How to reject someone ?

exit_sandman · 2015-05-18T13:41:12+00:00

Yes.
He would probably have gone full sour grapes on you.
You're already in a relationship and your BF is the best thing since sliced bread. Always.

cuittler · 2015-05-18T14:28:30+00:00

My reaction to that situation depends on the guy's behavior. If he's being nice and respectful I'll do my best to let him down quickly but gently, something like "you're so sweet but I'm not single, thank you for the compliment" and smile. If he comes over and starts taking over my personal space, being rude or stares at my tits the whole time I'll dial up bitch mode with no ragrets, a cold "not interested" and glare until he backs off, or just ignore and walk away.

If they're actually trying to hit on you then no, I don't think so. Better not to waste their time or yours.
Depends on if you're cold or kind about it, use your best judgement but ultimately it's up to the man how he will respond. Most of the time being kind works well for me but some guys get pissed no matter what, that's not your fault.
Be firm and stop being polite if you have to.

rulenumber303 · 2015-05-18T17:55:31+00:00

If you'd have told him straight away he'd have found fault with that too. Pretty much he's sad in the pants and looking to blame anyone for that other than himself.

BaadKitteh · 2015-05-18T20:02:23+00:00

That guy was a butthurt douchebag. If he didn't want to "waste his time", he should have hit on you at the outset. He wasted his time, not you. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Fuck everything about that attitude.

TheGreasyPole · 2015-05-18T13:47:39+00:00

I like /u/exit_sandman 's answers above. They are certainly the best answers FOR YOU. They are the strategy an RP site would give, because they would only be interested in the best strategy for your objectives (which appear to be to get rid of the guy).

I'd only alter them if you want to give the best answers FOR THE GUY. In that scenario,

1) Yes, it's rude to say that right at the start. Say it anyway, give him some time back to go make another approach elsewhere

2) He'll be grumpy, but tell him "Hey at least I didn't waste your time and get you to buy me a drink first ! I'm an honest girl !"

3) Tell him the honest truth about why you aren't interested. If it's because he is "Ugly, Smelly and Fat" then he probably needs to hear that. This is a terrible move for you (he might get pissed off) but it's the best answer for him. Just tell him why he doesn't turn you on.

So... Sandmans answers are the best for you... These are the answers I think are best for the guy.

Bakerofpie · 2015-05-18T16:17:08+00:00

I think it's really arrogant to tell a guy to shoo in the assumption he wants to fuck you as soon as he opens his mouth to speak to you. At least give him a chance to speak. Maybe he really does just want to bum a cigarette and make small talk for a minute and isn't planning to try to take you home. That's actually a thing that happens. If he asks to buy you a drink or he clearly stands to lose something then it's the time to politely decline, not when all he's said is "hi."

I deal/dealt with this by finding some way to bring up my boyfriend early in the conversation, even if that boyfriend didn't exist at the time. If they don't respond to that very clear but still polite display that you aren't interested it's acceptable to increase bitchiness until he does fuck off. "I have a boyfriend" > "no thanks, I'm not interested" > "fuck off." No need to lead with the fuck off.

GridReXX · 2015-05-18T16:17:18+00:00

1)Is it rude to immediately reject someone who is trying to talk to you ?

Yes. But do what is best for you.

2)If I told him "Not interested" as soon as he approached me , how do you think he would react ?

He would have been pissed either way.

3) How to show someone you're not interested in a way that they'll stop pushing it ?

"No thank you." If they don't accept polite. Be assertive. If they don't accept assertive. Well then don't be afraid to "offend."

But always start off cordial.

timodmo · 2015-05-18T22:54:09+00:00

So what we need here is tact. You should have track of gradually becoming more firm in rejection. Most men (that I know) can catch a hint from signs of disinterest or unavailability without you having to flat out say "not interested."

Hawanja · 2015-05-18T15:05:12+00:00

You owe this guy nothing. He picked up on your visual cues that you weren't interested - but he pushed on anyway. So don't be sorry about being rude to this person, he should have left when he saw you weren't into him.

[deleted] · 2015-05-18T15:54:27+00:00

1) Yes. But it's not your problem if he gets offended, he's going to get pissy either way. Might as well do it sooner rather than later.

2) Probably the same way he reacted after he chatted you up.

3) "I'm not attracted to you, sorry" or just walk away if they can't take a hint.

Nitzi · 2015-05-18T14:01:47+00:00

Tell him your reddit handle.

ECoast_Man · 2015-05-18T21:59:57+00:00

I don't think you handled that badly, he was just butthurt. Us skilled males don't need to be told, we can tell from your body language almost immediately.

1) No.

2) probably the same

3) do roughly what you did. Or, just drop communication. Ghost out by going to the bathroom and not coming back.

haircombsnightmare · 2015-05-18T23:17:22+00:00

You don't need to be rude, but you don't owe him any favours either. A "no, thank you" is enough, and he can deal with his feelings like an adult.

assmunchinator · 2015-05-18T23:21:22+00:00

I feel like I remember you mentioning you are under 21. how did you get into bars?

SirNemesis · 2015-05-18T23:49:42+00:00

1)Is it rude to immediately reject someone who is trying to talk to you ?

Not rude but maybe a little impolite. Better to provide a polite and friendly acknowledgement but also make the disclaimer that you aren't looking to be hit on by him.

2)If I told him "Not interested" as soon as he approached me , how do you think he would react ?

This guy sounds like a jerk (lots of such people out there) and he likely would have gotten mad at you for being rude when he supposedly "just wanted to talk".

3) How to show someone you're not interested in a way that they'll stop pushing it ?

No reliable way (except pepper spray). Just be friendly and politely tell him you aren't interested. If he persists, feel free to be rude to him; he deserves it.

Also, if it's a friend or a nice guy doing a non-bar approach the rejection goes over better if you show sympathy for having to reject him. Bonus points if you help set him up with a cute friend.

cxj · 2015-05-19T00:58:21+00:00

I'd get so over being approached if i was a girl I'd probably be a bitch too lol. Fuck having to deal with people all the time

MagicGainbow · 2015-05-19T15:06:46+00:00

...Or you could just not go out? you have less reason than most.

prodigy2throw · 2015-05-19T16:12:43+00:00

As someone who has crippling approach anxiety, this has ruined me in the past.
Depends on how you were approached. If it was all grabby and what not, saying you're not interested and walking away is the best.

If he's starting a conversation with you, be a decent human and engage because that's what civil people do. You can keep it short and say you're going back to your friends after.

Say you have a bf and you're just out with friends.

dundundundone · 2015-05-18T14:06:49+00:00

1) i think it depends on how you do it, and the situation; clearly, shutting someone down before they're able to complete their sentence can be kind of rude, but if it's clear that they're chatting you up (normally, not being crude or gross) and you aren't interested, i don't see the harm in quickly and politely letting them know.

2) if those were your exact words, i'd expect a negative and probably angry response. even minor rejections can sting, which is why personally it seems best to take a polite but assertive approach to it (unless the person being rejected has done something to warrant a more aggressive response).

3) well... i'm usually with my boyfriend at bars so on the rare occasion i'm at a bar, i don't really get approached (and may not be the best source of advice). in a public place, though, it seems to me that most people would back off after multiple rejections, if not just one (especially if you're a little blunt and/or loud about it, if the guy is bugging you). i'd rather avoid something like that, personally, but if it's reached the point where the guy is basically harassing you and not getting the hint or choosing to ignore it... you don't have to shout, but if you raise your voice to where it's likely others can hear you, the combo of rejection + embarrassment would do the trick, i'd imagine. i only see that being necessary if the guy's being a real jerk though.

Reginleifer · 2015-05-18T14:10:01+00:00

I'd be offended. It's something I hate, trying to ask for something (usually the only situation cause small talk seems to be verboten around here) and then getting shot down with the "i'm not interested, or "I don't have any money" (which stings more)

That is how first offenders are created. :/ You got to let them flirt once.

See above.
I'm not going to give you tips on how you should act, if this guy is obviously flirting then just tell him to fuck off. I'd be grateful for the heads up before I wasted any more time.

I'm approaching this from how I would like to be treated though, I don't even pretend to understand what the proper thing to do by society's standard is.

max_peenor · 2015-05-18T16:03:29+00:00

1) How you react says something about you. Be gracious and IN CONTROL of yourself if you want people to think you are a gracious and in control person. This applies to every interaction you have, including some sleaze trying to slither up your tree. No is always an acceptable answer. There are a billion ways to say it. You may end up talking tho this guy again for completely unrelated reasons (business, whatever); leave a positive impression with everyone you meet, even when nuking them from orbit.

2) How you react says something about you... "Not interested" is banal. Give him five seconds of your life to make it sound better. Even if you never see him again, those around you will remember it. Gracious and in control.

3) How you react says something about you. "I'm not in the mood" is horseshit. If you are going to shoot them down, be honest and direct. And gracious and in control.

buartha · 2015-05-18T17:40:40+00:00

1/ I don't think it is rude in and of itself. As long as you aren't blunt to the point of causing hurt feelings about it, it's best not to waste your time or his. I'd say if you want to do it straight away though, do it indirectly rather than just saying 'NO' (i.e. work a mention of a boyfriend in or say that you have to get back to your friends right now.)

2/ Some people will get mad at you no matter what you do if they fancy you and you reject them. My cousin's had guys bitch at her for not talking to them and others bitch at her for wasting their time, you really can't win. Whatever method you choose, just do it politely and with deference to their feelings and they have no right to complain.

3/ If you want a quick out, mention a boyfriend, or if you don't like lying about that, 'Sorry, girl's night out, no guys allowed, bye!'

Also, if your goal is to get out of things as quickly and painlessly as possible, I would actually advise against the honesty that other people in this thread have recommended. 'Not interested' or 'you're not my type' just invites a bunch of whiny 'but whyyyy' from a certain kind of guy who seems very common in bars. Making it seem like you're not available rather than just not interested will get someone out of your hair much quicker.

Title	How to reject someone ?
Author	HappilySingleWoman
Upvotes	5
Comments	71
Date	May 18, 2015 1:37 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/36d8oz/how_to_reject_someone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-to-reject-someone.282093 https://theredarchive.com/post/282093

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