Gender and Expectations

planejane · 2019-07-29T15:05:48+00:00

What do you think society expects from your gender as a whole?

Obedience. Work. Silence. Penance. Self flagellation. Quiet contemplation of the superiority of all things Female.

What is expected from you on a first date?

Being 6'4" with a BMI of -2 and shoulders roughly 4x the circumference of my hips.

What is expected from you in a LTR?

Have all the functions of an ATM, uber driver, manservant, bodyguard, gay best friend, and childcare provider rolled up into one.

Do you feel your expectations are comparable to the opposite gender?

Yes, we both expect much of me.

Do you feel weighted down by any expectations, or can you navigate them well?

The only way i can think to navigate them is in a skiff headed straight up the west coast to alaska. Set up a cabin and surround it with barbed wire and claymores to prevent women from getting their hooks in me ever again. Disregard humanity, have 10 dogs, ice fish and read books. Profit.

Red__Blue · 2019-07-29T18:12:06+00:00

This are too damn many questions it’s way too broad but let’s talk dates

What is expected from you on a first date?

I’m a guy. If i’m on a date, I’m essentially a chaperone and source entertainment the whole night. If the conversation flows it has nothing to do with her, I’m literally ticking off check boxes like a robot to start the conversation, building a tree of hooks to ask about to make sure the conversation never slows down, giving her compliments on things she worked hard on to make her happy/boost her self esteem and taking notes on her mundane trivia to validate her existence. Honestly if we ‘clicked’ on a conversation, and I never heartily laughed once from something she did or said , I could have done this faster conversing with a potato. If she have no intellectual interests and like talking about how much she likes to travel and pictures of her friends on a boat or her dog or what she does at work I’m honestly dead bored.

Meanwhile I’m also handling the tone of the night, managing my date’s feelings (e.g. constantly assessing whether she’s comfortable and enjoying herself over and over and over), making sure we’re both safe, and in charge of escalating (if you’re too fast they get nervous and uncomfortable, and if you’re too slow for them they drop you like a sack of bricks because ‘the attraction is missing/lost/didn’t click’). I have to make a solid case that I’m not secretly a serial killer and a sexual deviant because every girl is paranoid and can’t bring themselves to face such dangers unless I pay $50 for their plate of spaghetti: something no psycho could ever do. Lastly I have to judge whether I even like her after dealing with all of this.

LovingLivingLarge · 2019-07-29T14:59:13+00:00

What do you think society expects from your gender as a whole?

i don't have a good answer for that, but I'm sure other women will. IDK about the word society meaning much to me and I operate outside the norm anyways.

What is expected from you on a first date?

usually a fun time and good sex. (female)

What is expected from you in a LTR?

To behave like good wife material, no matter if it leads to marriage or not. IT's never what I did, but it is the expectation.

Do you feel your expectations are comparable to the opposite gender?

this is a little vague. I expect a number of things from a man who's going to be around me a lot, men have whatever expectations they have.

Do you feel weighted down by any expectations, or can you navigate them well?

If someone's expectations are weighing me down and i don't want to meet them, well that's that, isnt it? bye

Do you feel like any expectations are unreasonable?

It doesn't really matter if expectations are reasonable, if you want to meet them, go for it. EVeryone has the right to want what they want, i don't have to give it to them.

having said all that, my husband has a lot of expectations that i have to try hard to keep, and am not perfect at. He keeps me trying hard for him, and i like that.

headchefboyardee · 2019-07-29T20:03:01+00:00

Violence
Sexual aggression. From personal experience, if I meet a woman for a date who doesn't know me from work or school, she's looking for a forward-dominant person
0 am black in Colorado.
No, contemporary feminism is about how it's okay to be any kind of woman.
I feel no pressure from expectations because, for the most part, my outcomes in the dating world have nothing to do with my planning or forethought and have often defied what I'd expected
The conversations people have about finances are unreasonable and often minimize what it takes to make money, while downplaying how much of your money they're hoping to spend.

Orange_Paisley · 2019-07-29T17:30:34+00:00

•What do you think society expects from your gender as a whole?

That we be cute, nice, not fat, and not old

•What is expected from you on a first date?

Good company and a genuine interest in the person I am on a date with.

•What is expected from you in a LTR?

Companionship, affection, teamwork, my half of the financial obligations, and sex.

•Do you feel your expectations are comparable to the opposite gender?

My expectations of the opposite gender as a whole, or my expectations of my opposite sex partner? People expect different things from men than they do women. Men are supposed to be competent and strong and leaders. We're just supposed to look cute and bake cookies or some shit.

•Do you feel weighted down by any expectations, or can you navigate them well?

I tend to ignore them. I just do what I need to do, to the best of my abilities, and let the chips fall where they may.

•Do you feel like any expectations are unreasonable?

There seems to be a universal expectation from certain men that as women we're supposed to fawn on them, and I just can't with that. If you want me to fawn, be fawnworthy.

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LivelyChartreuse · 2019-07-29T15:03:16+00:00

- Probably lots of things but I try not to care beyond what's useful and what I already like

- That I don't be a cunt and that I be cute and approachable...? Super obvious what a girl ought to do on a first date but that's if *I* want it to work out, not just to make *him* feel like I lived up to woo woo society

- ^^ and also to do chores

- I don't care

- I don't let myself get burdened with that kind of crap

- Not really

A lot of this has been solved by dating a weird guy who likes that I'm also weird. Anything that's socially "expected" that I do is because he personally wants it or I want it, and if he doesn't want it then I don't have to care.

87AudreyHorne · 2019-07-29T15:09:00+00:00

People who are relevant to my life and upbringing (family, friends, educators, professional contacts, even exes) really dont have any expectations from me "as a woman" or from my brother "as a man" - I'm using him as reference because same circles obviously.

Of course I am not blind to the fact there are social expectations but I'm probably only affected by the aesthetics of it.

Nothing is expected on me on first dates and ltr's, just being myself.

The social stereotypes that dont really affect me but annoy me the most is this RP nonsense about women being submissive (gross), and in general that we dont know what to do with ourselves. I also hate the idea that all women want to be mothers. Actualky I think mothers get screwed the most by double standards even in very equal environments - that's when fairness ends (even biologically).

Even for women who do want kids, I believe they still want million other things in life, but it seems like people today expect them to be these boring self sacrificing martyrs who care only about their kid. Honestly it's mostly internet that gives me this impression, but its sad. I feel like I'm lucky that I dont want kids so I can avoid the whole nonsense. Some expectations from mothers/putting family first are just insane and manipulative

DREADC0RSAIR · 2019-07-29T15:26:28+00:00

What do you think society expects from your gender as a whole?

I don't really care about what society wants, society is littered with too many idiots.

What is expected from you on a first date?

If i like a lady enough to take her out I'd make sure we have a good time for both of our sakes but if she has expectations going in that's going to be a pass from me.

What is expected from you in a LTR?

Continuing to do all the things that drew us together in the first place.

Do you feel your expectations are comparable to the opposite gender?

By my standards I wouldn't do something I know she wouldn't do for me so it's even. But for many men stuck in bad relationships it's different.

Do you feel weighted down by any expectations, or can you navigate them well?

If a relationship feels like it's more trouble than it's worth it'll be a pass. You can't be weighed down that way.

Do you feel like any expectations are unreasonable?

Yes, there are people with unreasonable expectations just as there will always be starved people willing to take them on. It's very easy to walk away from those that expect too much though.

wtknight · 2019-07-29T15:49:52+00:00

I’ve never really cared about expectations. I have my own personal code of how women who I’m attracted to should be treated in regards to relationships. If it didn’t work to attract any women, I’d likely adjust it somewhat. But because it has worked, I have not had to.

[deleted] · 2019-07-29T17:26:30+00:00

Do you feel weighted down by any expectations, or can you navigate them well?

What the fuck do you think the Red Pill is? It's exactly seeing through those expectations in order to navigate them well!!!

i_have_a_semicolon · 2019-07-29T17:41:56+00:00

Be hot, be pretty, be nice, don't get emotional
Be engaging, and interesting, and offer to pay half.
Be loyal, be respectful, be kind and giving, be selfless, be a team player, be sexy and sexual, be affectionate.
Not getting emotional is hard. I'd prefer to be accepted and understood for my emotions and them not to reflect on my character. Emotional states are temporary, I don't hold on to them much less anticipate what would cause them, and painfully aware of them and how I am possibly perceived different because of them. Ultimately I am smart, capable, rational, and respectable, and open minded. I want to get that across even if emotional states make it temporarily difficult, and I want forgiveness and understand in the event that it occurs. All other expectations are fine.
No

zayelion · 2019-07-29T19:25:58+00:00

The culture I am from,...
- Go to school and ignore women and sports till I am 18
- Go to a religious college and make friends with people.
- When I graduate marry a "friend" all of this while maintaining my virginity.
- After have kids and be super controlling breadwinner that somehow does not work weekends and can take Fridays off.

In the culture I am in
- Stab other people in the back
- Make insane levels of income
- Try to nail everything male or female.

Triadfamilyties · 2019-07-29T19:51:11+00:00

As a bi guy who dates bi women pretty much all gender based expectations get thrown out, except for the killing bugs things and trash. Sex is usually expected on a first date, because by the time I ask a girl out on one I've talked to her enough that she's decided whether or not she's going to fuck me before she sees me in person. LTRs are negotiated among my kind seemingly more often than not and I would be the rule rather than the exception there. My expectations aren't about gender really either cause I'm bi but I have some pretty standard relationship expectations all the same and some very nonstandard ones like total honesty. Feel like I navigate them pretty well and honestly there aren't any unreasonable expectations of me that I allow myself to be held to so unreasonable expectations tend to be their problem rather than mine.

katymarx · 2019-07-29T22:29:00+00:00

Ugh, too much work. I expect a man I know to help me carry heavy things if he’s around and physically able to so I don’t get hurt. Blah blah blah blah. I’d be pretty pissed if he just sat on his ass

WestsideMoonWalker · 2019-07-29T23:24:10+00:00

What do you think society expects from your gender as a whole?

Huge question. Depends on what segment of society you are from imo. For me, it depends, but I don't really feel the external expectations of society. I barely feel much in the way of expectations from my own family even.

What is expected from you on a first date?

To be fun to be around. Also never felt too many expectations on a first date.

What is expected from you in a LTR?

To be faithful, to put thought and effort into the relationship, to be fun to be around and continue to be fun over time.

Do you feel your expectations are comparable to the opposite gender?

Yep

Do you feel weighted down by any expectations, or can you navigate them well?

Nah. I don't really feel the need to please others outside of those I care about, or out of necessity (e.g. I want my boss to be happy with my work so I can have an income and not be broke). With dating specifically, I only actually enjoy LTRs, so things have always gone pretty much as I expected since I figured myself out.

Do you feel like any expectations are unreasonable?

No

IRL_Kermit · 2019-07-30T05:35:39+00:00

Personally, I believe that society wants me to treat my significant other with respect and dignity. That being said, I believe that society also wants me to be there to support my significant other.

Title	Gender and Expectations
Author	ManDomesticated
Upvotes	5
Comments	34
Date	July 29, 2019 2:43 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/cjc5sx/gender_and_expectations/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/gender-and-expectations.254688 https://theredarchive.com/post/254688

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