Annoying comments from Husband

flower_power_g1rl · 2024-01-16T13:13:01+00:00

he’s a great man. Takes care of me, provides, he also tells me all the time how much he loves me and is still so excited that I’m his wife, and spoils me.

Say these more to him and the jokes will disappear.

anothergoodbook · 2024-01-16T14:19:14+00:00

If you don’t react and you just look like confused - like cock your head to the side and just kind of say “huh?” I guess I don’t get it?” That helps.

It’s somewhat a matter of figuring out what people’s sense of humor is and pushing boundaries. There are things I react to in a way that’s outraged but I’m laughing some, my husband will keep doing that. If I’m like “yeah I don’t get that” he tends to stop lol.

aussiedollface2 · 2024-01-17T01:04:11+00:00

I didn’t understand this joke until I read the comments. Seems kind of trashy to me and I would just ignore it. If he keeps doing it I would say “as your wife I would prefer you didn’t speak like that to me”. Tell him it’s a turn off, and if he’s got any smarts about him he will stop.

Jenneapolis · 2024-01-16T16:45:52+00:00

I personally wouldn’t be upset by this. I’d respond to it with a joke like “maybe if you play your cards right!” or “are you going to take me to dinner first?” or something and make it flirty. It seems like this upsets you because you know it’s a covert way for him to reiterate he wants more blowjobs which you admit to not loving to do so it’s a criticism.

So what is the solution? You can only control your own behavior, not his. Your choices are: respond back to him with humor, respond with clear disapproval (i.e. please don’t say that, it upsets me), just STFU, or play dumb (i.e. what the other poster recommended). What would happen if you actually gave him what he was asking for though, more blowjobs? This is going to give you the best relationship outcome hands down even though you may not want to hear that or others may claim it to be “not fair” and think he should change his behavior.

Scared-Tea-8911 · 2024-01-16T15:46:18+00:00

Comments like this are disrespectful, and please don’t let anyone gaslight you into thinking they are not. Sexual entitlement isn’t cute or funny - it’s crude and unattractive, and can make sex feel transactional/one sided. I think these kinds of jokes can really erode a couples healthy sexual culture, and damage trust/emotional security over time.

Some women are ok with these kinds of “jokes” and let them roll off their back/think they are flattering… and some women are not. You clearly come down on the “not ok with this” side, and that is a fine place to be.

At the end of the day, I think you have told him your perspective and are ready to move on from saying so many “words” about it… I would take a piece of Lauren Doyle advice - just say “ouch” and leave the conversation if he makes a degrading joke at your expense. When you stop reacting, the jokes will stop - it sounds like an attention seeking behavior at this point.

Maybe suggest watching a comedy special or something together - so that you can get your dose of humor in as a couple, and neither of you feel like jokes are made at your expense. He may also need more time with guy friends to blow off steam… he could be making “dude jokes” with you his wife, because he has no dudes to make crude sex jokes with other than you!

Edit: he also may have seen some of the “RP” videos online of men being crude with their wives and their wives obeying what they say etc… if he is in that online “manosphere”, I would just be clear with him that whatever he sees online is likely staged/ragebait, and is not a reasonable model for how real husbands/wives interact. I would also tell him how YOU prefer to be propositioned for a bj - let him know you are happy to give; but want to be asked in a way that feels loving and respectful, not entitled and immature.

Best of luck! 💕

VasiliyZaitzev · 2024-01-17T02:08:01+00:00

Comments like “make sure to keep using your chapstick” when you mentioned that you’re currently on your cycle.

Wow. I am the reddest of Red Pillers and even I think that's cringe - and bear in mind in most cases I think using the word "cringe" is cringe.

Is he normally completely tone deaf? I saw somewhere online this year that a man with an IQ of 130 has the EQ of a woman with an IQ of 70. If so, then when it comes to EQ, most of us are functionally retarded. Some guys are blockheads and some guys are just mean.

You can (a) show more appreciation and see if that works, (b) say smth like "Nah, I don't think I'm going to need it this week," or (c) get his undivided attention and say "This is hurtful to me. Please do not do it."

And if he says "Oh, I was just joking" or whatever, that is an attempt to minimize his own bad behavior and get out of accountability for it. Starting at about age 14 or 15 I would have to give my dad multiple Code Reds over things that were blindingly obvious to me.

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IWTTYAS · 2024-01-16T13:37:29+00:00

He's making jokes when you're upset and you're attacking him...

Yeah you said "no woman does" OK.. you make that statement but came here because you wanted someone to say "all men do"

He doesn't know what you want. He's a grow'd up but he is deep down who you are too - just someone who is winging it. He needs to know what's going on.

I don't know what the chapstick thing is about but apparently at some point you said something about ragging and chapstick. You apparently have a chapstick thing. How do I know? My DH would never make a joke about chapstick because I don't use it. He makes stupid comments about how clean the kitchen is (I swear I'm going to go on strike one month and then let him make a joke. Wont happen. He'd starve)

He isn't making this up to piss you off. He's trying to figure out the information you've given him and doesn't have the information you haven't given him.

YES - all men are children - they want approval and acknowledgement and when they don't now how to fix something they default to try to make you laugh.

He's going to say stupid shit. Just get a nerf dart gun and pop one in his general direction when he acts like a toddler. It won't fix the issue but you'll end up in a secret war to buy a better nerf gun..... and it won't matter.

Being mad because he said something about chapstick isn't an issue. Getting herpes because he let another girl use your chapstick? that's an issue.

Substantial-Elk5388 · 2024-01-17T00:34:36+00:00

I think he’s saying he wants sexual favors while you’re on your period and doesn’t know how to approach it with you, or he’s scared of being shot down so he makes silly jokes about it

Hang_your_halo · 2024-01-19T16:43:49+00:00

[permanently deleted]

AutoModerator · 2024-01-16T12:47:56+00:00

Title: Annoying comments from Husband

Author Hang_your_halo

Full text: Has anyone else seen a reduction in disrespect comments claimed as jokes by becoming more RP? Comments like “make sure to keep using your chapstick” when you mentioned that you’re currently on your cycle.

I’ve told him before that it annoys me, is a turn off, makes me feel like I’m married to a 15 year old. And last night I said it was disrespectful when he ask if I thought it was funny, because no, I don’t. No woman does.

He always says “all guys are like this” and “I know, I’m a child”. Obviously my previous attempts to stop this were not the best or they would have worked. I don’t know how to handle this anymore.

(I do want to note that other than these stupid “jokes” he’s a great man. Takes care of me, provides, he also tells me all the time how much he loves me and is still so excited that I’m his wife, and spoils me.)

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Title	Annoying comments from Husband
Author	Hang_your_halo
Upvotes	13
Comments	44
Date	January 16, 2024 12:47 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/19824tb/annoying_comments_from_husband/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/annoying-comments-from-husband.1243112 https://theredarchive.com/post/1243112