Help With Feeling Ugly

YYCchatterbox · 2020-05-06T17:33:02+00:00

Social media puts forward a new kind of woman these days, it's a version of the ultra rich Kardashians or the ultra sexy instagram model with the expensive hair extensions, lip injections, smooth foundation, tiny waist, long eyelashes, expensive clothes, 10k veneers.... and so on. With the evolution of the instagram model and editing apps and lighting systems has arrived a really warped view of what beauty really is.

Let me tell you, I used to belong to that world... not the model world... but the photographer world, and I KNOW the post processing that goes into these flawless photos and I STILL get insecure when i look at my own flaws in the mirror, especially regarding my hips and nose and tiny lips. In person most of those models did not express the same confidence or have the same skin smoothness, symmetry, or were skilled at minimizing their flaws in shoots. Sure.. Men still find me attractive, but the issue was that I don't find me attractive... and ultimately it doesn't matter much how much attention i ever get from a man I still think they must just be faking it to get something from me, because...well... I'm so ugly and I can see all my flaws so prominently in the mirror to a degree that I look like an old witch.

This is called body dysmorphia.

It's not on an intense scale like some people have to experience where it results in eating disorders or a full blown self hatred of yourself... but it's on a more subtle level. Imagine that with every beautiful facetuned image of a woman you see that makes you feel insecure-- you get poked with a small sewing needle.

It wouldn't take long to draw blood and create a wound that needs healing. Imagine that happening every day, eventually you would ask yourself "why do I put myself in harms way? Why do I insist on looking at these photos and assessing them as if they are the truest reflection of reality?"

Ask yourself, why does it even MATTER to be the most beautiful in the room? Why would my life be better just because my nose was a bit smaller or my boobs were a bit bigger? How would i feel if my boyfriend was so upset with his physical appearance that he allowed someone to pump filler into his laugh lines? Would I want to tell him how much I loved those imperfections? Most likely you wouldn't want him to change anything and you would appreciate him as his authentic self.

I sympathize, I really really do. This world makes it hard to see yourself as perfectly acceptable the way you are, there is nothing the matter with improvement, and looking after yourself... but the real attractive qualities will come through based on how you change your pathways of thought, and not how you change your face.

TranslatedSky · 2020-05-06T18:10:36+00:00

Hey, you’re not alone! As I discovered RP and started working on myself I began seeing a lot of flaws too. It helps me to put more effort into inner self care rather than just outer. Positive affirmations, meditating and the like. But just know you’re not alone and take pride in your self improvement attitude. A RP woman doesn’t mean a perfect woman. And perfection can’t be attained anyway, because If you’re constantly improving yourself, you’ll always find things to do better at. Doesn’t mean the current you isn’t fine as you are, it just means you want to be better.

tofurainbowgarden · 2020-05-06T16:49:08+00:00

I definitely think you are right, plastic surgery is not a great idea. I think you should work on loving yourself. I had/have lot of self esteem issues. I wrote a letter to myself, reminding myself of my value and accomplishments and included a childhood picture of mine. At the end of the letter it says "would you be saying those things to her?". I read the letter whenever I start to self deprecate. Through repetition, and over time those feelings have lessened. Through that, I am not as critical of my appearance. Sorry if this isn't helpful, it's a hard thing to tackle

alien_eater289 · 2020-05-06T18:13:47+00:00

I’ve talked about this on this sub before, but it bears repeating. I used to be aggressively critical of my looks and extremely insecure. Think regular crying, covering mirrors and sometimes refusing to leave the house because I felt too ugly. Those feelings started when I was 13 and continued until I was in my early/mid twenties.

I don’t know what it was exactly, but suddenly one day I was in my mid20s with a graduate degree, a full time, well-paying job, a healthy long term relationship, lots of friends, and a home to take care of, and I just....stopped caring. Okay I guess “stopped caring” isn’t the right phrase, I definitely still care and every now and then (usually around the time of my cycle, thanks hormones) I start beating myself up again, although to a far lesser degree than before. But it just suddenly clicked for me that I had way more to offer than just good looks. Im insecure about my chin and lips too but at the end of the day, beauty really isn’t everything and we’re all going to hit “the wall” one day anyway (even though I hate that term and it causes so much undue anxiety for women).

So I guess my advice is to focus on things that make you feel good, things that make you a better person, and focus on poise and grace and sophistication. That helps me feel sexy and it really has nothing to do with physical beauty. And just remember that even though it doesn’t feel like it sometimes - I know I never used to believe this - beauty is not everything. There is so much more to life and attraction than that.

Good luck.

saltlamp67 · 2020-05-06T16:59:45+00:00

Hey girl, sounds like you’re kind of reinventing yourself with being more feminine, which is great! But, that can also make you super self conscious. It sounds like you might be being too hard on yourself. Are you trying to be too “perfectly” feminine? Femininity doesn’t mean perfection. Work with what you have! If your man is handsome and compliments you all the time, odds are you’re stunning. Learn some makeup tricks, get to know your new long hair, and rock some pretty, flattering clothes. Remember confidence is sexy!

tianara101 · 2020-05-06T19:02:13+00:00

What helped me with this is deleting Instagram, many photos are photoshopped and women know certain angles/lighting and have probably taken many many pictures in order to get one that looks that good (or/and hired a professional photographer). Also, most of these “influencers” and models seem to rely heavily on their looks to get by and might be more insecure about their looks than you. Most people are too busy worrying about their own looks, to have time to judge/care about how you look.

Men (at least men that you want to date) LOVE women who are confident, secure, and love themselves for who they are and who like their own looks. They would rather date this type of woman long term than some insecure 10/10 young hottie.

As for me, I don’t compare myself with other women, but if another woman has/does something I like, I admire her for it and if possible, try it out myself.

Also, being in feminine energy makes me feel attractive personally and happier about myself and with life. Such as cooking, baking, swimming, showering, taking a bubble bath, playing/taking care of kids/babies, wearing makeup, wearing dresses, shaving, face masks, etc.

TLDR: Don’t try to be someone else, try to be the best version of yourself, whatever it may be.

Edit: When your boyfriend tells you that he thinks you are sexy/cute/hot believe him! Say thank you and giggle and compliment him back. Feminine energy is all about receiving.

If it helps, you can always wear makeup. The purpose of makeup though should be to highlight/ embrace your features rather than trying to hide them.

okquestionthen · 2020-05-06T18:25:00+00:00

It’s all a state of mind, don’t look at other women and compare yourself, they don’t matter. Just keep doing self love and trying to make yourself feel better. Listen to your BF he isn’t lying. Try not to talk to yourself negatively. If you wouldn’t say it to your sister, mother, Your kid or a friend, why say it to yourself? I’m sure you’re not ugly at all:) treat yourself how you would treat someone you love/care about.

It isn’t easy, I’m almost 30 and only now thinking I’m not ugly.

tequilathehun · 2020-05-06T17:19:19+00:00

Hun I feel you!!! I shaved my head a few years back and its FINALLY at the point where I'm not so self conscious about it. I just got Invisalign at 20 for my teeth which were very misaligned, so I totally get just how frustrating feeling unbeautiful can be.

I'd say definitely dedicate yourself to a routine. Some sort of exercise every day, preferably when you first wake up so it becomes second nature. Skincare makes SUCH a difference, as well as conditioning and regular haircuts. Showering, and putting in conscious thought to your outfits. Sometimes just going that extra step and wearing a bit of eyeliner or heels where you normally wouldnt reminds you jist how beautiful and foxy you are and can be!

If you're having a rough day, try to spend time with people, pets, or nature instead of a mirror. Sometimes its hard to get out of your own head about how you look, and if you're in a rough mindset it can be hard to see yourself as a whole, and start picking out insecurities.

These are what help me, hopefully you can find some techniques that help remind you how gorgeous you are!

elmartinas · 2020-05-06T18:38:52+00:00

The best way to start improving beauty is to focus on a health focused glow-up. A lot of us on this sub recommend Mrs Midwest's YouTube channel. (She's definitely a RPW icon). Cynthia L, is also excellent. They both have multiple videos on nurturing and enhancing feminine beauty. I have incorporated many of their tips into my routine and found great success. :)

Best of luck on your journey and don't forget to be kind to yourself :)

36trombones · 2020-05-06T19:35:54+00:00

You know what's messed up? I was going to write a smug comment here about how you shouldn't care so much about your looks and how, as you get older, you stop caring as much.

Then I realized that even as I've stopped obsessing over my lips, chin, etc, I still fret about how my home and my kids look. It's not easy to stop nitpicking ourselves.

I mean, of course we need to take care of our appearance. But it's good to at least try to go deeper.

JadedByEntropy · 2020-05-06T20:18:11+00:00

Thing that helped me the most: You dont have to be Your type. You dont have to think you're the most perfect face or body you can imagine on your self. You dont even have to like you.

You aren't responsible for what others think either, but the one who IS attracted to you will think your great as is. Whats important is you make effort to be approachable and hygienic and do some maintenance like everybody else.

pixiemaybe · 2020-05-07T04:23:51+00:00

probably not the most popular opinion, but i find "editing" myself with make up on my insecure days really helpful. make up can be so thoroughly customized to make the best of what we have. this tutorial is lip specific but it talks about some other aspects. there are a billion tutorials on how to contour to change certain features.

weirdly enough, i tend to find that doing this for a while can often make me more appreciative of my features. i go through cycles of specifically hating the little bump in the bridge of my nose, my upper lip, and chin. a little bit of contour and i'm like ooooo. then a few days later, i find myself missing MY face. i want to look like me! it's something to try.

(p.s. i have a million more detailed tips if this appeals to you. i know it's not for everyone!)

Shiningsilvergold · 2020-05-06T19:18:03+00:00

The other ladies gave you wonderful advice, all I have to share is a practical tip from ED recovery.

Take down every mirror in your home apart from a small one over the bathroom sink. You only look in this to check there‘s no stray toothpaste and to apply your makeup. Don’t hang about staring in it.

All the others need to come down. Maybe for a long time. I still have no full length mirror in my home.

Until you can look into the mirror and see what is beautiful about you - whilst all you see is your real and imaginary faults - it’s not your friend and it doesn’t need to live with you. You wouldn’t keep a massive list of your faults and failings (real and imaginary) up on the wall and stare at it for twenty minutes every morning before going out to face the world, would you? It would do your head in.

So, get the mirror put away. Give yourself a break. In time maybe it can come back. But not now. Now it’s not helping.

Title	Help With Feeling Ugly
Author	Shiningsilvergold
Upvotes	52
Comments	16
Date	May 6, 2020 4:00 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/gemqg6/help_with_feeling_ugly/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/help-with-feeling-ugly.660043 https://theredarchive.com/post/660043

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