How do I become more submissive?

I am by no means a feminist. But I am, by nature, pretty independent and dominant. Some men like this but those types of men tend to have apposing beliefs.

I’m an odd breed, I guess. I’m young and still exploring my career choices. My passion is writing. I want to be a big author one day. I’ve thought about pursuing a career in the psychology field or detective work, as well. I just think I’m too smart to have my mind go to waste. I always dreamed of being remembered for being intelligent.

with that being said, I wish I wasn’t like that. At heart, I’m pretty old-school. I believe the perfect family is one where the father goes to work and the mother stays at home, watching over the house and kids. I believe the chances of children maturing successfully are much higher when they grow up in a household like this.

I had sort of an epiphany today. My boyfriend has actually complained to me about how I’m not submissive enough and how I “wear the pants”. I just always took that as a jab. Got upset over it but continued on being set in my ways. But today, I realized. No, he’s right! He’s entirely right, I have to choose if I want to be a loving housewife in my future or if I want to be a career driven woman who will end up rich and alone. Probably develop more of a cold heart than I already have.

Yeah, I’d rather choose the housewife option.

I blame this on my upbringing. I grew up with my single mom who remained single my whole life. She’s been married (now widowed), but it wasn’t a loving marriage. They never slept in the same bed and he was an alcoholic who strayed often but she didn’t mind because they weren’t in love. I don’t think I’m too far gone. I’m still pretty emotional and feminine. I’m just wondering how I can be less of a tough cookie.

This is really hard for me because I’ve literally been like this my whole life. My mom pushed me to work and go to school, focus on my career first, marriage second. Yet she wants me to bear children young. sigh - she wants too much of me. I just now have came to the conclusion that my mother might have messed me up a bit. the single parent household might have messed me up a bit when I always thought it didn’t. Today, we live in a society where it’s pushed onto women to be independent. I might have just succumbed to that without even realizing it. Because of this, I’m unable to be happy in any relationship.

I recognize that there is an issue at hand and I want to begin working on it. I fear that I’m already too much of a hardass and there’s no turning me around. I’ve got tattoos, piercings, I drink (not heavily at all) and smoke. Doesn’t seem very lady like.

I don’t want to shift my entire personality, however. No, I like myself. I just wish to be more submissive. I believe at the moment, I’m very much dominant outside the bedroom, at least. My boyfriend fears that I have all the control in the relationship and that’s absolutely not true. I feel bad about it. I was planning on sitting him down tonight when he returns from work and apologizing profusely for always being so hard headed and promising to try my best to change. Seems a tad dramatic, I know. But I really want him to know that I have his best interest at heart and I’ll do whatever I can to make him happy.

My attitude makes me insecure. it makes me think my boyfriend is going to stray. I’ve seen how hurt he’s been because of how difficult I am. I don’t see being passive at being defeated. I see it as what a woman should be. I believe in traditional gender roles, yet, I don’t even follow them.

any advice would be greatly appreciated! thank you all.