My husband [30m] and I [24f] share a pretty traditional marriage. He works and I am a housewife. I have a question about how to ask for his assistance around the house.
I usually ask by saying, "could you please...", "would you mind...", "when you're free, I you could..." to try and be respectful. He absolutely hates it! He says the phrases sound patronizing. Of course he "can" do it. When I phrase it the way he wants me to, as "go do this", he gets even more frustrated because it sounds like I'm nagging.
I should note that the tone of voice I use is not patronizing, he just takes issue with the choice of words. How do I be respectful of him while asking for help?
Edit: I just want to thank everyone that commented. All of your replies have given me a lot to think about. There are some particular points that I'm taking a go at- replacing the word "could" with "will", checking my tone of voice when I speak, letting him know if I need help with as much prior notice as possible, getting rid of "please" in my phrasing, asking bluntly for help when I need it, being flirty when I ask, and above all, not bothering him in his down time if at all possible. Phew, that's a long list! I think I can use the tips in other ways too; it's a good basis on upgrading my communication skills.
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