First Mate - Morale Officer Question

LateralThinker13 · 2023-07-11T13:41:25+00:00

I know some of it stems from my self confidence, or lack there of. I’m working on that. I’ve started eating better and working out.

This helps with a lot of it. But I find two things can help.

1 - Say half an hour before the husband comes home, just stop. Put on some music that helps you relax and smile, and either meditate or just dance/chill. PUT yourself into a better frame of mind. Recharge your spirit. Maybe this is a walk barefoot in the grass instead. Maybe it's a chapter of your favorite book. But do it.

2 - Most people suck at time management. Which causes stress. An easy way to fix this is to throw money at problems. Find things that take you time and outsource them.

Do you mow the lawn? Pay a neighborhood kid to do it. Don't like to sweep? Get a roomba. Dishes piling up? Mandate a week of paper plates, and just gradually work through the dishes until the sink is empty. Paper plates/plastic forks allow you to get ahead of the dishes.

3 - You work full time too? That's part of the problem, especially if you don't like your job. Do you have to work? Do you have to work THAT job? Find something that doesn't stress you out. YOLO.

Ok-Coat7665 · 2023-07-11T13:41:32+00:00

How long do you have the house to yourself before he gets home each day? You could use that alone time to “reset” before he arrives.

Play your favorite music, meditate, have a cup of tea, take a shower, put on cute, comfy house clothes— do something to refresh and relax yourself. That way you’ll be in a better mood to welcome him home.

ivysaurah · 2023-07-11T15:35:24+00:00

You’re a dual income household. If you do not already have a housekeeper to come for biweekly/monthly deep cleans, I recommend you do so. You cannot be expected to keep a house working full-time and you should not feel like a failure for struggling to do so. Once you have a housekeeping service to do the heavy lifting in the house (like deep cleaning bathrooms, floors, baseboards, dusting, ceilings/fans, etc), develop a schedule for the rest. IE: every other day rotation between the two of you for daily tasks like dishes, random tidying, laundry loads, stuff like this. I am unsure of who prepares dinner, but using days off a few times a month to do freezer meal prep may be very helpful to take the load off on days that feel overwhelming. Lasagnas, soups, other casseroles. All store very easily in the freezer and can just be thrown in the oven/onto the stovetop for easy dinner.

Having a sense of control in your space will help your mood a lot. I have a relatively light workload in my husband and I’s business nowadays (though I used to work full time outside of the home so I can empathize), and I still have a weekly schedule just for myself to give myself a sense of control here in household chores.

Sounds cheesy, but before you get out of your car at the end of the day, turn the radio off, take a few deep double breaths (like inhale and fill your lungs, and then inhale again until you can’t hold anymore, before slowly exhaling. it’s proven to reduce stress responses), and think about what you’re thankful for. What do you love about your job? Yourself? Your husband? Are you two healthy? Etc. It helps a great deal in shifting to a better mindset at home. Exercising at home is also a great mood booster.

I also had to learn that sometimes you are better off keeping things to yourself. No one, man or woman, should be CONSTANTLY sharing every negative emotion they have. It isn’t fair to the listening party. Save venting for when you truly need it. This habit will get easier will time.

binne21 · 2023-07-11T13:32:56+00:00

You can't really do anything if you're very exhausted. Your husband can't do the dishes if he's tired and probably neither can you.

Talk with your husband about both your working hours. Maybe you could decrease your hours, find a new part time job or work from home? You can't really play the role of a housewife if you don't spend any time in your house. It's just unrealistic.

anothergoodbook · 2023-07-11T13:39:44+00:00

Is there money to possibly hire someone the manage some of the cleaning?

Perhaps find some ways to deal with the stress in a constructive way? Listening to music you live on your way home from work, lighting a candle or having some sort of routine and process for when you get home that might help you get out of your funk.

Long term is there something you need to change about your schedule?

My default tends to be more negative and the less self care I have the more negative I become unfortunately. I have to be really on top of how I am spending my time in regards to that. Where my boundaries slip and I don’t make sure I am getting enough sleep and alone time and time for hobbies is when I get really complainy and miserable. And then I am miserable to be around.

womanoftheapocalypse · 2023-07-11T14:38:23+00:00

Are you happy? Are you having fun with your life? You said you like your job and you like your lifestyle but you sound miserable. Have you considered therapy?

Redlimetree · 2023-07-12T03:57:32+00:00

Time and stress management.

I'd recommend sitting down and working out your priorities. Being relaxed when your partner comes home sounds like one of your priorities so write it down. Dual incomes are too, OK you'll have to work around the negatives to it.

Work out which other activities take up your time and add to your stress levels. There is likely things you can just cut out from your life. Can you get creative and find other ways to acheive the same goals? Can your partner become responsible for some of the things you currently do? Can you throw money at some of your problems?

Do something similar at work. Are you stressing and/or wasting time on stuff that provides little results? And you stressing about stuff outside your job role without being compensated for it? Cut it out, focus on the stuff that provides results. Invest energy into finding ways to get similar results with less effort. You'll be a better employee because of it. And work should be finacially compensating you for any stress load that is part of your job role that you can't avoid. If they aren't go find a similar paying job with less stress.

You find saying no hard? Put YOURSELF as one of your priorities. Being constantly stressed is very bad for you! It's having a negative impact on the most important relationship you have for yourself. It is terrible for your health. It increases your risk of cancer! It stuffs up your natural hormones, particularly progesterone as this hormone is converted to Cortisol. Thus long term stress can cause fertility issues.

Is doing something for some acquaintance/colleague/minor friend worth more then your health and happiness? NO!

Consider doing something about your after work gym session. If you are in a high stress state a gym workout will in most instances have less health benefits (mainly the benefits that come with weight lifting) and may further increase your cortisol. There is exercise based methods to reduce cortisol, they revolve around a short burst of very high intensity cardio that you can acheive outside the gym in a short time frame. But you'll be best off managing your sources of chronic stress first and use this method for the occasional stress trigger. A gentle walk has amazing benefits and can be combined with early morning sunshine exposure to have even more health benefits and help with your sleep.

Oh yeah make sure you have a good regular sleep schedule. The huberman podcast has great sound scientific health advice.

Create a support network for your needs. Have a collection of people you can vent to for mundane stuff, not just your husband. Providing this emotional support is a skill in itself and to come people can be draining to provide. Venting often is just us trying to feel like our feelings are validated. Therapy is good for this plus the confidentiality ensures your vents don't bite you in the bum. Have OTHER people who you can go to for honest advice when you are in the right mindset to receive advice, your husband may be a good person for this. Pick these people based on their life experience and problem solving abilities.

TheBunk_TB · 2023-07-11T15:10:01+00:00

Kiss him when he walks in the door, say nothing for 15 minutes

AutoModerator · 2023-07-11T13:16:14+00:00

Title: First Mate - Morale Officer Question

Full text: How can I be a better morale officer when I’m so stressed and exhausted all the time.

My husband has said that sometimes he comes home from work (I work full time too but get home before him) and I’m in such a bad mood that he thinks he may as well go back to work. This hurt my feelings as I don’t want to be like this.

I am battling having learned this negativity from my own childhood experience and mother. I just get so overwhelmed and overstimulated and by the end of the day, I’m just done and grumpy is my default. It’s always my default. I don’t have energy to clean up, which makes me feel even more like a failure and overwhelmed. Then him making comments about my mood compounds everything and makes things worse.

I know some of it stems from my self confidence, or lack there of. I’m working on that. I’ve started eating better and working out.

I want to be a good first mate. I feel like I’m failing this. Someone please help me!

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InevitableKiwi5776 · 2023-07-11T14:00:11+00:00

Think about why exactly you are in a bad mood by the end of the day. Is it because of your job? Your commute? Because of the news or looking at social media? Are you getting enough rest, healthy food and exercise? Low blood sugar? Think about what you can do to address the root of your bad mood.

Make a list of things you can do between when you get home and when your husband gets home that will help you de stress and improve your mood. Taking a shower? Doing some stretches? Taking a nap? Eating a snack?

I absolutely agree with the other recommendations about meditating. If you’re not familiar or want some guidance there’s tons of guided meditations on YouTube. Search for “relaxation meditation” or “body scan meditation”, those can be very helpful.

TraditionalKajira · 2023-07-11T14:34:46+00:00

I really feel this. Wanting and trying to be a good first mate isn’t always enough if you just don’t have the time and energy because of work (or school in my case). Be kind to yourself, keep trying, there is some good advice posted here already. I’m just giving myself grace on this until my man is into his residency and I’m graduated.

flower_power_g1rl · 2023-07-11T16:06:26+00:00

Hey, I'm not sure if this is possible, but ... Is it possible you can change your job? It just sounds like the job is not a right fit for you honey and it's no wonder you are feeling so bad after work. But you really deserve a better job

Margareydragonslayer · 2023-07-12T07:43:38+00:00

It sounds like you’re just going through a hard period in your life overall. Also, I know we want to always be in a good mood for the people we love but being told that we’re not achieving that is a really sucky thing to hear! Ouch, I wish your husband hadn’t told you that.

Between work, your intense exercise routine, house cleaning, and a bit of a negativity rut in your relationship… do you have anything that feels fun and light in your life? Something really small that connects you to yourself? Maybe once a week volunteering or a podcast with episodes you really look forward to or a hobby that you used to do as a teenager? It’s easier to take the first step out of that negativity rut when you have just a tiny thing that brings you joy every now and then in your life.

2000sgirl91 · 2023-07-11T14:11:25+00:00

I try to workout when I get home. It’s the only time I really have to do it. Not exactly relaxing, but good for me.

I feel like if I could get some sort of routine going, it could be manageable. I just can’t seem to stick with anything. Im quite frustrated with myself.

I love my job, and the company I work for. There are so many perks to it. And I’ve mentioned being stay at home, but he wants me to work. We’ve grown accustomed to the lifestyle we’ve been able to afford and are both fighting to not be like our families that have put themselves in poor financial situations, so the dual income is rather important to us.

Title	First Mate - Morale Officer Question
Author	2000sgirl91
Upvotes	11
Comments	35
Date	July 11, 2023 1:16 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/14wr4nh/first_mate_morale_officer_question/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/first-mate-morale-officer-question.1224874 https://theredarchive.com/post/1224874

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