(rant) Men are capable babysitters and it's time we stop patronizing them

CawlinAlcarz · 2022-05-04T14:52:26+00:00

While we're sharing anecdotes, my wife shared a story with me just 2 days ago that I had forgotten about until just this moment.

Background:

Both my wife and I play adult recreational league tennis. We usually attend each other's respective team matches as these are often as much of a social thing (with our other tennis friends) as they are an athletic thing.

I have no children of my own but spent some time being a "step-dad" to kids of women I'd dated and lived with, so I've got a bit of parental expertise.

Anyway, one woman on my wife's women's team often has to bring her two children ages 6 (girl) and 4 (boy) to tennis matches because her husband is often unable to watch the kids due to his own commitments during those weekend matches. This woman is also a neighbor of ours and we are friends and she knows me and asked me very deferentially if I would be able to keep an eye on her kids while she was on court. Of course I agreed.

The first couple times the other women on the team were all in my business with these kids until I gently but firmly assured them that I was alright. Their mother asked ME to keep an eye on her kids, not them.

Further, their mom always "pays" me with a 6 pack of my favorite beer for this... so it's a win-win!

I'm happy to keep an eye on these kids while their mother is on the court and they appreciate my company because I do "fun" things with them like build pretend camp fires and take "nature walks" through the wooded areas around the courts and so forth.

Anyway, the kids definitely took well to me as their caretaker. The older girl got a little nervous once when I told her I needed to use the restroom but that Ms. Danielle would be keeping an eye on them. She asked me: "Will she keep a GOOD eye on us like you do?" I assured her that Ms. Danielle would.

So, on to the story my wife told me:

The boy is always trying to get his own dad to build camp fires with him in the back yard like I taught him and last week his mom brought him to a tennis match that I wasn't able to attend. My wife told me that this little guy was complaining to his mom: "Where's Mr. Cawlin?" His mom told him I wasn't able to come that day. He said "Awww mom! I wouldn't have come if I knew Mr. Cawlin wasn't going to be here!!"

CawlinAlcarz · 2022-05-04T14:15:01+00:00

Despite what several generations of single mothers have ingrained into their children, male care takers can be just as compassionate and caring and attentive as female care takers.

Further, there's room for a whole TON of "Walk it off, you're fine!" in the lives of most kids these days and this can often be the TRUE compassionate response (not saying this is germane to male caretaking, but it sure is more likely/regular than in female caretaking).

oceansarevast · 2022-05-04T14:22:45+00:00

Don't allow women to set the framing, period. The responsibility was given to you by your friend. The women are not a part of that decision or responsibility. Those women want to take control and portray a sense of superiority of care only the so called mafia of mother's can give. There is no such thing, period. Better tell those women that mothers kill and abuse children far more then any group and you want the kid save.

tenchineuro · 2022-05-04T15:10:48+00:00

(rant) Men are capable ~~babysitters~~ parents and it's time we stop patronizing them

FTFY.

63daddy · 2022-05-04T15:43:08+00:00

Feminists look at any area where there is more male representation and scream discrimination against women, even though many if these areas are actively trying to recruit more women.

At the same time, we see many areas such as baby sitting and nursing where there is a huge bias against males, but this goes largely unrecognized.

NextStopMyAss · 2022-05-04T19:21:30+00:00

I remember holding my second child. My uncle's wife said "Oh no, you're not doing it right. Here, let me show you." as she tried to forcibly remove the newborn from my arms.

Bitch didn't even have kids. Just assumed that being a woman gave her full authority on everything child related.

Ethanol_Based_Life · 2022-05-04T16:28:27+00:00

Or we should start patronizing then (as in, giving them money). I was a babysitter as a teen but only had an in because they were kids my little brother knew.

Dismal-Opposite-6946 · 2022-05-04T22:47:48+00:00

This. I know that my son's father is a perfectly good and capable father. In fact, he can be more nurturing than me sometimes. It irritates me that people think that men aren't as good of caregivers as women are. I don't worry about my son when I leave him in his father's care because I know he'll be just fine. Sure, he may play a little more rough with him but that's fine. I know he'll be just fine.

boxsterguy · 2022-05-04T17:13:28+00:00

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Affectionate_Set_783 · 2022-05-04T14:11:14+00:00

Yea indeed

nacho-chonky · 2022-05-04T18:36:25+00:00

Yes yes and yes! I’m Fuckin tired of women patronizing me for raising my own damn child. The mom is a Fuckin crack head so I raise my child alone and I get treated by all these women that I am inferior because I’m a good dad

Shrodingerscarbomb · 2022-05-05T01:09:41+00:00

Men and women can both be naturally intuitive care givers, but also a lot of us learn to be effective care givers by spending a lot of time caring for children and learning on the fly. My SO and I have a two-year-old daughter, and for the first year of her life he was working a lot, while I stayed home for the first ten months. Then we transitioned into me picking up gradually more and more hours back at my job, and him staying home.

At first he wasn’t naturally adept at taking care of a one year old and keeping her entertained, and he had to adapt their daily schedules to each other’s needs, but he’s an amazing dad and he learned really quickly. This was also super helpful at preventing us from both getting burnt out. I wish more people would shake off the social paradigm that men have to be the main earners and women the primary caregivers; most people profess to believe in an egalitarian society but then ascribe to views that actively prevent it.

Starmind0 · 2022-05-05T05:57:49+00:00

Aw based on your post you seem like an amazing babysitter!

JaggedGreen88 · 2022-05-05T19:22:45+00:00

I feel this SO much. In my teens I was the go to babysitter for my cousins and former step-dads friends. I was/am great with kids and was actually pretty in demand for awhile.

Then the anti-man sentiment started to creep in, not that I realized it at the time, and people stopped asking me. I just figured they didn't need me anymore.

Last year I bumped into a couple of the kids I used to watch back in the day and they told me their mom stopped calling me cause I was "that wierd gay guy who spent too much time with them" and replaced me with an elderly neighbor. Who turned out to be abusive.

lightning_palm · 2022-05-05T05:35:13+00:00

I was with you until you mentioned 'toxic masculinity'.

We need to stop collectively demonizing men for being around children, or they will grow up & contribute to the cycle of 'toxic masculinity'.

Aimless-Nomad · 2022-05-04T19:33:16+00:00

Tell her to fuck off next time

She is obviously being a bitch

stacyxxluv · 2022-05-04T17:43:44+00:00

I really don’t care to be honest. I’m not letting a man baby sit my kids. It’s been proven to be a lot riskier in terms of sexual abuse etc. And my kids always come first, sorry. Hope that doesn’t hurt your feelings, but it’s just the truth.

I still agree that in theory, men can be just as capable.

InformalCriticism · 2022-05-04T17:03:17+00:00

I mean yeah, but the men who want to be baby sitters are sus.

fuzijo · 2022-05-04T15:53:31+00:00

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MiddleReasonable647 · 2022-05-04T15:27:41+00:00

Statistically, boyfriends of a mother harm kids at a much higher rate than other parties harm kids. But there is definite and huge overlap. The overlap is why these kinds of debates about groups rage on and on: Overlapping bell curves.
Example: the bell curves of strength or intelligence of men vs women overlap, but the male is shifted to one side (in the case of strength) or is broader (in the case of intelligence). These sociological/psychological/physical/cultural/ethnic phenomena of overlapping but different bell curves cause a lot of fighting about prejudices and discrimination.
We haven’t figured out how to handle the fact that most women are weaker than most men, for example. How do we stratify sports when that is the case?!
We can’t say in polite society that certain crime statistics are skewed toward one group or another! But the fact remains that Men are more likely to commit some crimes, Women more likely to commit others.

Title	(rant) Men are capable babysitters and it's time we stop patronizing them
Author	fuzijo
Upvotes	361
Comments	94
Date	May 4, 2022 2:09 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/ui7giz/rant_men_are_capable_babysitters_and_its_time_we/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/rant-men-are-capable-babysitters-and-its-time-we.1115585 https://theredarchive.com/post/1115585

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