Why don't shelters and social workers require proof?

chavelah · 2012-06-05T00:24:31+00:00

I'm the victim. Why don't I get to go to the shelter with my child?

Well, you never tried. In fact, you signed a non-prosecution affidavit and allowed your abuser back into your home.

This is the most frustrating aspect of trying to help abuse victims - they are their own worse enemies most of the time. They close ranks with their abuser against the authorities. They allow the abuse to continue, in their homes, with their children as witnesses and/or collateral victims.

Now, because your abuser is a woman, she is able to use the system against you very easily, and that's not right. But when the system tried to help you, you rejected the help. You have dug yourself into a hole and if you can't find a way to afford a lawyer, you are not likely to be able to pull yourself out :-(

MartialWay · 2012-06-05T01:41:21+00:00

Go to court and file for full custody. After it's awarded, file against her for kidanpping. In the meantime, see if the Restraininig Orders in your state include temporary custody orders (they often do) and file one of those.

OhMyMoogle · 2012-06-04T22:55:34+00:00

If she's ended up in jail for it, there are records of it. Go to the police.

curioussser · 2012-06-04T23:09:05+00:00

So you did throw a toy chair? If you didn't throw it at her, what or who did you throw it at? Was your daughter present when you threw it? Also, is it possible something you said may have been construed as a threat by her? It sounds like you were angry enough to throw a chair, so I'm curious if some words were also said in anger.

Just trying to get the facts here, no offense meant.

victim of abuse from my wife. She's ended up in jail for it repeatedly.

The shelter is not the place to bring those records, but you should have a copy of them ready. Unfortunately, it sounds like we're dealing with present allegations and present threats - not historical ones.

nnnslogan · 2012-06-04T23:44:23+00:00

time to call a lawyer. I've always thought they couldn't take the child without a warrant.

nnnslogan · 2012-06-04T23:23:06+00:00

I'm so sorry for your situation, but I would assume they don't require proof because it would be hard for a genuine victim to show said proof. If a woman really was in danger from her husband, as well as her child in danger, she can hardly get him to confirm that she is in danger of him as proof. Just because the man does not have a record she could show does not mean she, or her child, would not be in danger. She'd have no way to prove it.

Yes, your wife has taken advantage. But that is your wife taking advantage. I don't think it's really right to blame the shelters or social workers for this. They are there to keep people safe to the best of their ability. I'm sure you would agree that they would have done the right thing if they had treated a woman and child, who really were in danger, the same.

Blame your wife as an individual, here, for taking advantage.

That said, I desperately hope you are able to get things sorted out. Do you have any friends or family members who know the truth of the situation?

Trahas · 2012-06-05T00:25:20+00:00

It is time to get the lawyer. Fight for her [your daughter]!

Il128 · 2012-06-05T13:31:10+00:00

They do if you are a man. Trust me, I tried to find a shelter and none of them would even talk to me unless I could proved I'd filed charges AND had record of an emergency room visit as a result of domestic abuse.

That was as close as I ever came to getting in to a shelter for domestic violence. The ER visit just wasn't possible.

nnnslogan · 2012-06-04T23:09:51+00:00

Her subjective experience is more valuable than your facts.

burritosandbeer · 2012-06-05T03:41:29+00:00

Social workers are not to blame here. They do not have the authority. They only investigate, and present a case to the courtroom. You may have encountered one that 'took sides' and done what they could to fuck you over, but it's more likely he/she was doing his/her job, and doesn't take any complaints lightly. This includes complaints from liars. If you're going to peg a villain here, it's your (soon to be, I hope) ex-wife.

ToraZalinto · 2012-06-05T06:41:16+00:00

A similar situation happened to me. I was the child in the incident. The only thing you can do is start up a legal battle to get your child. Outside of a court order you will never be able to come on to the premise and take your child. The only other option would be to try to "steal" her back from another location but this can get you into trouble despite there being no legal reason why your child was taken. I don't recommend that course of action. As others in the thread have said simply start the legal process to obtain custody and report her as kidnapped.

Jetmann114 · 2012-06-05T15:47:22+00:00

Oh god this is horrible. I dream that someday, we will see the atrocious storms of sexism come to dusk, a halt. We may never see this day, but we all work towards it. Events like this are a constant reminder that these sick and foul crimes must be supressed, and that is what we do, we fight back because we must, we fight because we are MEN. My hopes go out to you OP.

LovelyLadies · 2012-06-05T18:02:38+00:00

Yeah this is horrible. I'd suggest getting a lawyer. And def talk to that support worker's supervisor.

TracyMorganFreeman · 2012-06-05T02:55:02+00:00

Because proof is victim blaming or something.

rightsbot · 2012-06-04T22:44:18+00:00

Post text automatically copied here. (Why?) (Report a problem.)

stemgang · 2012-06-05T03:57:59+00:00

IMHO, the social worker has committed conspiracy to kidnap, by helping your wife to remove the child from its primary caregiver.

File a complaint with the social worker's supervisor.

(I know, the remedies available are dramatically short of the crime committed.)

nnnslogan · 2012-06-05T11:11:07+00:00

It because the policy is written and controlled by VAWA.

Title	Why don't shelters and social workers require proof?
Author	nnnslogan
Upvotes	44
Comments	48
Date	June 4, 2012 10:43 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/ul0nv/why_dont_shelters_and_social_workers_require_proof/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/why-dont-shelters-and-social-workers-require-proof.1020465 https://theredarchive.com/post/1020465

Comments