Dating as a Single Christian

Nodeal_reddit · 2020-11-28T16:26:33+00:00

First of all, I wouldn’t stress out about it too much. The women are out there and they are actively looking - even if you aren’t. They’ll probably find you.

I don’t know how old you are, but I see a lot of normal attractive Christian girls who miss out on the college coupling years without finding a husband and are then single for a long time. My wife has several friends in this boat, and I’d happily date any of them if I was single.

Successful, masculine, attractive Christian men are in short supply, so always have an abundance mindset, and remember that your commitment is a valuable commodity. Don’t give it away

Finally, do whatever you WANT to do. If you want to go monk mode to improve, then great. Go balls-out in the gym and in your career. Build up that investment portfolio, make male friends, do cool stuff. However, if you want a girlfriend or just like going on dates, then don’t feel like you shouldn’t because some random strangers on Reddit said not to. But whatever you do, do it in YOUR frame because you want to. Not out of desperation or thinking it’s something you SHOULD do.

PRW63 · 2020-11-28T14:22:37+00:00

Dating is dating.

Christians desire to wait for marriage before sex,...other than that,...there is no difference. Women are still just women. They are still looking for the same thing, just in a different context.

Billy_King · 2020-11-28T14:49:00+00:00

I've found "bring her along to an activity you would have done anyway" comments to be unhelpful. Yes, it is not as formal, but women appreciate clarity, and if you are asking her to "come along" she might not know what your intentions are.

There are so many men who do not want to lead in today's society. So many guys who want to perpetually "hang out" without ever defining the relationship. As men of God, we do not need to worry about whether she likes us. That is not where our validation comes from. Anyways, my point is: if you are asking someone out, use the words "go out" or "date". Be different from the other men. Be confident and don't let the outcome affect you

daved_it · 2020-11-28T16:44:30+00:00

First comment on this subreddit but I find this topic interesting, since a few years ago I was in your category.

Unfortunately, most Christian women fall into two categories:

"Bad" Christian girl, who chases after and sleeps with Chads, before God "tells" her that she's worth so much more and wants her to find a beta bucks
"Good" Christian girl, who goes straight for beta bucks

But there are other categories. My wife decided she was completely dissatisfied with her parents' typical relationship (disaffected beta bucks father and resentful mother). But it was a long journey for her to get to that point.

My best advice would be to get really quickly tuned to recognizing what Christian women are looking for. I spent way too much time trying to prove my competency to women who were looking for the opposite - weak, controllable men that always made them feel good about themselves. Quick filtering will help you. I used to think that Christian women in my Christian college put up with subpar men because they were being "gracious" and "sisterly", but every one of those women married beta bucks. So one filter would be to stop paying attention to any woman who regularly associates with weak men.

McFlygon · 2020-11-28T06:14:31+00:00

I met my wife on Tumblr, but I mainly used that to post my poetry. Ended up adding her on snapchat one day and the rest is history. But definitely don’t seek out a wife specifically, make several female friendships. You will know when you meet the one. Heck, maybe even doing things in groups is good too. Be yourself, be real, and be rooted in God!

Continuous-Metanoia · 2020-11-28T16:36:36+00:00

I think an important question to ask is, “Do I need a wife at this stage in my mission?” If the answer is yes, then take the proper measures/time in prayer, to see that come to fruition. If the answer is no, then continue working on your mission until the point where a wife would be necessary.

This doesn’t mean to close off all women in your life if you answered no to this question. But it should be a rather low priority, because again, you are not at a point in life where having a wife would be beneficial to your mission. It would most likely be distracting from your mission(or far worse: the mission itself...God forbid!)

Just a caveat: regret is worse than rejection. So if you meet a cute girl that you see some potential in, ask her out and see where it goes. You never know what could happen. ~ “The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”

Continuous-Metanoia · 2020-11-28T16:54:27+00:00

wow, this almost slipped my mind...

WHAT ARE YOUR STATS???

Abadalta · 2020-11-28T06:04:47+00:00

Don't date within your church. Don't use dating apps, join some sort of christian group that does things together. Work on being in great shape, and looking good. That's 90% of the battle. At that point, the women will hit on you and you can determine what to do from there. (Also socialize, learn to handle yourself, etc, etc)

By hit on you, I mean they'll be around you all of the time, available, and will initiate all conversations. Trust me, you'll know when she's into you if you've ever experienced women being not into you.

redirectedfs · 2020-11-28T13:06:21+00:00

Your not trying to understand anything. If you were you would’ve read the sidebar and had your answer.

Deep_Strength · 2020-11-28T20:59:10+00:00

I hear some people say that I should have a Monk Mode mentality like in some of the sidebar posts, to chase after my Mission (and not after women) and that I will gain potential options for a LTR/Wife in the process.

This is generally a good choice if you are new to the faith, your career, working out, or other things and need to time establish yourself and get good things going.

Be open to a relationship if it potentially comes up but don't go out of your way as it's usually the case that the women who are interested when you're establishing yourself aren't the ones many men are interested. If you're bottom 20-50% then it's likely only bottom 20-50% women will be interested at most.

But I also see people saying that I should be able to be the confident Alpha and be able to approach women in my life and be able to confront approach anxiety, that I should have the abundance mentality to properly spin plates.

You should be doing this anyway for evangelism and discipleship purposes. Being able to talk with anyone about anything and especially your faith makes things pretty simple with asking out women. It's conquering some of the same fears.

Generally, as you get more established in your mission for God and utilizing the leadership opportunities to you in Church you will naturally start attracting more women around you.

WhereProgressIsMade · 2020-11-30T16:39:43+00:00

IMO, dating should have two main phases.

The first phase, you just ask out almost anyone who shows interest in you or you approach anyone you're interested in. Any relationships are non-exclusive. The only real way to stop being nervous is practice. You're not really looking for someone to marry in this stage (if you do find a candidate, you keep it non-exclusive). The goals in this phase are:

Gain confidence
Figure out your must-haves
Figure out your can't-stands
Calibrate your expectations on what you can attract. If you never get a 2nd date, you're aiming too high.
Learn what works relating to the opposite sex and what doesn't. Get better at it.

It shouldn't take more than 1 date to figure out if they're a Christian. I'd cut them off after that if not. It takes longer to figure out how serious they take their faith though.

Phase 2

Once you've learned the lessons in Phase 1 and dated at least ~10 people, you cut off any relationship as soon as you realize it's not going to lead to marriage.

It can be hard to do it this way. Our biology tends to get us to lock on to one person at a time (crushes) and ignore anyone else. Culture seems to pressure you into being exclusive after a single date and that anyone who dates multiple people at once is a cheater. Too many people just let an exclusive relationship drag on that they're don't think they really want to marry, but maybe or they don't want to be single either and end up wasting too many years. It's especially problematic for women with their peak fertility only lasting until 30. They can easily fill up their 20s only having dated 2 or 3 guys.

Title	Dating as a Single Christian
Author	LilSweetBoi
Upvotes	26
Comments	51
Date	November 28, 2020 5:55 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/k2ien8/dating_as_a_single_christian/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/dating-as-a-single-christian.330292 https://theredarchive.com/post/330292

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