Trickle truths

theultmatecad · 2015-11-04T03:02:13+00:00

First of all, congrats.

Losing 50 pounds, practicing martial arts, kicking ass at work, and dreading the wife is hardly "moving slow". You are thriving and she is naturally anxious. This is ok and an opportunity for you to flex that fatherly love by merely stoking her hair and telling her she is adorable.

"I feel like I can't make a mistake"

"There there baby...come sit down and tell me all about what's bothering you....uh huh....really?"

You don't have to actually DO Anything to make her feel better, simply listening like your kindergartener told you how sad she is that goldfish died works miracles.

As far the truth she is hiding? Good news: Yes, trust your instincts here. She is concealing something. Millions of years of evolution gave us this spider sense and yours is tingling.

Bad news: you will never get the truth out of a woman. Honesty means nothing to her and whatever she is hiding has been rewritten in her brain to be a man's fault. Probably yours.

If you ask, then she will smell the weakness and that rising SMV of yours goes circling down the drain. Another needy mama's boy whose feelings were hurt!

Let it go. Its a new relationship now with a game aware man. And trust me Bro, not a one of these bitches are loyal. None.

Keep improving yourself and live happily. You see, She can't add value by being faithful so she didn't hurt you when she cheated.

jigglydee · 2015-11-04T00:08:38+00:00

If by 'mistake' she means slipping and falling on someone's dick. Then No, that won't be forgiven. I'd make it clear. My wife knows this too.

Redneck001 · 2015-11-04T01:25:51+00:00

Sounds like a variation of "I disappoint you." Which is fairly typical in your progression. There's plenty of AskMRP posts about that.

Just ask her for clarification the next time it comes up.

TheKingGray · 2015-11-04T20:43:40+00:00

WARNING: Be 100% sure you want to know the truth before doing this. You are a different person now, and likely in a different relationship. I personally would like to forget half of the fucked up shit I now know. Also, what I will advise will get you the truth, but you'll take a step backwards in SMV. It's very BB. You can go home and make love to her using my advice; however, it's just a BB reward and is not sustainable IMO.

To get her version of the truth create an air of openness, non-judgement and security - she'll tell you all kinds of shit.

Your goal is to create the following three things:

She should feel like you will not take anything too seriously, and you're not going to judge her, or anyone, for anything. You can do this simply by talking about how you've forgiven people for things, and you've learned not to judge, and that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes bad things can actually make people closer, etc. Definitely encourage sexual openness and forgiveness.
She should feel that you'll never, ever, ever leave her. Think total BB here. She should feel comfortable and secure. Talk about how she's the best thing that ever happened to you. Talk about your storied past, your future plans, and that you know that you'll both make mistakes along the way; but whatever they are you two will overcome them.
She should be a little tipsy. Not drunk, but a little truth serum goes a long way.

Once these things are in place, hold her close and ask her directly about the comments she made.

"You said that you felt like I would leave you if I knew about your mistakes (<< wording is important). Honey, you know I would never leave you. You might be surprised at what I can handle, and we owe each other the opportunity to forgive, right? (somewhat of a test - she'll tell you a little to see if you can really handle it) Shit happens all the time in relationships, but it's the strong ones that survive. I'll never leave you. I love you. I'm not sure I even want to know what you did...if something did happen. [pause] ..."

The trickle will start. Ask followup questions with same same non-judgement, until your satisfied. You might be surprised as the shit that comes out of her mouth.

Good luck.

sexyshoulderdevil · 2015-11-04T00:08:11+00:00

Option 1: Stop worrying about it and continue working towards being awesome. If you see any other red flags or ones you've been ignoring, do not marry her.

Option 2: Slight dark triad version. Lie and tell her in so many words that you want everything out on the table before you get married. That you trust her and will forgive her. You just want a clean slate before you spend the rest of your lives together raising kids and being happy. Might not work but if she spills the beans that she's been slamming Chad, then break up with her... She'll hate you but you won't give a fuck.

cholomite · 2015-11-04T00:17:30+00:00

I would ask if she means mistakes she "makes" or "made" and go from there. If you just have a confident DGAF attitude and press her a little bit she'll usually give up a little more if somethings there, hoping that it will be enough to get you off her back. If she gives up a little keep going until you don't think there's anymore. Just always keep a cool head and don't get all emotional and shit.

All this said, my gf lies all the time about the dumbest shit and asked if I would dump her for not doing the dishes right away when I first started this. Nothing more than a shit test to be swatted and I liked your response. If you ever catch her in a stupid lie call her out on it. Also she's right about dumping her for mistakes. Your gf wants to be with a guy who will dump her if she makes mistakes, that's her way of telling you. Keep your standards for her (reasonably) high and let her know. But always keep the standards you have for yourself higher.

dandar4600 · 2015-11-04T00:01:58+00:00

Say: What kind of mistake are we talking about here? Then take it from there.

enfier · 2015-11-04T17:27:14+00:00

My strategy for getting the truth is to just give her enough rope to hang herself. I have a pretty good memory for detail and my mind tends to pick up on contradiction so it's not incredibly difficult to piece most things together. Never reveal your hand unless you've got definitive proof. In all honesty, most liars aren't particularly good at it and the perception that they are getting away with it leads to slip ups.

Pay attention to inconsistency, words that don't match actions, strange reactions to events, stories and actions that don't make logical sense. Pay even more attention to the things you aren't told. Casually fact check a few things against friends if you get the chance, but never be obvious. Most people have tells for when they are nervous like picking at their clothes or fidgeting around. All of these things are little clues and red flags along the way. In all honesty, nobody is going to be telling you the complete truth 100% of the time, so don't get all worked up over the occasional lie or red flag. Look for patterns, and try to figure out the people, emotion or situation they all have in common.

A good example would be if she goes out for drinks with coworkers but doesn't mention that Dave was there until it comes out weeks later. Around the office party she avoids talking to Dave (but you know that she's friends with him). None of her coworkers are part of her Facebook friends except for Dave.

None of those things mean she's cheating. Maybe she slept with him years ago, maybe she engages in some innocent flirting, maybe she's attracted to him but keeps it in check. If you see a pattern of behavior like above, I'd investigate a bit further without invading her privacy. Maybe mention Dave to her coworker friend and see what the reaction is. If she's going somewhere where Dave is going to be, ask if you can go along and see how conflicted the answer is before deciding it's probably best you don't go anyways or have something else to do.

As for your girlfriend, she really seems to want to talk about it, so I'd find a really emotional movie where the woman cheats on her husband then forgives her and add it to your Netflix queue. Stick half a bottle of wine in her, watch the movie some other time when she brings it up and maybe you'll get a confession.

exbp · 2015-11-04T04:52:13+00:00

Nobody likes those giant wall-o-text posts but there's almost nothing here to judge by, hopefully you have more info.

A big point of this sub is that drunk captains don't fare well. You were one. Asking that question of you sounds suspicious, but it also could be her seeing your value rising faster than hers. She might have done something, or she might have imagined she could get away with it someday if it happened. Are you dumping her for that?

Forget this issue for a moment and imagine introducing her to one of the MRP regulars. What fantastic qualities of hers put her above, way above, the average girl? If you can think of a bunch of ways she's not like the rest of the herd out there then great. If you can't then keep looking.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-11-04T20:07:05+00:00

do you have any advice on how to get the full story out of your SO?

If you want the full story act like it is totally normal to cheat on your husband- everybody does it etc. Put her at ease and assure her that you would never judge her for what she might have done before you unplugged. When she is convinced it is no problem and won't be shamed she will open right up.

However, why do you want to know? Sleeping dogs...

NiftyDolphin · 2015-11-04T21:38:59+00:00

Everyone else has the "She's done something wrong" angle handled, so I'll go the other way.

You've been together for six years. If she's stayed with you while you were very overweight and BP, then you're either bringing a ton of BB to the table or else she doesn't think she can do better.

Remember, you two aren't married. If she could have traded up earlier, odds are she would have.

So while you think you now have an equal SMV to your fiancee, odds are she thinks you've pulled ahead.

If she could trade up, she would have. Now that you're in a position to trade up, her solipsism is leading her to think that trading up is going to be what is your mind.

You may be operating at Dread Level 3, but her dread level is much higher.

I view her "mistake" argument as half comfort-test and half shit-test.

The comfort test is obvious, she has low self-esteem and doesn't want you to leave.

The shit-test half is her socializing whatever future fuck-up she wants to happen. It doesn't have to be nefarious, it could be as simple as that she's lazy or a slob. She may be holding it together now, but when she has you locked down: she's looking forward to being lazy or a slob.

Who knows, maybe she hates dieting and has a whole closet-full of bon-bons secreted away that she's going to scarf down after the wedding.

She just wants you to give her a future get-out-of-jail free card before she actually screws up.

Again, I'm not refuting your theory, I just think that if she had done something nefarious, and she neglected OpSec enough to signal as such in these arguments, that she'd be as sloppy in covering her tracks everywhere else.

Pinelero · 2015-11-06T10:40:51+00:00

New to MRP, still got to read the side-bar, but this is interesting seeing the responses to the statement made by the OP's girls (i.e. if she makes a mistake in our relationship that I wont' forgive her). This is a common theme on exercise sites, which have nothing to do with relationships, that a spouse will get insecure about when the guy gets jacked/ripped. People are resistant to changing their pigeon-holed impressions of people and also project their insecurities.

Rasalom72 · 2015-11-04T14:26:01+00:00

Personally, I prefer the kind benefactor type of role in these situations. I just say in a nice way, that we are all human, and everyone gets to make mistakes, but some mistakes can not and should not ever be forgiven....

Then give her an example of you protecting your own and being a man, something like, "if someone harmed you I would probably kill them." "And of course, I could never trust someone that lied to me..." Give her the security she needs to feel like she can open up to you, but with enough dread that she knows that she can't lie, and if she gets caught lying, it's over.

Title	Trickle truths
Author	geniusdisguise
Upvotes	8
Comments	38
Date	November 3, 2015 11:44 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3rf7kr/trickle_truths/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/trickle-truths.200766 https://theredarchive.com/post/200766

Comments