Fiancé doesn’t mention me in future plans

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2024-04-18T13:10:27+00:00

he doesn’t really spoil me. He pays for dates and gets me flowers sometimes and gets me food here and there and some gifts here and there but I pay all my bills

What do you consider “spoiling”?? It sounds like he spoils you. Why are you acting like this is nothing??

valleybrook1843 · 2024-04-18T12:28:51+00:00

I see that as good evidence he’ll be a good father and provider. He’s already taking ownership of his family and children he doesn’t have. I hear you are concerned that he doesn’t spoil you like you want to be. Have you told him about your desires “I would love XYZ”. Is he in “saving mode” for the wedding and future children? Do you make a big deal of it when he gets you flowers, etc.?

StVirgin · 2024-04-18T11:21:05+00:00

I talk like that too. I think it's a combination of growing up as an only child and spending significant time by myself in everyday life. Some people just talk like this!

youllknowwhenitstime · 2024-04-18T14:29:11+00:00

OK, I'll bite. What behavior would be "spoiling" according to you?

As others are saying, his grammar when talking about plans for the future with you, his FIANCE, is a nothingburger. You've said it's not some unconscious tell or Freudian slip. Choose not to take offense or become sad at benign phrasing. I'm fairly certain (I don't pay close attention?) my husband will say both "my baby" and "our baby" when talking about the literal present baby that came out of my body. He's just proud of her so he'll sometimes refer to his specific ownership/responsibility by saying "my." Nothing deeper.

indigo_pirate · 2024-04-18T15:07:14+00:00

Why would he pay your bills if he doesn’t live with you?

bekkys · 2024-04-18T11:13:09+00:00

Maybe it’s just the way he talks? I’d bring it up again and make clear how it makes you feel. See if he improves, if not you’ll know for sure he does it on purpose.

iminterestedinthis · 2024-04-18T16:18:47+00:00

I think maybe this is a symptom of a larger problem, do you feel insecure about your importance to him and unconsidered in general in your relationship with him?

If not, then I do think you’re overreacting a bit, he clearly just wants to be a great father and provider and his engagement to you should show his commitment to you.

countrylemon · 2024-04-18T12:55:17+00:00

Sounds like you’re over reacting and it also sounds like you’re ungrateful.

vegancigarette · 2024-04-18T13:50:45+00:00

If you want to be a stay at home wife/mom after marriage make sure you communicate that clearly rather than just continuing to work and building resentment towards him. You might be overthinking about his phrasing, especially since his actions aren’t indicating anything bad.

TheBunk_TB · 2024-04-18T15:18:53+00:00

TBH, he isnt the one throwing the red flags. He is taking it seriously.

AutoModerator · 2024-04-18T10:13:54+00:00

Thank you for posting to RPW. Here are a couple reminders:

If you are seeking relationship advice. Make sure you are answering the guidelines for asking for advice on the rules page
Do not delete your post once you have your answers. Others may have the same question!
You must participate in your own post. If you put up a post and disappear, it will be removed.
We are not here for non-participants to study us. If you are writing a paper or just curious, read our sidebar and wiki and old posts.
Men are not allowed to ask questions and generally discouraged from participating unless they are older, partnered and have Red Pill experience.
Within the last year, RedPillWomen has had over half a dozen 'Banned from 'x' subreddit' post for commenting/subscribing to RPW. Moving forwards, the mods will remove these types of posts: 1, 2, 3, 4. We recommend you make a RPW specific account.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2024-04-18T10:13:53+00:00

Title: Fiancé doesn’t mention me in future plans

Author yktvvvvvvvvvv

Full text: I’ve been with my partner for 3 years. We have been engaged for a few months now.

Every time he mentions kids, he always says ‘my kids’. If he’s talking about the future he uses ‘I’, never ‘we’.

It’s weird because we’re engaged, actively planning our wedding and integrating families, and still he’ll randomly send me a video of a family and say ‘I can’t wait for my kids to do this…’ etc

I mentioned to him once before a long time ago that I don’t feel like I’m in these plans when he talks about the future and he just reassured me that ofc I am and corrected himself the first few times after the conversation but then reverted back and has been that way since.

The reason why the recent one upset me is because he said ‘I can’t wait to spoil my kids and pay for everything’ but I feel like as his soon to be wife and hopefully the mother of the so called kids, he should have me in mind too. I feel like why doesn’t he fantasise about spoiling me??

He doesn’t really spoil me. He pays for dates and gets me flowers sometimes and gets me food here and there and some gifts here and there but I pay all my bills (we don’t live together).

Am I over reacting? I’ve read the empowered wife and I don’t want to nag. Maybe I’ll just say ouch next time.

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Puzzleheaded_Web1388 · 2024-04-18T10:51:09+00:00

When someone shows you who they are believe them. He's not gonna change once you get married.

Title	Fiancé doesn’t mention me in future plans
Author	yktvvvvvvvvvv
Upvotes	8
Comments	28
Date	April 18, 2024 10:13 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1c6zq6j/fiancé_doesnt_mention_me_in_future_plans/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/fiance-doesnt-mention-me-in-future-plans.1515558 https://theredarchive.com/post/1515558

Comments