Thoughts on Anniversary Presents?

redpill-hardmode · 2015-06-20T10:52:29+00:00

For me giving a gift to my wife is like giving money to a homeless person. I do it for me and I can't worry about what happens after I give it.

You are worried about her reaction but she doesn't worry about yours.

fasterpussycatdie · 2015-06-20T11:36:59+00:00

Be a skittles man

bogeyd6 · 2015-06-20T12:52:58+00:00

My wife used to do this to me as well. Our first four years of my gifts were complete disasters. One year she even gave me a list of what to buy, so I buy everything on the list, hoping for some beta points. She then complains she knew exactly what she was getting and I was not original enough.

That was the year I bought her absolutely no gifts. Never, for any occasion. She got money to spend on herself, and the same for me. Amazing that while I was plugged in somehow I managed to RP the gift situation. This has continued for the last 15 years. I told her very directly that I will never buy another gift for her and she is not to buy for me. Ever.

Fast forward to unplugging. This year for our 15th anniversary I decided I wanted to take a trip. I bought a hotel, limo for the casino, and etc.... I planned it for two. Only this time was different. I didnt ask her, I invited her. I told her, I am going to blah blah would you like to go with me? She started to ask what she needs to do to plan it, and I told her nothing. Everything is already planned and paid for. Then I got very assertive, pulled her by the hips, gave her a very passionate kiss. She then took me to the palace of sweat and shame. This was our single best anniversary every. Plus, I still didnt buy her a gift beacuase it was a trip for me.

marxistbacon · 2015-06-20T13:34:17+00:00

generally conditioning me to be very weary, almost stressed

Been there, done that. I feel you. In fact, one year my ex wife wrote me a full-page formal letter of rejection of my anniversary card to her, deeming it "not sincere enough" because it was bought only on the day before.

The only way to win a pissing contest is not to play. Or to not play by her rules - play by your own. If you don;t want to spend hundreds, and you don;t want to risk rejection, then... DON'T!!! It's that simple. Get something YOU want to, and if she doesn;t like it, then there's one very simple truth to remember... that's HER fucking problem.

I keep it simple - card, bottle of wine, some flowers. Maybe a little something else, but now it depends on how I feel, not on what I'm afraid she'll feel.

AdanacRock · 2015-06-20T16:26:03+00:00

I implemented a strict budget and we follow the traditional anniversary gifts. example something leather for year 3. We also are very honest about what we want. We tell each other very clearly what we want so that it is not stressful for either of us.

That being said if I was bothered anytime she returned a gift I would go crazy. This goes into the no fucks given category.

theoretickle · 2015-06-20T17:13:46+00:00

Gym membership

Beauty treatments

Weekend away to give me some peace and quiet

Kitchen appliances to better feed me

Stuff I want to see her wear

General theme - gifts which help her to make me happy. They're well received partly because, for some reason, she enjoys making me happy. Crazy, I know.

Regarding beauty treatments, I go one better here by being more informed about them than she is herself, being a bit more of a science geek. Today she was delighted when I sent her off to get some moles zapped and get a new skincare regime from the derm. Nothing urgent about it, but I see it as protecting my investment. I need her to be hot into her 40s and beyond and we openly approach the maintenance of our respective SMVs as a joint project.

[deleted] · 2015-06-20T19:46:38+00:00

If you step back and take a look at this game, it sucks. You spend money, you get nothing and then your wife gets pissed. Why are you still playing it?

Spend 5 minutes picking something on Amazon, dump it in a gift bag and give it to her for your anniversary and be done with it.

If she rejects it, say OK, return it and then don't replace it.

dandar4600 · 2015-06-20T12:30:30+00:00

Every year I just bought flowers and maybe some gift under $100. On 10 year anniversary she wanted a new ring cause the engagement ring was tiny and made her feel self conscious compared to everyone else with nice diamonds etc. So I we (she makes 6 for every 10 I make and we have shared account) spent 5 grand on 1 carat ring and new matching band. That was 3 years ago when I was still firmly plugged in. This year is our 13th anniversary. Apparently lace is the traditional gift so maybe I'll go to Victoria Secret and buy something I want to see her in. It's my anniversary too after all.

[deleted] · 2015-06-20T13:18:19+00:00

[permanently deleted]

truchisoft · 2015-06-20T17:37:18+00:00

You can either don't give her anything, give her a silly gift (here, have a chocolate) or just spend it on some experience you like that can include her, like a theater play you want to see, or a movie.

This is as much as your anniversary as hers so focus on enjoying yourself first, she will see you enjoying and as any girl, will follow suit (eventually)

redpillworld · 2015-06-21T05:17:42+00:00

Buy something for you dude. My recommendation - hot lingerie for her to wear before she fucks you.

veryhappyguy · 2015-06-21T23:05:28+00:00

This post got me thinking. More like reflecting on all the gifts I bought my wife in our near decade together.

To start, I don't care for gifts. Gifts are nice to get if they're useful to me (such as my laptop or books I'm interested in reading), but there's no "romance" in gifts for me. So naturally, my wife was upset having married a man with this attitude.

During the first few years of marriage, I made an effort. I really did. I spent hours trying to come up with the perfect gift to buy. Here is what I found. Please note - my findings all lead to the same conclusion - don't waste money on expensive gifts. They're not worth it.

1) I was usually wrong in terms of the gift she wanted.

2) I bought her custom made, high quality Jewry 3 times during our marriage. I surprised her with a tablet, gold covered roses, the pyjamas she "craved" and an expensive kitchen appliance which would make her life much easier.

Result? A half a minute of lovingly looking into my eyes after receiving some of the above-mentioned gifts. The others were given when she was in a sour mood and therefore didn't count. She rarely uses most of these expensive items. They collect dust for the most part and they had little to no impact on love, sex or any other desirable benefit.

3) I reflected even further in the past and noticed that the little gifts and gag gifts I used to buy during our engagement and early marriage had a much greater effect than all the big gifts.

This lead me to believe that a $1 gift and a $1,000 gift are equal to her. If you want/need to give her gifts as a way of expressing love, don't waste your hard earned money of extravagant gifts. They mean nothing to her. Buy her flowers for $30, a book for $15 and other small gifts. It will have the same impact.

druganswer · 2015-06-22T16:02:26+00:00

What I realized is you need to get her gifts that benefit you. Want to bang her in some hot lingerie? get her that. Has something around the house been bothering you that you can get as a gift? get her that... want to go on vacation? get her that. you're making your life better through gifts to her so even if she doesn't "omg I love it" you're getting a benefit out of it anyway. it sounds selfish to a BP person but it's really pretty genius IMO, you don't have to worry if she'll like it because who cares and you don't feel like you wasted money/time if she hates it because you still got the value from it. if she's complaining about gifts she sounds like a complete bitch btw.

Tofitrightin · 2015-06-20T17:03:19+00:00

breastfeeding hormones,

Those are the worst man, its PMS 24/7. Personally I wouldn't really RP during those times as much as just keep to myself. Luckily for me, my wife knows she was insane when she went insane with them. Its why we have two kids instead of three, neither of us wanted to go through that again.

Title	Thoughts on Anniversary Presents?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	17
Comments	32
Date	June 20, 2015 10:22 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3ahytn/thoughts_on_anniversary_presents/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/thoughts-on-anniversary-presents.201650 https://theredarchive.com/post/201650

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