Own Your Stuff

Lightandlush · 2021-05-12T01:10:07+00:00

My OYS 1:

Health- Im still up 10 pounds from having my second daughter 6 months ago. I have just been eating to many high calorie things. I am still confident in my body, but I know I would look more put together if I lose 5-10 lbs. The problem is eating more that exercising. I get regular exercise and chase around my kids all day, but I do eat a lot of carbs and not a lot of protein/ vegetables. I think because I am not technically overweight and I still feel good in my body, I am struggling to really motivate myself to eat right.

Beauty/ hygiene- About 4 months ago, I started wearing daily makeup for the first time in my life! Omg, I love it 😍 My husband tells me all the time how feminine and pretty I look. I still working on getting a routine down for other things I want to ensure I stay on top off- shaving/ getting my eyebrows done/ moisturizing/ face masks/ exfoliating my feet.

Kids/ homemaking- I have a 3yo daughter and 6mo daughter and I am a SAHM. I overall feel I am doing pretty well juggling the needs of the baby, the needs of the toddler, the needs of myself, the needs of my husband, and the demands of the house. But its hard. At the end of the day I usually feel like I can take care of 2 or 3 out of the 4 people in our household adequately and like 2/3 of the house. I get so frustrated when I clean the whole and by the end of the day everything is messy and the kitchen is dirty and the bathroom is messy and I still have more laundry... I need to work on a daily/ weekly schedule of chores.

Relationship- My husband is definitely an acts of service person. He is currently working from home and loves when I bring him food and drinks. Omg he gets so excited when I make him meals he loves from scratch (like intricate pasta dishes with homemade pasta etc). I am struggling with this so much! Because with 2 kids, I feel like I spend ALL DAY feeding them/ cleaning up after them etc, and to then feel like I have to take care of my husbands needs too... feels so hard. I have not been doing a good job with this :/
Also, contrary to ALL the advice I received in my last post (lol), I decided to send my husband a link to married red pill. Remember, we have had extremely open and OVERT conversations about dominance and submission/ him being the head of the household/ me being disrespectful/ him feeling bossed around by me etc etc etc over the last 5 years we have been married. And all the issues went back to me feeling like everything he did in attempting to lead was just for "show" and for me, and he never felt consistent or sincere to me.

Well, he was SO GRATEFUL. I was so nervous and so unsure whether it was the right call. He reassured me, and told me that by directing him to Married Red Pill, he believes that I saved our marriage. He said that he has struggled with dominating me in the past, because he just wanted to make me happy, and didn't understand why it wasn't working. He already knew and believed all the stuff about men and women being different/ men being natural leaders etc, but he did not understand how to put it into practice. He has ordered and started reading all the material that sub recommends. I am relieved for sure, but also so worried. I have gotten so familiar with red pill/ married red pill over the last month, it is going to be hard for my not to analyze everything my husband is doing differently. I have always felt confident in him, but he has never been able to stand up to me/ disagree with me etc due to his desire to make me happy (terrible man, I know 😉) I need to figure out how to completely let go of my conscious and subconscious efforts to control him at this point. It will be very hard...

Social- I have always had a very hard time making and maintaining friendships. I am shy and introverted by nature. I have low self esteem. I fear inconveniencing other people to a fault- I always feel like I am "in the way". I have sought therapy and anti-depressants to manage this, and I am doing better. I have a mom friend that I meet to have play dates with. I invited her and her husband (who I haven't met) and kids over to our house for a meal (they are free in about 2 weeks) I'd like to become a confident and relaxed hostess in general, but I have done very little hosting in the past. I want my house to be a welcoming comfortable place where guests always feel welcome and at home. I have a lot of work here. Hopefully, this dinner will be a small step in the right direction.

Anyways, I wrote a novel here 😅 hope that's okay. I would LOVE to read other people's "OYSs" and get to know this community! Hope there is interest here :)

ezer_kenegdo · 2021-05-12T02:12:40+00:00

OYS:

Health: I am 50 pounds down after having my 7 month old. I have 20 more pounds to go and I've hit a wall I need to conquer. I was always overweight so this is a completely new me.

Beauty: I started wearing my contacts again and got my hair permed. My husband seems to like it and comments regularly .

Kids: I need to get out of the house more. I'm a stay at home wife and mother and with everything going on it's easy to stay in the house. I took my energetic 2 year old to the zoo today, and it was good for both of us to get out.

Home: this is one of my strong suits and I feel good in this area. Trying to learn a few bigger things like plumbing and car stuff so I can lessen my husband's load a little more.

Relationship: it's been rough but our last conversation was really fruitful and he gave me a lot of insight into what I can do to be better. I'm hoping to keep the lines of communication open.

anothergoodbook · 2021-05-12T11:04:01+00:00

Oh goodness this is a long one LOL

OYS: Before I start some context. I’ve been listening to and reading some studies on the book of James which has been very much opening my eyes this last week or two.

Weight/health: I need to lose 50-60 pounds. I’ve been working on IF and keto. I’ve been stalled at 197 for the last year (I’ve lost 30 so far). I’ve been struggling with cravings and an ankle injury that’s keeping me from moving as much as I like. I’ve been just plain hungry and I do great for a few days and then fall off the wagon (with stupid things too nothing even like sugary snacks or anything)

Mental Health: I’ve been taking an antidepressant for about 2 months now. It’s making me see how miserable I must have been to be around! I feel lighter and not nearly as irritable. Some of it is accepting my responsibility in things instead of blaming my husband and kids. I’ve been working on my anxiety with breathing and prayer and meditation. I’m tired most of the time which I was hoping the lexapro would help if the tiredness was depression. My husband pointed out that if he was carrying a 60 lb backpack all day he’d be totally exhausted. So I’m sure getting my weight down will help considerably with that part. I’ve also been doing things to get my mind of off other things and focusing less on my relationship (ya’ll have seen my posts lol). I’ve been working on the garden a lot this week.

Kids: I’m trying to be a more patient mom. My husband also said he feels more like the bad guy and I am the rescuer. He’d like me to be a teammate. I’ve been working hard on enforcing the rules when he isn’t here and taking more of a discipline role when he is - so it isn’t dad being a big meanie that they need to clean their rooms - it’s mom and dad. Many times I check out because I’m tired or overwhelmed.

House: this is the piece that’s so hard for me. I am busy homeschooling and I work a few days a week. Keeping up with the house is a huge struggle especially since it’s something I dislike doing. I’ve been intentional about getting the kitchen cleaned up and having the kids get their chores done.

Relationship: ah the big one... I had a breakthrough. I realized I’ve been holding these grudges and all this resentment and no wonder my husband hasn’t wanted to talk to me. As a Christian I realized I was in massive sin with the way I’ve been acting (see my comment about reading James). I had a real come to Jesus moment. I let my guard down with my husband and poured my heart to him. I told him I was so sorry he hasn’t felt like he had a teammate all these years. I finally realized the parts I had to play in our relationship being so hard. And I apologized profusely especially for putting all the blame on him. We’ve felt closer this week then we have in years. He’s even initiated sex a couple of times. I’ve been working on not just jumping to conclusions and being defensive constantly. I’ve been working on my own attitude towards him and being more submissive and being his teammate/partner.

HappilyMrs · 2021-05-12T09:25:12+00:00

Yaya, so glad to see this!

****OYS 1 Me 37, him 40. Together 21 yrs, married 18. 9 year old son with ASD. SAHW.

RPWi sidebar type things: Have listened to all the Laura Doyle podcast episodes and listen each week. Currently reading Fascinating Womanhood.

Weight: This is my biggest problem area. I have always been very big, even when I was a teen. I have dieted so many ways over the years and yo-yo'd. Last Spring and Summer I did well, then fell off the wagon. I'm now at my 2nd highest ever weight (too ashamed to admit how much). I have good intentions, but I don't follow through with it because I eat emotionally.

Goal: before OYS 2 I'm going to draw up some measurable goals and set up my bullet journal to track it.

Appearance: I've started making more effort with skin care and make up. I'm not sure it's making any difference as I dont have consistency. I either sleep in and miss the morning, or I stay up too late and dont have the motivation at bed time.

Goal: written plan for the week so I know which products when, set my alarm earlier, and set a reminder in my phone for bed time.

Clothing: I've added more dresses and skirts to my wardrobe because he prefers it. But I reach for my leggings and tell myself I need them because I might use the spin bike or garden. And then I dont. Also, it seems that he doesn't really notice what I am wearing, which makes me not bother. It's like if I dont get praise and positive feedback I will just go back to my old comfortable ways.

Goal: dresses or skirts only on his days off and change into leggings if we end up doing an activity that needs them. Swap to a dress or skirt half hour before he returns from work.

Exercise: Shockingly bad here. I am so lazy. There is no good reason that I cant walk/spin/do exercise videos with weights daily. I have the time. I just am lazy and have no energy (because I am fat and do no exercise!).

Goal: 10 minutes a day consistently before OYS 2. Small, but building my commitment is the key.

Home: implemented a morning routine which has helped massively. Now I need to add in a weekly dust/glass/switches clean, and a twice weekly vacuum.

Goal: make a written checklist for the days and week that can be reused.

Parenting: Need a better focus on motivating my son to do homework, which he hates. He needs a lot of time to decompress from school as he's autistic. Finding balance is key for him. Stricter controls on gaming time have been implemented with a lot of pushback. Hopefully this will settle.

Goal: make him a checklist with rewards so he can clearly see what to anticipate.

Social: Distanced coffee with a friend yesterday. I am so out of the hait of face to face conversation. We had a nice time though. I dont have many friends at all, I've always been introverted. However, I could do better in this area.

Goal: Make a coffee date with a different friend

SelfCare: Weak area, I set up aims, but I fall into timewasting rather than achieving the goals. Reading is both self care and huge distraction in my life. I also feel guilty when I try to do self care rather than tackle my big issues, and then I procrastinate.

Goal: 1 thing a day, no matter how little. Consistency is key.

Mental: I have a huge issue with comparing myself to other women and feeling so bad about myself. This is particularly pronounced with my sister. It means I often avoid her. It started in very early childhood and isn't much better now we're older. I also have anxiety issues. I dont cope well with stress. I try to use some of the stoicism stuff to help manage it, and it is a little better now, but there's a way to go.

Sex: This is not as much as I would like, but honestly I dont blame him. I wouldn't have sex with someone like me. I get butthurt over rejection, and I need to stop that. We had a dead bedroom in the past where I was the refuser, and I know how it feels to be the less interested partner. I need to be more resilient and more compassionate.

Goal: Ummm. Dont initiate as often? Initiate better? (I tend to just verbally offer because if I am going to be shot down anyway it saves time). Earlier bedtimes is a big one, I often want to spend the evenings together downstairs and then have sex at night, but that means its often pushing midnight and it's just too late.

Relationship: Generally good. We dont argue, we love each other. I offer lots of physical touch and try to give words of affirmation which are my love languages. His is acts of service and I've tried to ramp that up. However I dont always feel he notices. That makes it sound like he doesn't care, and I dont believe that's true. I think I am just too needy for praise and acknowledgment. Things could be more fun between us, but I feel like we're in a bit of a low-energy rut. Suggestions for goals here would be good.

Work: I am a SAHW. I've thought about getting a job but he is very against it, and I'm not sure how I would balance being around incase I'm needed for my son and also hubby's variable shifts. I do worry that I would maybe be a more interesting wife to him if I had a life outside the home though.

No goal on this one.

emmalai85 · 2021-05-12T13:44:28+00:00

Oys

I had a baby 8 months ago, and I'm down to my normal weight of about 120. I did it wrong I stopped eating like I should due to stress. I need to make sure I don't rebound back the other direction.

My marriage is a mess, I'm working on it. I'm struggling that my husband doesn't like how I communicate because I info dump due to my autism. I wish he'd help me learn to communicate better in a style he prefers, because it's been 15 years and I need his help. He feels like he's trapped and not in control, but he is, I just don't want him to hurt me emotionally. I'm seeing a therapist right now to figure stuff out.

We have 6 kids and we are working together to keep the house maintained while their dad lives in the guest house to get a break. I'm trying to save my marriage, protect myself emotionally and find a middle ground for both of us. I just wish he would put effort in, but I'm trying to be patient and give him space.

I am willing to work on everything to make him happy, I just want him to value me, too. I get overwhelmed and have been so isolated I have no other support structure but him. I'm working on changing that, trying to make more real life friends.

I'm not sure what else to say. I'm in hard-core survival mode.

kneesofthetrees · 2021-05-12T17:13:52+00:00

OYS:

Home: We’re moving (finally!) this weekend after one month of him working at his new job in our new state and seeing each other on the weekends. We are fortunate that it’s not a very long drive. I’ve been working at my full time job here. While he was gone I slacked off hard keeping up the house, and then rushed to put things in order and clean on Saturday mornings before he arrived, or leaving it a mess while I went to see him. This week I’ve decided I need to step it up and get back into good habits, so I’m working on being proactive like I used to be. I won’t be working right away at our new place so I plan to pour my attention into the home, particularly meal planning.

Health: I’ve always stayed active and slim, but I have neglected my upper body the last few months. I much prefer leg powered sports, in part because I simply don’t have the upper body strength needed to excel and arm-powered sports. We’re outdoorsy folks, and we have plans to do a lot of climbing this summer in our new region, so I need to get my strength back.

Also, he’s told me how much he loves a muscular woman, especially back muscles, and I haven’t taken that to heart and worked at developing those muscles for his viewing pleasure as much as I should have.

So, last week I implemented a (minimum) three pull-up a day rule. No excuses because the bar hangs on a doorframe in the house. I’m getting stronger fast. Now I need to spend more dedicated time in the gym on my upper body too. We intend for me to join him at the gym more often once we move. I will follow his lead on the workouts (with a lot less weight lol)

FilmWonderful2468 · 2021-05-12T13:30:04+00:00

Intro: 26F in LTR with 27M, living together 5 years, in a committed relationship 6.5 years. No kids, not yet married. Both work full-time.

Health: Healthy BMI around 21.4, trying to loose 3-4 pounds, but I am not at a unhealthy weight. Just would fit slightly better in my jeans. Tried out « hello fresh » last week and will try to use it more often now. I have a new workout plan of 5x 30min per week (hiit, pilates, yoga, barre). I’ll keep updating if manage to keep up this workout plan.

Beauty: I try to get dressed nicely and wear at least minimal makeup, despite being in home office all day. On the weekend, I enjoy dressing up. Love my new summer wardrobe.

Homemaking: Quite good atm, house is clean, bf needs to help very little. I enjoy decorating a bit more again.

Relationship: Upwards trending. We had plenty of issues 2-3 months ago. Now we are actually doing good, no fighting, both putting in effort. Main issue atm is our ‘dead bedroom’ which is coming from him. I want more intimacy, but my advances are blocked by him. I was hoping once our ‘other’ problems resolve, that the db issue would also disappear, which is not the case for now. We had a talk about it yesterday and he said he will resolve it. I will give him some time to figure it out. He admitted that so far he just ignored the issue.

Social: Hope to ramp up my time with family / friends a bit due to covid restrictions being lifted where I live. I want to work on being more friendly, nurturing and having a positive aura. Basically a feminine radiation.

Title	Own Your Stuff
Author	Lightandlush
Upvotes	24
Comments	28
Date	May 12, 2021 1:07 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/nacs23/own_your_stuff/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/own-your-stuff.755798 https://theredarchive.com/post/755798

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