Why is it always assumed or suggested that men should want to get married and have kids, as if this is the ultimate achievement and an enjoyable path?

Final_Philosopher663 · 2023-04-14T23:06:43+00:00

It is a society's policy to "encourage" its people a bit for marriage because it creates stability in the society. That is probably the main reason behind this. Plus raising kids is a matter of long term survival as well (biologically). Now of course this many times gets out of hand and it creates problems.

You do you my guy, think about yourself first and if you don't want to then don't . No need to give any excuse , just say I don't want to .

jr_xo · 2023-04-15T07:54:48+00:00

Because they want you and your family be part of the matrix (I know it's an overused term these days but it's true)

AvailableCandidate89 · 2023-04-14T22:54:22+00:00

Because someone has to finance a woman's life and the expensive children society expects to continue being produced

And since women already have the job of being the recipient of a man's labor/finances/assets/effort, all that's left for the men is to be abused, shamed, guilted, or otherwise forced into being the "provider" of all of those things.

KrazyJazz · 2023-04-15T02:26:45+00:00

It is because our masters need a constant flow of workers to run the money making machine, compliant workers with something to lose who will keep it quiet, nice and smooth.

Just a suggestion: if you apply for a job, don't say you're single and childless. I've noticed it is frowned upon after a certain age. And, at 32, you're in the danger zone.

Uncle_Touchy1987 · 2023-04-15T02:16:12+00:00

Happily married, no kids and signed cohab agreement. Life is grand.

pm_me_your_buttbulge · 2023-04-15T02:31:45+00:00

Because the majority of people do want kids. People tend to assume that is the majority. It's only very recently that people have wanted people to not assume anything at all (which isn't realistic and goes against lots of biological programming and survival mechanism).

Hornydaddy696 · 2023-04-15T04:00:17+00:00

Men tend to want family. In general, of course. If you wanna stay single, stay single. Do what you think is being told my your internal system as opposed to external stimuli.

Tsui_Red · 2023-04-14T23:55:10+00:00

My wife and I are the same. I have my enjoyment and hobbies and so does she both together and separate. We decided young to not have kids and we have never regretted it but in our culture that's a big no no and I get asked that all the time, my wife about the same and ina lot of ways we get shamed for our decisions

CarHungry · 2023-04-15T03:52:51+00:00

If you can trick someone into doing things for you (like a dare) and they did it without hesitation, you'd call that person trustworthy and loyal, especially the more costly what you ask is. That's mostly what religious practices in general are. Basically standardized excersizes of trust that create relatable experiences among people.

The only reason we even question it now is because of how much those communities have eroded. In the old days even implying you wouldn't get married could make you a pariah in your area, which is almost certainly death in harsher parts of the world.

Plus with modern technology, alot of this stuff can pretty easily be proven dumb and useless, and thus people are harder to trick into obedience and conformity.

ExMuzzy · 2023-04-15T02:04:00+00:00

We are raised to believe it's a good thing by society and the media.

It's a financial safety net for most women since the majority do not date down. It's a financial win if they stay married since men are still expected to be providers and still a financial win if they get divorced, through alimony, even if they're working. I've seen people recommend marriage to women so that it's harder for her partner to leave her, especially if they have kids together.

IRL, I've never had a problem talking about the financial downsides of marriage to other guys but on Reddit you get downvoted for it lol. It's the elephant in the room.

dw87190 · 2023-04-15T01:40:49+00:00

The hypergamous are always trying to con us into playing their games

UnconventionalXY · 2023-04-15T03:04:46+00:00

Nature is based on perpetuation of the species, so it encourages individuals down that path. However, it actually needs to drug men and women to stay together long enough for procreation to be successful, even with sex being pleasurable, which suggests how much of a sacrifice children are. Children being a sacrifice does not detract from the necessity of them for the species to continue.

Society follows a similar plan which started out in balance, but which has seen the ability to workaround natures tricks in ensuring procreation so that having children becomes a choice and not the automatic outcome of sex. Womens choice (but not responsibility) being allowed to override practical objective considerations for subjective desires is a more recent development that has unbalanced the situation further and is actually dissuading and preventing men from having children. Nevertheless, fundamentally men and women are biologically designed to procreate, it's just that we are now being actively turned off by 80% of women chasing 20% of men, villifying the rest and creating a large number of relationship-less people who hate each other for different reasons.

I think society has been remiss in not understanding children are a sacrifice, but ensuring that sacrifice is reduced as much as possible and the positives of it being reinforced, so that the natural interest in having children is encouraged enough to achieve population sustainability. People would still want children if the barriers to a good life were not so high, especially now to men via women villifying male sexuality.

I think the OP is disinterested because he has been discouraged by how unbalanced the situation has become for men: if he had been born during the 1960's for example, I think he would have been more enthusiastic.

I blame the removal of conjugal rights and responsibilities (as in not cuckolding) for both as starting the decline.

da_trealest · 2023-04-15T13:59:29+00:00

“Because marriage doesn’t work in the world today. It’s an institution that is in decay. And if I have love that I wish to portray, I will surely find a better way.”

“When the girl you knew, and the bonds we grew, turn into a hall and chain. It’s a crazy world to live alone, a ball and chain I call my home.”

Sublime knew in 2006…

kn_yt5225 · 2023-04-15T07:50:24+00:00

I agree here completely. I'm 15, and if I do something dumb, my dad always asks me how I will be able to get married with that behavior.

Also, he always talks about my future "wife" even after I came out as bisexual.

-Soggy-Potato- · 2023-04-15T12:51:34+00:00

a lot of it is rooted in traditional stereotypes in society. I.e. the ‘Nuclear Family’ being presented as the shining example of adulthood

these trends have seen consistent decline though if we look at statistics around families, so things like the age at which people get married, have their first child are all increasing.

there’s also a trend of couples ‘cohabiting’, so living together whilst not getting married, as well as simply not having children at all, going childfree

Bowlnk · 2023-04-15T17:38:12+00:00

Man who are tied down by a family are easier to control. Because the wellbeing of their family makes them happy.

Men who aren't will just leave, adapt or not co-operate.

I would have loved a family but the older i get the less i want one. I have given myself a deadline if i reach it before having a family of my own. And this can just be a gf or wife.

Then i will set in motion my plan to not be a burden to my relatives when i shedd this mortal coil 40 to 50 years after my deadline. They won't have to deal with funeral arrangements as i'm donating my body to science. And my "wealth" will eather be donated to charity or just divvyed up among my next of kin.

The only the might have to do is clean out my then residence.

Soggy-Purchase-7223 · 2023-04-14T22:59:47+00:00

It’s insane. Meanwhile no one has ever asked a woman when they are going to have kids.

SenpaiSeesYou · 2023-04-15T14:50:01+00:00

Because a lot of people don't know what they want, or don't have anything that especially drives them or makes them happy, so they go with the lifescript. Lifescript is the easy, no-thinking way, like moving from 8th grade to high school. It has the most opportunities to happen as most partners will likewise be lacking in any special passion or directive beyond performing their part in the script, with you doing theirs. Sadly, most fictional stories, written about heroes with unusual drive and purpose and interest, end with 'and then they married and had children' lifescript happiness because authors don't know how else to signal 'happiness' for these unique individuals beyond the lifescript prescription.

Now granted, for lots of people, it also really is fulfilling. For at least a few people, that is their personal, special passion. I don't think it'd be THE lifescript if everyone was faking satisfaction with it.

But for a lot of people it's just a thing they can do and start seeing success towards so they come around to liking it because it's at least something to do, something to be--or if they don't, they're told it's a problem with them. (Look at the sheer rage the existence of MGTOWs earns, and they haven't even necessarily wasted anyone's time by trying with them only to find it not worth it.) So the people not satisfied with, but already stuck in a relationship or with kids suck it up until their midlife crisis when they realize they have the same problem they did before marriage and kids: no personal purpose or passion in life, and having completed the lifescript (raised children to successful adulthood) didn't actually leave them with a sense of satisfaction in life so much as that same post-education ennui of 'what now?'

UnwantedThrowawayGuy · 2023-04-15T15:31:39+00:00

It looks like you should join the voluntary human extinction movement.

Spifffyy · 2023-04-15T19:51:15+00:00

26M here, single, but doing well for myself. The only thing I believe missing from my life is a partner. There is nothing more I want than to to get married and have my own family.

Turns out people are different. Even within the same gender.

Black-Patrick · 2023-04-15T21:49:37+00:00

Married with two kids. What is wrong with settling? Nomadic existence doesn’t sound appealing. Always knew that I wanted to have kids and knew that I could make it work with the woman that I married.

Lingonslask · 2023-04-15T22:14:34+00:00

I don't know about mediocre and toxic. As far as kids go I just think most people with kids realize it gives there life a meaning it didn't have before and a lot of us know that we wouldn't have been able to understand the emotions associated with kids until we got them.

It's also a necessity for civilisation to continue but I'm guessing that's in our genes.

firewalks_withme · 2023-04-15T22:17:49+00:00

Wasn't it the other way around? ...on, nevermind, I forgot that I am from Eastern Europe...

WorldlinessCold5335 · 2023-04-16T11:35:40+00:00

I dunno, ask Matt Walsh. I don't think it's enough for most men on its own though. More women are like this I think..

Forcetobereckonedwit · 2023-04-16T16:22:48+00:00

Because serving the needs of the almighty vagina should be your only goal, ever.

(Do I really need to put the /s?)

Texas881992 · 2023-04-16T20:29:32+00:00

Zero interest...a game for suckers and no longer a respected role in this current society

Title	Why is it always assumed or suggested that men should want to get married and have kids, as if this is the ultimate achievement and an enjoyable path?
Author	Igloo-Pincher
Upvotes	77
Comments	42
Date	April 14, 2023 10:39 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/12mgc1p/why_is_it_always_assumed_or_suggested_that_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/why-is-it-always-assumed-or-suggested-that-men.1214435 https://theredarchive.com/post/1214435

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