Options.

Galen74 · 2022-04-24T15:02:30+00:00

As a guy in his 40s I certainly don't have many options.

gladusgates · 2022-04-24T13:01:41+00:00

Yes, absolutely. We live in a globalised sexual market place now where by simply logging on an app you can date people from all over the world. No longer do you need to date the guy next door who earns the same amount as you do in the same dead-end retail job, you can date the six-figure earning software engineer from another side of the country. Women have too many options for casual sex in particular, if that is what they are looking for. Average men do not have these same options despite having access to the same dating apps. This breeds resentment.

As another PPD'er said prior, women hate it when men have options, but they maintain options themselves. The reason they hate when men have options is they believe all men have these options because Chad does and Chad does not want to settle down therefore no men want to settle down because the average woman's world revolves around CHAD. And they are only ever focusing on Chad. They have tunnelvision on Chad. Also known as Apex Fallacy. "Men are all dogs!". No, Beta Billy is not a dog, and he is not a "nice guy", he's a genuine, good man. Chad is a dog, and to you no other men exist sexually besides him, until you hit the wall at least.

You are right, both parties lose. Average women lose because they can't secure any of the chads they swipe on and they grow to resent ALL men because of it. Average men lose because they don't even get their foot in the door to begin with.

daddysgotanew · 2022-04-24T16:01:07+00:00

Most women have options. Most men don’t. As a well above average man in just about every metric my options are near 0.

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-04-24T12:24:55+00:00

Yes, availability skews women's self perception. And they unironically hate it when men have standards/options. They've been so ingrained in the idea that men should just be accepting of them while they're allowed to reject men.

KirthWGersen · 2022-04-24T12:58:41+00:00

I think options have made it much better.

Options make people aware that they don't have to put up with poor treatment. When you have options, you have no reason to mistreat people to make them stay; nor do you have to stay if you are mistreated.

Also, people don't have to stay in dead relationships that have run their course.

Options mean we can be with people out of desire, not need.

They are bad news, however, for people who don't make an effort, don't listen, don't keep fit, or who don't remain interested and interesting. They have diminishing options, while others around them have more.

sdfsdaaasw · 2022-04-24T12:55:30+00:00

I think this has been a prevailing issue for both men and women. If you begin to believe that there is someone “better” at the next swipe, you begin to see people as just a number, wanting to continually swipe to get someone greater than.

I’m not suggesting people settle, I’m simply saying that it is human nature, when provided with endless options via dating apps, to want to roll the dice again and again to see if they can get better. When in reality, people may be overlooking compatible individuals and healthy potential partners

NinjaOfTheSouth · 2022-04-24T12:40:26+00:00

For women, options have made dating difficult for them, there everywhere.

Most men wouldn’t even know what options were if weren’t for the internet 😂

januaryphilosopher · 2022-04-24T12:39:25+00:00

I don't think it has. More options means that you have a greater chance of finding someone you like. If someone doesn't choose you when they have options, I don't know why you'd think they'd be happy with you if they were forced to be with you as their only option. I'm not sure in what sense most people "lose" either - more people get a chance at actual romantic love now than in the past.

gofigure62 · 2022-04-24T13:04:02+00:00

No. Communal isolation and the higher cost of living with stagnant wages has made dating harder.

People have less time and resources to socialize IRL in their communities, and thus have less chances to make organic connections with others in person.

Online dating isn't real life. There has never been enough women to participate on the medium, behavior on the apps are controlled to improve profit, and the people prone to use these have social deviations from the general population.

Typically people would organically meet at a communal spot such as a local concert, or gaming center. Most people don't have the time, energy, or money to frequent these places. And if they do, they don't have the social connections to make them feel comfortable going alone. So people tend to self isolate because they have no one to connect to.

In an attempt to connect with others they MAY try online dating. Men get zero matches, while women get bombarded with hypersexual and offensive/abusive messages. Both users have a negative experience and abandon the platform, but do not change or reframe their personal interactions with their IRL community. Loneliness sets in and they download the apps again, same shitty experience , they delete and repeat.

There aren't local communal IRL online spaces that connect people WHO PARTICIPATE consistently who share in mutual interests on a regular basis. Most online spaces connect people globally with no centralized space where people can meet others from their neighborhood or near their neighborhood compared to back in the day.

Most social apps do not allow you to search for other people with similar interests by zipcode. So findinf other like minded people who WANT ot have organic connections to others is practically eliminated.

Which leaves people to believe that apps, which are designed to bleed them dry for money are real life representations of dating. Especially when most male users of these apps consider them sex delivery services instead of actual mediums to build a romantic relationship with a woman.

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deeronmylawn · 2022-04-24T13:58:46+00:00

In my stupid opinion.... Options made it easier for short term, more difficult for long term. Since OLD became a thing I dated way more women (in my 30s/40s) than in my 20s! But I personally am ok with that. I prefer the MLTR (multi long term relationships) or serial monogamist.

So I guess for people who are looking for "the one/my person/spending the rest of my life with/he completes me/unicorn" too much options only makes things worse. Go figure.

Galen74 · 2022-04-24T14:22:19+00:00

[permanently deleted]

EstablishmentKooky50 · 2022-04-24T14:43:28+00:00

Options are not necessary bad IMO. What makes it harder is that those options can not be equally distributed for obvious reasons and that many people find it challenging to distinguish between different kind of attractions (short vs long term). A pretty woman may be bombarded with attention, especially on OLD, but most of the attention - at least initially - is not about her personally which is fine as long as she doesn't really want more then short term relationships.

For men it became much harder to have options since the "dating market" became increasingly globalized. Without online, the dating pool was much smaller and competition was limited, you only had to rise to the level of the best guy in your village/town/local area, but now you have to compete with men all around the world, and it's not easy to compete with a handsome millionaire from Abu Dhabi who appears to be kind and compassionate or the "Diamond Prince" from the Tinder Swindler, who now suddenly appears to be available to any avarage woman.

In smaller circles, it was possible to know more about people without ever meeting them, you were almost guaranteed to know someone who knew the guy/gal or at least their family. People, families had reputation, now that's mostly gone and all people can do is to check out each other's social media which is easy to be faked, and you do not really have a clue who you are being involved with for a relationship.

So it's like having options can not only make you - often falsely - beleive that you are more valuable then others but also many people can not use it to their advantage.

That said, if one can resist the urge to become pompous and arrogant and know how to vet potential partners, one can absolutely benefit from having more options.

wtknight · 2022-04-24T14:56:38+00:00

It’s more difficult, sure. But mature people know to stay loyal unless a person is really making one unhappy because there’s going to be problems with every single partner that one meets.

DivineWakaloon · 2022-04-24T14:58:07+00:00

By this argument, then restricting people to a few options they don't want, compared to many options they might get better results from is a good thing?

"Hey divorced guys, you want to pay alimony or double alimony?"

Restricting options means you're just trying to pick the "lesser evil", not "the best".

More options is better. The people that have the "problem" of too many options have mental disorders. One shouldn't base a life philosophy on the mentally ill and their problems. Not everyone is paralyzed by choice.

sarkington · 2022-04-24T15:14:35+00:00

Depends on if you have them or not

bluestjuice · 2022-04-24T15:44:15+00:00

I do think the perception of unlimited options in potential partners does some wacky things to the human brain. It feeds into analysis paralysis generally and in dating, I think, a sort of perfectionism where you want to hold out for someone even better than good because unlimited options give the impression that they could be out there if you just keep looking. I don’t think I fully understand the ramifications, but yeah, I think it’s a factor.

Hoopy223 · 2022-04-24T16:07:42+00:00

What options? And for whom? Seriously here.

Online dating? I’d rather be an average guy sitting at a bar somewhere than spend another minute dating online.

Clubs? They’ve always been around. Nothing new there. Grandma and grandpa kicked up their heels at the dance hall.

Dating through work? Whoa there. Flirting with girls at work could get you in a lot of trouble nowadays.

The only “options” that are newly socially acceptable are divorce/single parenthood. Everything else is the same or worse.

Title	Options.
Author	Ylduts
Upvotes	8
Comments	44
Date	April 24, 2022 6:46 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/uaoqp7/options/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/options.1111387 https://theredarchive.com/post/1111387

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