Q4All: What does settling even mean?

passepar2t · 2018-12-06T01:28:35+00:00

If your partner's not attractive enough to excite you but you made yourself endure them, you may have settled.

Barely-moral · 2018-12-06T01:39:00+00:00

If you have to use reason to convince yourself that the relationship is fine because your emotions are not enough. Chances are that you settled.

TheBookOfSeil · 2018-12-06T02:11:01+00:00

Pretty much what it sounds like.

You could’ve gotten better at some point, but took what you were given.

Kind of like when you settle out of court. Same concept.

Kittennoodle · 2018-12-06T10:20:08+00:00

Yes, my husband settled for me. I don't understand "settled". You mean, made a decision based off of other options available? I find it wise for someone to look at all their cards and play their best hand.

Good God. If he went for the best thing available, it would be some 15 year old virgin that was also somehow a porn star that liked someone approaching 40? The vanity, I swear.

neuk_mijn_oogkas · 2018-12-06T01:39:57+00:00

Meh, it's a usual thing with language that there are a lot of terms like this which are really super vague and exist on a continuumand a lot of self-help guides then say "don't settle" like it means anything without coming with an operative definition of 'settling'.

But these self-help guides are purposefully vague because they don't exist to help people but to get adclicks and they get that by getting people to come back reading and to do that you need to tell people what they want to hear and not help them and vagueness happens to be good for both.

blackedoutfast · 2018-12-06T03:19:19+00:00

it doesn't mean you're willing to settle for less than perfection or the #1 best person in the world. most people understand that they won't ever even meet perfection or the #1 potential partner, much less end up married to them.

settling is when you start lowering your own more reasonable hopes and expectations just because you don't want to be alone.

the real problem isn't settling, it's seeing things in a way where settling even makes sense as a strategy. if a woman thinks she wants a guy who is at least 6'2", but then settles for a guy who is only 5'11" because she can't lock down a guy who is taller, the real problem isn't settling, it's that she still sees guys as nothing more than a combination of superficial traits and characteristics. she's not connecting with the man himself

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Here4thebeer3232 · 2018-12-06T03:18:06+00:00

Dating someone you are not attracted to, doesnt excite you, doesnt challenge or interest you really. But it's better than being alone

LeJacquelope · 2018-12-06T04:00:17+00:00

It means accepting someone who doesn't fit the kind of person you feel you're entitled to have in your life.

Texastentialism · 2018-12-06T05:36:32+00:00

Settling is a mindset that idealists talk themselves into.

Mind you, a person need not be optimistic to be an idealist. There are plenty of pessimistic idealists out there, singularly focused on their idea of perfect and frustrated that they can't attain it, to the point of sabotaging their own chance at any kind of happiness.

I've never had an ideal or a picture of perfection in mind so it's hard for me to wrap my head around what people mean when they talk about "settling". Settling seems to imply the existence or perception of an ideal, and I don't live by ideals. I don't believe in letting perfect be the enemy of good. Every choice in life is made at the expense of endless other choices, and there's no way of knowing which would have been the best choice in the end. At a certain point you have to choose something and go all-in, or else make yourself miserable second-guessing every decision.

I guess settling to me just means staying with someone you don't really like or aren't attracted to just to avoid being alone. But even then, if it really is a preferable situation, are they really "settling"? Settling implies that there is something better out there that's attainable but you stuck with the worse option out of inertia. But maybe for some people, a low-attraction, low-passion relationship is the best they can hope for and even if it's not perfect, they find it preferable to being alone.

(I'm really zonked out on cold medicine and this reply probably makes no sense. I'll move it to automod if it's not an appropriate response to the question.)

exit_sandman · 2018-12-06T09:13:54+00:00

"Settling" is when you aren't particularly happy (maybe not even content) with your final outcome, but do in anyway because you're afraid that it'll only get worse if you don't.

exit_sandman · 2018-12-06T09:15:16+00:00

"Settling" is when you aren't particularly happy (maybe not even content) with your final outcome, but do in anyway because you're afraid that it'll only get worse if you don't.

You don't settle for your 4/10 partner if for some occult reason you think that person is the best thing since sliced bread. And with that I mean that you actually sincerely believe that and didn't talk yourself into it.

-radical-dreamer · 2018-12-06T10:18:08+00:00

Settling means being with a person you don't want to give your best to.

Million-Suns · 2018-12-06T18:15:49+00:00

Everytime you kills some of your standards to be with someone, out of fear of ending up alone, you're settling.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2018-12-06T21:21:53+00:00

You wanted someone "better" but you decided not to spend more time looking and stayed with the one that was "good enough"

Aufbruch · 2018-12-07T14:05:30+00:00

It's something frat boy assholes think beta males are doing while they're totally being an alpha and banging all the hot chicks at da'club.

Eventually one's 20s end and this nonsense niche-culture vocabulary ends with it.

KikiYuyu · 2018-12-06T04:45:51+00:00

It's mostly used as a way to justify how "unattractive" men end up with women. That way women can still all be classified as vacuous evil harpy sluts.

Title	Q4All: What does settling even mean?
Author	Scatre
Upvotes	3
Comments	64
Date	December 6, 2018 1:21 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/a3izga/q4all_what_does_settling_even_mean/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4all-what-does-settling-even-mean.258709 https://theredarchive.com/post/258709

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