How to Become a Man?

Uncoolx2 · 2021-08-20T07:29:14+00:00

First and foremost, understand that there isn't just one realm of masculinity.

A lot of our modern, one-cut idea of masculinity is due to moving from agricultural living, to industrial living, to goods-and-services based living.

The modern world really, really, really wants anything and everything to be as homogenous and cookie-cutter as possible.

All replaceable cogs in the big machine.

When the only initial pushback is "men are men and women are women" a lot of the nuance is lost.

Let's imagine tribal life.

Sure there were some traditional roles for each gender, but there were crossovers between, and specializations within.

Not all men were hunters, and scouts, and warriors, and craftsmen.

All men may have dipped into each in a rudimentary fashion, but in reality, craftsmen were craftsmen, hunters were hunters, holy men were holy men - and all may be called to be warriors should the need arise.

So, you can't just ask how to become "a man," you first have to learn to find out what kind of man you are.

And to become that man, you work your discipline and find your community.

For instance, as you find yourself to be an extrovert, you may be very well equipped in a filed or position that relies in establishing and building rapport, like sales or community work.

For some of your other questions, dig into the blog I linked and see if it is to your liking.

Geasy90 · 2021-08-20T11:28:29+00:00

Is it okay to joke a bit?

You need to get down to business to defeat the huns. Your trainer will make it his personal goal to make a man out of you.

SuperGRB · 2021-08-20T08:56:40+00:00

In my opinion, only one thing defines you being a man: self-determination. It’s your life, live it your way. You are no one’s bitch. You are not on this planet to “slave away” for someone or society. Find your passion and relentlessly pursue it. Become the best you can be, and fuck what anybody else thinks about you - ignore them. Cut anyone who disrespects you out of your life - permanently. Take care of your physical and mental health - as a man, you are ultimately on your own - neither society, the gubment, nor some other person will help you.

kirbzsxch · 2021-08-20T07:00:37+00:00

p.s.

I have started to change and realized that only boys make excuses, men take responsibility, as well as we should all be moving forward instead of blaming ourselves or regretting what we've done in the past because it serves us no good.

I have decided to change myself and become a better person, but I need help on how to become a man.

Iceman_Hottie · 2021-08-20T11:47:54+00:00

Based on your p.s. I can add to other comments look up philosophy in general.

My top 3 are Miyamoto Musashi, Markus Aurelius and Niccolo Machiavelli.

EgalitarianFacts · 2021-08-20T13:44:53+00:00

Be born XY.

Don't harm yourself or others.

Take good care of yourself, and if you choose, some others as well.

Try to be as happy as you can in this one Life you're going to get.

This is the end of the list, and anyone who says otherwise or tries to add things you don't like is a sexist you don't have to listen to.

kirbzsxch · 2021-08-20T15:14:24+00:00

Okay I would just like to say thank you to everybody who's given their input and advice, I appreciate all the things you've told me. There are people who think that some comments have erratic parts, but I assure you I will do my best to filter through everything and simply learn from your advices rather than going against anybody.

I think the sub's plenty of Americans, so goodmorning/afternoon over there!

Extra_Spider_Silk · 2021-08-20T20:43:55+00:00

I don't think I'm smart enough or experienced enough to answer this question. In fact, I've found that a lot of what being a man is is faking it 'til you make it. Like I know I am a man, but if I break it down, none of the single components that make me a man are good enough in and of themselves. If manliness is a cake, I have no idea what the flour is. And being confused about this is totally fine, because society, and its standards, are changing at a disorienting pace, and nobody is sure where things are headed. I'd be interested to know what you feel "manliness" is to yourself.

Kasabian56 · 2021-08-21T02:49:03+00:00

The one thing that, to me, uniformly makes a man across all demographics is confidence. If you have a style, scent, mannerism, that you like, own it. Take what others say into account, but let yourself be the final judge. Eventually you’ll find what you like. At the same time don’t be overconfident either - too much of anything is a bad thing after all. Just be willing to take advice or change if you need to.

One other thing I might mention that’s helped me tremendously is going to therapy. I realize it’s not for everyone, but having a shoulder to cry on, having a neutral opinion, having someone always in your corner can be immensely helpful. Everyone needs help sometimes. You might also like the sub /malefashionadvice, as it gives tips on how to, well, be fashionable.

Bara-enthusiast · 2021-08-21T15:52:14+00:00

You are an adult male and are cis? You are a man. Act gay straight feminine masculine, still man

The concept of "real man" is toxic. If you want to be more masc and don't know how, that's another question. Find a role model. There are a lot of great channels like "dad, how do I?" if you wwnt to learn specific things. There are gladly a lot of self help books for men

MartianCavenaut · 2021-08-20T16:02:51+00:00

Don't be too hard on yourself kid. If its possible at all, try to meet and get to know your father. You don't have to be best friends, or friends even, but i'm certain that a part of your father wants to get to know his son too.

GinoMan2440 · 2021-08-20T19:07:33+00:00

Find the heaviest thing you can carry, pick it up, and carry it.

Not literally, but don't wait to be given responsibility, take it.

empathylion · 2021-08-20T14:45:58+00:00

If I were you, rather than focusing on how to be a better man I would just focus on how to be a better human.

That's it.

There's no need to box yourself into a category of behaviour whether you like it or not. You don't need to box yourself into a specific gender or sexual orientation role to play.

Examine all the philosophies and life guidebooks that exist, develop your critical thinking skills and build your own philosophy. You can learn from all genders and sexes and sexual orientations. Take the best from here and there and form it into a new identity that is you.

Research and define ( and adjust as you learn more) what it means for someone to be a good healthy and happy human and then work towards becoming that person.

a-man-from-earth · 2021-08-20T09:23:33+00:00

[permanently deleted]

downzeitor · 2021-09-29T11:20:56+00:00

If you really want to bond or look for your father's company i'd advise you to go try doing things with him or just provide help somehow. Being around and provide some basic help is a good starting point. I had some situations that the only way I could make some paternal connection was to be around, "bring me that screw-not-that-one-the-other-one" type of situation and evolving from that.

You said that he keeps to himself (as almost every father does most of times), but it is because many of those situations/moments he is busy thinking on stuff to be done (if you guys have a farm, that's a mind full of stuff to be done).

We always think that others must be available to us, but sometimes we have to show interest to be around, to provide some help/assistance, or being useful somehow even the most basic stuff. That way you can watch, learn a thing or two, make yourself useful to him either.

I'm not a proper advisor of some kind, but had a father who was "difficult" to be around (he tended to keep / do things by himself most of time). But managed to find common grounds, specially after mom-dad's divorce.

We got to know each other more by doing stuff together (making some basic furniture/shelfs around the place, fixing some light sockets, cooking some food, thinking on something to make).

me_milesheller · 2021-11-16T21:41:07+00:00

General answer: If you need to become a 'real man' just say it, act like what you think it is. Observe what you admire of other men or man prototypes and try to base your choices of style to express it.

In order to become 'a real ____' you have to be a real YOU firstly. And it won't work following any rules given anywhere here or on any book. Doesn't matter how much you try if you're not following the expression of your you true-self.

As I can see being a real ____ is: * Be kind to others. * Speak with the truth when is needed. * Respect others, take care of others including yourself. * Overcome the misfortunes. * Pursue your own terms of happiness, stability, self-worth. * Don't betray yourself ever nor anybody. Ever. * If you've committed any harm to anyone including yourself, feel the sorry, say sorry and try to heal whatever harm you've made. You're ____ after all. You'll never be perfect. * Allow yourself at any time, with anyone, anywhere to be free and to live your life intensely, deeply, meaningfully! With a big smile.

If you are enough observer is what any human should be. Society likes to separate. So people will say "that's a real ___." Not: that's a real "human being". But it's your decision to say what's better.

Is our ought to overcome our gender and pursue our significance on our self terms far away of the social expectations.

Your problem as I read is that your inner social circle makes you doubt your own identity. But while you can say/express to yourself and others: I'm a man; nobody should question that. There, outside, people shouldn't be in the right of question your identity even if you're the femininest man around. That's YOUR choice. That's how YOU feel like in your inside. And then society can go fuck 'emselves. You'll never have a test to ensure you're a real man. The closest thing to a test is to be truthful with yourself at any given moment.

This is Reddit. We'll never be able to give the real help you need that a real mental-emotional professional might give to you. Be kind to yourself and find a good therapist for you too. You'll never ever regret any cent you invest on that.

Title	How to Become a Man?
Author	kirbzsxch
Upvotes	42
Comments	53
Date	August 20, 2021 6:41 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MenSupportMen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/mensupportmen/comments/p7wrp8/how_to_become_a_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MenSupportMen/how-to-become-a-man.1060570 https://theredarchive.com/post/1060570