Exhausted

Calijewles · 2023-01-19T16:38:36+00:00

You aren't a whiny bitch for feeling this way or for expressing these feelings. Life can be fucking exhausting. Your feelings are valid. Also, unless you've had something happen... you already have a pair.

My suggestion... invest in some self-care (not just for women). You stated that alcohol makes you MORE exhausted. Alcohol is a crutch that isn't good for your health & perpetuates the cycle of feeling overwhelmed. Try cutting that out & investing that time into healthy habits. Pick something you don't like about yourself & start putting in the work to change it. Don't do it for your wife or your kids... do it for you. Don't expect recognition or validation from your loved ones... just do it.

I'm a single mom of 5. Somewhere along the way my whole identity became that of a mother. I was very unhappy (with myself, not them) & decided to fix myself. I fixed my health. I started eating healthy, lost weight, & taught myself to lift weights. Dopest thing I've ever done. At first, my kids would laugh at me (I looked silly teaching myself to workout in my living room). After the gains started popping & my confidence grew, I became happier. I had built an identity outside of my role as a mother & my kids developed a whole new level of respect for me. I became a better person AND mother bc I took time to care for myself.

Imissyourgirlfriend2 · 2023-01-19T16:50:56+00:00

You! You are not a whiny little bitch!! You are NOT!! You're a God-damned human-fucking-being, not Superman. You breathe, you metabolize, you need rest too.

Life is hard, always has been, always will be. But here, to me, you are not the problem. You deserve rest and your own "me time".

brymjack · 2023-01-19T16:33:37+00:00

Firstly, sorry you're going through this.

Secondly, I suggest getting control of your drinking habit. Start small and limit yourself to one day a week to having a drink. If that won't work consider joining a program for additional support.

Not only will this be good for your health and family, but your SO won't be able to use your habit against you galvanize arguments.

Be well amigo.

Alarming_Draw · 2023-01-19T20:57:56+00:00

"Meh- maybe I am a whiny bitch that needs to just grow a pair."

Only thing you need to do is stop beating yourself up for a) having emotions, and b) waking up to the reality that men are treated like shit in modern society.

Nihi1986 · 2023-01-19T21:28:16+00:00

Dude, you are not a little bitch ffs...it's only normal that you are exhausted and it's even more exhausting when everything you do is taken for granted and not valued.

This is perhaps something you could let your partner know if you feel like you might be lacking support or simply be overworked and burnt, if she's a decent woman she might understand and help.

Zestyclose_Ad2224 · 2023-01-19T22:03:49+00:00

Love yourself first. Put yourself first in your life. Put up that emotional wall to protect yourself. Your wife is a grownup. Let her deal with her stuff with your support but she has to deal with it. Kids are the exception. You can help them to a point but don’t get played by them. They will be fine.

Final_Philosopher663 · 2023-01-19T16:06:32+00:00

You are gonna have to talk to them about it and find a solution that works best for you too . And a think I want to ask , is your problem worse because of their needs or their lack of recognition of how much you help them?

algo_trader_6ix · 2023-01-19T17:28:38+00:00

Divorce. Deal with the short term pain for a couple of years for long term freedom. How many years of life do you have left? Do you want to be miserable for all of it or miserable for a couple then freedom after?

Extra-Strike2276 · 2023-01-19T22:56:35+00:00

Been there and eventually set firm boundaries for everyone around. I spent years just moving along and trying to keep everyone happy while I was exhausted all the time. After about 18 years I was done. Anytime I brought it up with my wife she would just shrug and act like it wasn't an issue, and for her it wasn't. So I just stopped and did nothing extra for anyone. When things finally got to the point it was a problem for her she just tells me I'm the problem, so I started packing. When she realized I was serious things changed and now everything isn't on me anymore. The last few years have been much better.

Unfortunately I know if I wasn't willing to walk away nothing would've changed, and the fact that I made sure I could also helped. I know I'd be better off on my own, but love does stupid shit. She knows she would have a hard life without me and I'd be better off, but she hadn't cared when she thought I'd always be there. Now reality made her realize just how much she had to lose. I think this is a rather human issue to take things for granted. Sometimes it's good to see what life would be like without something you're used to, just so you can appreciate what you have. The problem is that a lot of people can't walk away without losing far more then they can afford to.

Difficult-Lion-1288 · 2023-01-19T23:44:00+00:00

Yes. I pay all the bills. Take care of the dogs. Clean. Work full time and am a full time student. I only get thanks when I get her gifts. We only have sex if I’m acting how she wants me to. I just wanna fly to Ukraine and start fighting. It would be more rewarding.

Investing-eye · 2023-01-19T15:59:46+00:00

Hey man, you're going to have to do something you might find quite hard: be vulnerable and tell your wife. She will be able to help. Maybe even just by her listening and accepting of how you feel, you might feel better.

DeanMalHanNJackIsms · 2023-01-20T09:13:02+00:00

Like everybody else says, you are not being whiney. There is a lot on mens shoulders. We are built to bear it but we still need rest and destress. Hobbies, vacation, silent contemplation are all vital activities we should never neglect.

Get clean from the alcohol, start improving aspects of yourself one at a time, and find a peer group that will both encourage and reinforce your pursuits as well as your masculinity.

Take care, brother.

coming2grips · 2023-01-20T13:37:46+00:00

Sounds like you need to substitute some 'relax' time for 'recharge' or 'self care' time.

AnubissRS · 2023-01-19T15:57:32+00:00

Your best bet is to talk with them and see how you can work together but easier said than done. I hear you OP

pearl_harbour1941 · 2023-01-19T16:19:35+00:00

It's natural for men to want to fix things.

I like fixing stuff - my car, my bike, my gf... but I found pretty quickly that a) I'm better at fixing inanimate objects (no, not my ex lol) and b) it's not my job to fix other people. As an aside my ex got downright angry with me for trying to fix her. She didn't want to be fixed.

Work out exactly what your actual responsibilities are, and then stick to that. You may find that it doesn't cover fixing your kids' or wife's issues. Good luck.

ehWoc · 2023-01-19T17:54:26+00:00

You need therapy, and perhaps couple therapy if your partner doesn't understand that they need to be just as invested as you.

Turning to alcohol only hurts you and your children. Please, don't.

-Soggy-Potato- · 2023-01-19T18:36:19+00:00

not particularly

but that’s moreso because i don’t particularly agree with the stereotype of being stoic in the face of heavy expense to yourself

i was going through a difficult time a while back and the main thing that helped me was taking, opening up about my feelings, thoughts, frustrations.

The best way to tackle this (seemingly toxic in your case) stereotype is by being vulnerable, opening up, or else you‘lol struggle to find relief. If not your partner, immediate family can work, especially any friends / close colleagues. Hell even online forums are a good first step

Even just talking about / expressing these frustrations can help. It’s getting it off your chest as well as helping you sort of formulate / grasp what issues you are having making it easier to figure out what to do with them

or if you genuinely have no one in the day to day, try find a relaxing hobby / pass-time (ideally one that isn’t drinking related) allowing you to have more of a personal identity / individual agency just so not everything is consumed by your role in the family

jjj2576 · 2023-01-19T16:45:52+00:00

I imagine you lack emotional strength, if you are using alcohol to cope.

BiizzaaB · 2023-01-19T20:46:02+00:00

I tell my girlfriend and friends all the time when I feel like shit and don't feel like doing anything - they respect it and accept it.

What you're describing is toxic masculinity - unwilling to deal with your emotions in a healthy manner, just because you want to portray a picture of what's supposedly the "correct way" a man is supposed to be.

But there is no "correct way" of being, so when I get tired, I just skip everything from the gym to girlfriends and just play WoW / RimWorld in my boxers with my pupper for a few days until I feel like I'm all charged up again.

ElisaSKy · 2023-01-19T23:46:09+00:00

I'm exhausted, but for another reason.

I'm kinda big and strong.

Big and strong is scary.

It's a cliché for a reason though. Remember all the white knights justifying a woman spraying a random jogger with a neurotoxic chemical weapon? (And yes, Capsaicin, the compound that's responsible for the burning sensation peppers give you, is a neurotoxin that mimics the action of neurotransmitters transmitting the information about heat. And pepper spray is called that for a reason.) "Well, she was afraid because she probably x,y,z so it's okay for her to spray you with a neurotoxic chemical weapon!"

Trying to make myself look smaller as to not be scary and thus not invite being sprayed by a neurotoxic chemical weapon is exhausting after a while.

I'm not tired of having to be the strong one, because it kinda comes naturally to me. I'm tired of trying to look and act smaller than I actually am. I get the exhaustion of feeling like you have to be and/or acting like someone you're not.

SuspiciousGrievances · 2023-01-20T04:23:14+00:00

Nothing wrong with setting boundaries or taking time for a little self care. If they can't see that, to bad. Do it any way.

TheMorningJoe · 2023-01-20T11:54:09+00:00

Exhausted when it comes to dating for me, nobody wants a fat ugly man lol

Whoever says “confidence is key” really doesn’t know the fuck they’re talking about. You can have all the confidence in the world but it doesn’t mean shit if women find you revolting.

Title	Exhausted
Author	Tbbrown3296
Upvotes	92
Comments	60
Date	January 19, 2023 3:28 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/10g4iy9/exhausted/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/exhausted.1149743 https://theredarchive.com/post/1149743

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