first question - Dear Prudence vs. drunken "rape" of spouse

cthulufunk · 2012-07-19T15:31:34+00:00

"Your prim, punctilious, punitive style has me admiring your put-upon husband’s ability to even get it up, given the possibility he’ll be accused of rape—or turn himself in for it!—if one of you fails a breathalyzer test. Living in terror that expressing one’s perfectly normal sexual desire could end one’s marriage, and freedom, is itself a form of abuse. Stop acting like a parody of a gender-studies course catalog and start acting like a loving wife. If you can’t, then give the poor sap a divorce."

EPIC.

rogersmith25 · 2012-07-19T13:40:46+00:00

I think the response given by "Dear Prudence" was the correct one. In fact, he needs to divorce her.

eberkimer · 2012-07-19T13:36:26+00:00

So let me get this straight.... he initiated sex, she took off her own panties, but then when she decided not to, and left the room, he didn't continue....what exactly is the issue here?

Other than the fact that she has bought into the feminist trope on rape.

rogersmith25 · 2012-07-19T14:12:38+00:00

This is what feminist doctrine is twisting women's minds into. Prudie was right to label it abuse.

Gingor · 2012-07-19T18:12:10+00:00

Great response.

as for "confused:

I was dozing and still drunk and, yes, I took my panties off myself. But when I realized that it was not OK for him to make advances on me in my state, I pushed him away and ran out. He later felt so bad he wanted turn himself in for rape.

So... He made advances, you began undressing, decided you didnt want to have sex, pushed him off, he stopped.

And you think that was rape? Or even close to it? So, every time I ask a women if she wants to have sex and she says no, I am nearly raping her?

I liked it and went along, only to wake up in the morning and remember only half of it.

So, you were married for a long time, your husband made advances, you remember you liked it and went along and now you are calling it rape?

Sometimes I wonder why men even bother with women anymore. I mean, seriously, if you can be married for 6 years and then your wife suddenly decides retroactively you raped her, why even take the risk?

herbandmargie · 2012-07-19T13:48:52+00:00

Great response from prudence, but I am amazed that a woman like that could even exist and a man like that would chose to marry and fuck it.

2012-07-19T14:02:55+00:00

That was brilliant.

cuteman · 2012-07-19T16:07:27+00:00

I think I should divorce him for something that happened six years ago... She could remember enjoying it but could only half remember the entire event the next morning.

What a confused nutjob....

Sadiew1990 · 2012-07-19T17:21:49+00:00

I'm going to write to a radical feminist problem page. "Dear Radfem I had sex with my girlfriend last night but was a bit drunk at the time - have I been raped?" Wonder what response I will get.

Christ on a bike feminism has gone completely barking insane!

2012-07-19T15:16:38+00:00

I've read the rest of her articles, they're fucking amazing!

Hateblade · 2012-07-19T18:10:36+00:00

That was an emotionally charged argument (that I have doubts about even being true) meant to litmus test her reaction to a forcefully-imposed social standard (if a woman's drunk you can't have sex with her or else it's rape).

She handled it well.

Sadiew1990 · 2012-07-19T18:35:52+00:00

This is my first post to this reddit so forgive me if I don’t fully understand the norms, but this isn't representative of proper feminists and feminism. I’m speaking of the main branch that is for equal rights between genders, not of the “women are better” or “men are always wrong/dangerous/animalistic” branch at all. Please keep that distinction, because I’m a woman and a feminist but I’m also for men’s rights, and I think that is possible because as a feminist and in accordance with my feminist beliefs I believe in equality for both genders, not just women (which doesn’t even make sense for only one gender to be ‘equal’). Now after that caveat…

From what I take from this story, this is a woman who, for whatever reason, has serious personal issues. If you are secure in your loving relationship with a great partner who would never actually want to hurt you (which her husband exhibits in many ways) and you are still feeling like he is violating you in a moment when you are both drunk and you are obviously going along with it, there is something wrong with you. Not as an offense, but something that needs to be worked out. I’ve known many of couples (that include feminists partners) that love drunk sex and have no problem with it afterwards. She needs professional help to deal w/ her problems. This isn't representative of the feminist movement, but rather of her own insecurities and worries. And what she is doing is obviously not fair to her husband at all, and she needs to get better so she can make it up to him in a sense, so he doesn't feel like he is doing something terrible when he is going beyond the call to keep her safe. I don't see any point in vilifying her either, at best she is misguided and at worst needs serious help for the betterment of herself, her husband, and their relationship.

2012-07-19T15:31:54+00:00

Well written and great response from Prudence.

2012-07-19T20:19:18+00:00

What an amazing response.

buttercuppitude · 2012-07-19T21:28:57+00:00

Yeesh, the poor husband. Even my husband has been indoctrinated into this concept that ANY alcohol consumption automatically negates consent. I almost never drink, and when I do its usually about half a glass of wine. I've never gotten truly drunk before, and I've never had drinks in an "unsafe" environment (i.e. I only drink at home among trusted friends, just in case I do drink enough to impair my cognitive decision making.)

That said it took awhile to convince my husband that if I wanted sexy times after a glass of wine, it was not "taking advantage" of me. One glass leaves me buzzed at best. I am still perfectly capable of deciding whether or not I want to have sex. He's finally starting to be able to wrap his head around the concept.

Strange_Dragons · 2012-07-19T15:41:08+00:00

Excellent

Grapeban · 2012-07-19T18:29:43+00:00

I am shocked by Prudence's response, that she considers asking for consent is like "treat[ing] your sex life as if it is subject to regulatory review by the Department of Health and Human Services".

You should always acquire explicit consent, always.

first question - Dear Prudence vs. drunken "rape" of spouse

Comments

1 - when you say "a woman like 'that'" the 'that' refers to the previous woman in the sentence, "Prudence". You meant 'Confused', the wife in the story.

2 - you refer to the wife as "it" instead of "her"; I would change that pronoun so it doesn't seem dehumanizing.

Title	first question - Dear Prudence vs. drunken "rape" of spouse
Author	bbgnot
Upvotes	79
Comments	82
Date	July 19, 2012 1:10 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/wtcu0/first_question_dear_prudence_vs_drunken_rape_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/first-question-dear-prudence-vs-drunken-rape-of.1017588 https://theredarchive.com/post/1017588