Why do men date when they claim they don’t know what they want?

Mrs_Drgree · 2021-10-13T10:42:38+00:00

Discussion posts must be neutral

StarchRunner · 2021-10-13T08:47:27+00:00

The “so what are you looking for? question get brought up and he doesn’t know what he wants.

Dudes don’t want to be tied down right off the bat, especially to someone he hardly knows. There’s also the fact that a commitment usually is one way street in most cases in the west: men providing.

If they can get the benefits (sex) without the sheer and massive cost (literally his working life and freedom), why would they commit?

Jakes1967 · 2021-10-13T09:13:16+00:00

Noting, that we're talking about men seeking relationships.

Why do men date when they claim they don’t know what they want?

Because they don't know.

Say a man and women meet up from OLD, meeting IRL or whatever the case may be. The “so what are you looking for?” question get brought up and his answer… he doesn’t know what he wants. Is there any chance for a relationship to grow?

Yes, men tolerate a HUGE amount of crap.

If so, what would be the cut off time. 3-4 months? 6 months? A year?

Depending on what you do and show him.

I only ask this cause in the world of dating, this seems to be pretty common from my experiences. While both parties don’t know what they want, women seem to want some type of commitment after a certain amount of time.

He's still with you = commitment

Especially if they’re having sex and enjoying each other on different aspects. So… what does it really mean when a man says “I don’t know what I’m looking for” within the first few dates?

It means that he's extremely pliable and unless you really piss him off, he'll try and make it work.

And what’s the point of people dating when they don’t know what they’re looking for exactly? Is it cause they’re secretly hoping for a LTR or just wanting a casual hookup? Of course it depends on the person they’re dating

For men, it usually means that there's an opening and you're applying to fill that role.

Just like any situation, you're on probation and depending on big a problem you are and how much you bring to the relationship, he'll try to accommodate you and your nuances.

Usually the longer the probation period, the more nuances he has to swallow.

Chaddamhusein · 2021-10-13T08:45:00+00:00

They want pussy and if the woman who is attached to said pussy is pleasant to be around and meets his standards it will turn into a relationship

insertcredit2 · 2021-10-13T08:54:40+00:00

It means it depends on what you're like. If you suck then it's nothing/sex only. If you're a bit boring but pleasant enough to be around then it's a casual relationship that'll last as long as you don't piss him off and if you're great he'll commit.

goneaway2thewind · 2021-10-13T09:10:18+00:00

Guys like women’s company, but if you go into any situation with too many expectations it sets men up for disappointment. Women are just too fickle to reasonably place those. Letting it play it out is often the optimal way to enjoy that time spent together.

RabbitNRaccoon · 2021-10-13T09:47:23+00:00

If they don't know what they want, move on. Full stop.

Alot of men will not admit to only looking for casual sex. But that is exactly what they are doing. If a person wants a relationships, they should say that clearly without it needing to be dragged out.

If they act wishy washy, that's the answer.

Alot of people are having casual sex, casual relationships, situationships. Good for them.

If that's not what you want, drop anyone that doesn't give you a clear answer. Men want to be able to have fun without commitment. But men like that a waste of time to a woman who wants a serious relationship.

Like I keep saying: people tell on themselves.

When someone tells you who they are the first time, believe them. Move on.

Gabrielvrape · 2021-10-13T09:54:20+00:00

The problem with these posts is women's assumptions that men already made up their minds about wanting to be with you after a few dates. I also find it hypocritical when women complain when "things are not moving fast enough" but if a man said she's not putting out quicker then he's the scum of the earth. "I don't know what im looking for" could literally mean just that it's not that deep, it could just be their trying to find out if you are actually worth being with or not.

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JacobMoogberg69 · 2021-10-13T09:17:06+00:00

Men in general do not know what they want so they are not lying. They say they are horny and want to get laid but then talk to the girl who tells them she wants a relationship and they go "yeah me too", because they think they have to lie to a woman to get something out of her. If they truly knew what they wanted they wouldn't talk to her because she is obviously not there for a ONS.

So the more men know what they want, the better off their are. They just want to have a bunch of different eggs in a bunch of different baskets and diversify. But that's not how it works. There is only one of you and you need to focus.

LowValueMail · 2021-10-13T09:22:56+00:00

“I don’t know what I want” is code for “I’m still hoping we can fuck/continue to fuck but I’m not interested in making this too serious/exclusive”.

TheSmallerGambler · 2021-10-13T10:26:02+00:00

He wants sex. He doesn’t want an interview.

harold_shipman_gp · 2021-10-13T10:34:58+00:00

In the past, I've said that I don't know what I'm looking for/just seeing what happens because I didn't want to scare the woman off.

In my experience, women don't like it when you're too committment-minded during the initial dating phase. They want some ambiguity, and want to work for your attention a bit.

Which makes sense - no one wants a desperado after all. So I kept it intentionally vague, even when I really, really liked someone.

ChibsFilipTelfordd · 2021-10-13T08:52:55+00:00

Because not knowing what we want dates to turn out as doesn't mean we don't want to date? Lol

I get it, some men on bumble put "i dont know" because they're too pussy to put "something casual" but i would argue that the majority of men have a similar mindset to me: i date around, meet people i enjoy spending time with, often including sex but not necessarily. If i really like them it turns in to a relationship, if not, sex only. Its a genuine wait and see mindset.

Definitely by multiple months it should be clear if its casual or serious though. If he hasnt DTRed within 6 months he never will. Even so there are plenty of men who are just afraid of commitment and have trust issues. I hope if i find a woman worthy of my time, romantic energy, and attention that I'll be able to commit, but after my last relationship i can't say for sure that I'll be able to. And that's not me being skeevy and actually just wanting sex. I can get casual stuff fine. I want something more.

Also, the problem is how many women are simply not worthy of commitment. Whether its due to their bad looks, being uneducated or poor or bad with money, acting like bitches or being nags or annoying, or simply not putting in enough effort and enthusiasm in and out of the bedroom. Lots of my dating energy is spent trying to suss out which women are to be eliminated. And the answer? A LOT.

I'm sure it's just as bad if not worse for women dating especially relationship minded women who do have to deal with the pussies who put i don't know when they just want to fuck. But I'm just giving you my perspective from my mindset.

Title	Why do men date when they claim they don’t know what they want?
Author	sterlingrose616
Upvotes	0
Comments	28
Date	October 13, 2021 8:40 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/q76vnd/why_do_men_date_when_they_claim_they_dont_know/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-do-men-date-when-they-claim-they-dont-know.1079814 https://theredarchive.com/post/1079814

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