions are hers to deal with.

Passive Aggressive Hinting

This whole paragraph is rife with the indication you are giving too much of a shit and guessing what's in her head.

MRP and RP is about self-improvement... actions and results. Not feels. Try to steer clear and for lack of more scientific terminology : give less shits.

How do you deal with this passive aggressive behavior?

Like strategos said : Ignore, or Agree and Amplify

Standard script.

How do you respond to various hints that she does to undermine and let you know her displeasure?

Repeat the above.

AND IN LIFE IN GENERAL: You always jump to other peoples hints at displeasure and you better have strong calf muscles. Seems like you're in serious need of de-nice guying. Read NMMNG if you haven't already. Also hit the /r/NMMNG sub those recovering nice guys need some more sub activity.

Title	Passive Aggressiveness and Hints
Author	BourneRedPill
Upvotes	7
Comments	34
Date	March 30, 2015 6:19 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/30tz5s/passive_aggressiveness_and_hints/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/passive-aggressiveness-and-hints.202252 https://theredarchive.com/post/202252

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