The difference between not being approached and getting rejected all the time? What do you think?

chromie96 · 2022-02-01T14:59:59+00:00

I think if you don't get approached you can try and rationalize it as people just being too shy or whatever but rejection is in your face. You can't ignore it. You can't rationalize it away. You also put yourself out there and it got rejected. I think that's what's so hard for men with dating, they're expected to approach women but they also get rejected more often then not.

I did alot of the approaching when it came to dating because I found that while some guys were put off by it, the ones that weren't were pretty decent guys. Also because I'm bisexual and women have a hard time approaching anyone so if i was interested in a woman i.had to make the first move. All of that to say that the rejection was hard.

BecretAlbatross · 2022-02-01T15:05:12+00:00

I think it's the difference between feeling invisible and feeling worthless.

Intrepid_Place5390 · 2022-02-01T14:38:46+00:00

?? kind of vague.

I think what you are asking is, does it hurt more,etc approaching and being rejected or waiting to be approached.

It's much more difficult, hurtful to approach and be rejected. There's no doubt in the equation, you were rejected for whatever reason,etc.

If you are not being approached, it's very open to whether someone may have been attracted to you,etc. It's not a rejection. It's a lost opportunity.

Any_Championship_654 · 2022-02-01T16:06:56+00:00

If you're getting rejected all the time you're not getting approached either. The other way around is not necessarily true.

dysonRing · 2022-02-01T15:19:29+00:00

Once you cross the barrier after X approaches and it no longer bothers you, it is infinitely better to approach, you don't want to ever be stuck in a situation where you are pining from someone but never get closure.

chalkandapples · 2022-02-01T20:45:22+00:00

I have 4 states of "liking" someone.

I do not like
I'm open to the idea of them
I know I like them but not enough for me to actively chase
I like them so much that I'll get over my fear of approaching

Not being approached can mean you land in #1, 2 or 3, just not 4. Being actively rejected means you land in #1 for sure. Which sucks more.

Devourer_of_felines · 2022-02-01T21:53:11+00:00

It's like the difference between company headhunters not going out of their way to offer you a job vs going to interviews then being told you're not good enough.

Watch_the_backflip · 2022-02-02T12:15:18+00:00

Rejection always hurts more than invisibility.

With invisibility, there is no direct blow to the ego. With rejection, you know that you were seen... And you were not wanted.

Black_BoomHauer · 2022-02-01T17:58:02+00:00

Never being approached would be the worst case scenario for a woman. Always being rejected would be the worst case scenario for a man. So in a way they are equal.

badsign12 · 2022-02-01T18:50:46+00:00

I believe it's more immediately humbling to be actively rejected. But even if all you can do much about is your reaction to rejection, you have some control over that. A woman who is waiting for an approach she never gets? She can initiate herself, but that's pretty fraught for her.

Sometimes men who have a lot of success approaching women ridicule men who fear approaching. Sometimes women who don't need to approach anyone do, while admitting they would hate approaching. Not much empathy there for sure, and maybe a dose of just being a crappy person.

But for women who seldom get approached, and maybe never get approached by men who seem genuinely interested, that has to be pretty soul scorching too. And people who dismiss those women or their pain also lack empathy and make up for it by being crappy people.

AlphaChino-1989 · 2022-02-02T03:49:32+00:00

I usually tell women here you can compare oranges to apples.

I'll tell you the same to you now. As a dude you can't possibly know how it feels to be in the shoes of a woman because you don't experience the same things women do as a man. You can only especulate if they have it better than you or not, but you won't know for sure.

And let me say I know lots of women, and yeah being a good looking woman must be awesome, even average women seem to live on easy mode (when it comes to dating, of course).

But you know, something that I always thought sucked about taking the passive role in dating that's commonly asocieted with the female role in our society, is that they have to wait to be aproached by men.

Just imagine how it must suck to have a crush on a man and being aproached by all men but the one you like, and be... Just... There! Waiting. And the guy never shows up.

Kinda sucks, because me, being a dude, if I like a girl I just walk to her and take it. That's it. Yeah sometimes I get rejected, but if I succeed I have the woman I WANT to have. I pick. Being a man is just awesome, at least in that sense.

And then you have ugly girls, girls who just like you said never ever EVER get aproached.

And yes, I know that really sucks. It can destroy a woman self steem. I mean, this is how most men live their lives, but is different for us because we rarely see women aproaching men. Women don't aproach men, and if you get aproached then yeah kinda you are some Chad-lite for sure.

But women?

It's not that rare for women to be aproached literally all the time. I would say 7 out of 10 women get aproached weekly, if not on a daily basis, by men on some form like cold aproach, flirting, OLD, via DM or whatever.

But then you have those three girls who see all their friends being aproached and invited to parties, clothes, nice dinners, or even girls who get free tickets to some paradise beach in Asia or Central America just because they are hot...

And it really sucks to be in their position because... What are they going to do? Aproach men? They don't have the balls (no pun intended) to do It and even if they do that's the fastest way to get pumped and dumped. Improve financially? Really? Men literally PAY ugly prostitutes to get their dicks wet, just imagine how humilliating is for a woman to appeal to money to attract men, they must accept first that they are literally the worst of the worst in the dating market.

Look, not saying men have it always easy, we have it hard actually. But we are build for this, we can take it.

Modern women say we have "fragile egos" and I laugh my ass off because because all this is projection, literally if women lived one day as a guy they would shot themselves in the head.

But I get it. We can take it. We can make through this. We are men after all right?

Women do have fragile egos. Most women struggle horribly with self steem issues, with body image and all that, partially because of their very nature, but also because men suggarcoat everything for them.

You know how does a girl feels everytime she takes a picture and see herself fat? That must suck considering all the hot girls there are all over social media. Look around, they even campaign to be accepted. Why do you think is that? I mean, when was the last time a fat dude created a movement of "fat acceptance"?

We don't struggle as much with this shit as women do, and that's a fact.

So IMO, we do have a great privilege, call it advantage or power or whatever, but sometimes we do have the upper hand, and we have the potential to improve in a lot of areas.

Women's attractiveness is lineal. You are hot or not. That's it.

So in some cases, yes, women may had it easier (they still have to be able to actually SEE their advantages, something some of them are not even aware off thanks to their deep self steem issues like I said).

But then, if you are not into the "beauty girls" group, you are in big troubles. And I really tell you, I've met some of these girls, and it REAAAAAALLY sucks to be there. Trust me.

JacobMoogberg69 · 2022-02-01T15:04:05+00:00

If you approach you still have a chance because you show you have balls. If you never get approached, what else is there to do? Even the women who rarely get approached and manage to find someone did so because someone chose them and approached them. When you approach you are the chooser. Period. If Lu feel unworthy of the person you are approaching, then tough shit. You will fail. Inner game is paramount.

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kyjolski · 2022-02-01T15:37:57+00:00

Why not both?

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-02-02T04:00:58+00:00

I agree it’s very different, if you are talking about just (straight) men here. It’s normal for a guy not to get approached by women much if at all, due to gender role difference. It doesn’t mean he is unattractive. But if that guy approaches many women and always gets rejected, that’s going to be more of a sign he’s not considered desirable. However, for a woman not to get approached is a sign she is unattractive since men will always approach attractive women. So that’s going to be hurtful.

Title	The difference between not being approached and getting rejected all the time? What do you think?
Author	No-Border680
Upvotes	5
Comments	26
Date	February 1, 2022 2:30 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/shwaqs/the_difference_between_not_being_approached_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/the-difference-between-not-being-approached-and.1098510 https://theredarchive.com/post/1098510

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