Hi RPW community!

I am wondering if I should stay in my relationship. I love him, but the unyielding passion I had for him is gone now. He is the first man I have seriously dated, so I’m unsure of whether this is normal. I don’t feel the butterflies anymore.

I’ve subscribed to RPW ideals since I was 21 and I am now 24. I firmly believe my RPW qualities helped me attract a committed & high quality man. We have been dating for 2.5 years and he intends to marry me. He is 26. We have not yet “settled down” because we were in school for the entirety of our relationship. We also have been intermittently long distance because of it. I recently finished graduate school and moved home (about 4000km away) to look for work. Let’s just say it’s taken longer than expected and I haven’t seen my BF in four months. I will be seeing him in a few days though.

We have a traditional relationship and he treats me very well. He is ambitious, a hard worker, and good with money (he is an excellent saver). Although he is two years older than me, he is just now finishing his Bachelors degree. He got an AA degree after high school and only then did he decide to enter a 4-year Bachelors program. He intends to start grad school (a one or two year program) this September. Thus, he will not be making good money until late 2019 or 2020 at least. Currently he works two jobs (25-30 hours a week) in addition to going to school. Most of what he makes, he saves. I really wish he was done with school and starting his career right now. It feels backwards, him still in school for the next year or two, while I’m done.

We won’t be getting married until we both have good jobs in the same city. That won’t be until 2020 at the earliest.

At 24, I’m still relatively young. I am very pretty (mixed race) and have nice hair, take care of my skin, wear complimentary makeup, and dress nicely. My only drawback is that I need to lose weight. About 30 lbs.

He is hot and takes care of himself. Used to box and seriously train, but now he plays soccer and goes to the gym. Not at all overweight. Girls love him. He met me when I was about 30 lbs thinner and hasn’t left me even though I’ve steadily gained weight over the past two years. He has never made one negative remark over my appearance and still finds me sexually attractive. However, he encourages me to work out with him and when I do, he is very supportive throughout it (lots of “Good work, girly! Keep it up!”). I think that is very sweet.

Okay, so now for the not-so-great news...

My hormonal birth control caused me to fall into a deep depression. During this time, my feelings for him, and for everyone and everything, dissipated. I am no longer severely depressed and I switched to non-hormonal kind of birth control last November. Sex also stopped feeling good, which was a shock for me, and some studies have attributed hormonal birth control for that too. As a result, the loving, pleasurable connection we had via sex vanished, as I was just left in pain and feeling worried that this was how it was gonna be for the rest of my life.

Around this time, my feelings for him also began to change. I think it’s because of my depression and I wasn’t feeling that connection that came with sex anymore. I used to be head over heels and I used to need to talk to him every day. Now, that’s no longer the case, even after I recovered from depression. Again, this is my first serious relationship and I might be thinking the grass is greener on the other side. But sometimes, late at night, an overwhelming feeling of dread comes over me and I’m scared I’m settling for the first good guy I meet and that I’m wasting my best years. I lost my virginity to this man. He has that part of me. I’m scared to leave him and I’m not sure if want to.

Other, stupider reasons why I’m doubting him: I value a sense of humour, and while he has one, he is not the funniest guy and doesn’t make laugh, like really laugh with tears in my eyes, very often. Is this a dumb thing to say? Also, since he doesn’t have a full-time, professional job, I don’t see him as a provider as of right now. He is still kind of a boy and not a man, which I don’t like. We also have never lived together, so maybe I’m just tired and bored of the status quo.

So, in gist, I do love him. He often tells me he loves me and I’ve never worried about him cheating on me, despite being long distance about 1.5 years of our entire relationship. But that “spark”, that passion dissolved, and I’m worried I’m settling. I read some girls saying that they’ve been with their man for 5 years and they still feel butterflies. I don’t anymore. I feel guilty, as if I should.

What do you guys think? Please tell me I’m overreacting and being stupid.