How to get him back?

HappilyMrs · 2022-02-02T09:13:51+00:00

You need to step right back. Get on with your life. You're both young, the relationship was short and long distance. Spend some time working on making yourself happy. If he wants to come back he will, but no amount of tips and tricks will make him change his mind if his focus is elsewhere.

It's hard to get over when you really care, but you won't feel good having him back if you are always wondering if it's simply down to things you specifically did, and not just because he missed you

Sea_Bookkeeper_1533 · 2022-02-02T09:49:25+00:00

It sounds like a new version of "it's not you, it's me."

I would leave it. He knows how to contact you, should he want to. If you reach out to him you're basically telling him you have very little self respect and dignity and he will remember that.

johnnycage24 · 2022-02-02T09:15:32+00:00

Don't get him back, move on with your life. The more you think about this the more it will eat you out (in a bad way).

0005000f · 2022-02-02T11:56:07+00:00

You don't! Move on. If he wanted to be with you, he would be. If he realizes later he wants to be with you, he will come back and ask you to to take him back. Take it from someone who has made many mistakes over the years and actually learned from them: YOU CAN'T MAKE SOMEONE WANT TO BE WITH YOU IF THEY DON'T. You can be the most perfect woman, doing all the right things, but you can't make someone want to be with you.

CountTheBees · 2022-02-02T08:40:04+00:00

I link this all the time, because it's very important to know. The importance of silence after a break up. If he wants you he'll chase you. That bit about the keys is nonsense. He broke up with you. If he changes his mind, it's on him to let you know.

Some_Milk · 2022-02-02T10:00:00+00:00

No contact for atleast 1 week for every month you've been in a relationship for. Don't message him for anything unless it's to get ur stuff back or his stuff. I'm guessing because you havnt been together long and it's ldr you probably don't have any stuff. Just "wait" for him to come to you. Block, unfriend or ignore/mute on EVERY app. Maybe have 1 app where u can see his messages but he can't see that you've seen his messages. In the meantime, start doing other things to occupy your mind. This strategy works to get him back or move on. It's not like his feelings for you are gone, he is just too busy and honestly I think it's admirable that he broke up with you over it instead of just ignoring you when the time comes. Ultimately it's his decision if he wants to date you... Let that sink in, because he doesn't have the time to spare. Maybe you'd be better off moving on unless you plan on moving to live with him.

Strixt · 2022-02-02T08:11:00+00:00

Not enough information.

Is he moving?

Why can’t you move with him?

What does he mean he no longer can provide for you? Is he giving you money?

Are you making his life easier so he can’t leave you? Example (I won’t be able to do it justice): I read a hilarious women say she leaves her husband ball sack empty and his belly full so he just can’t function without her.

Being a great wife or g/f is about being able to support your man and his business opportunities. Him leveling up is always a benefit to you.

How might he think you are holding him up or back from this opportunity?

Greldy_britches · 2022-02-02T12:51:09+00:00

Let him go and live your life. Do what brings you joy. Spend time with friends and family. Focus on loving yourself and being the person you want to be. If he loves you, or if you’re really meant to be, he’ll come back. That means if y’all communicate, it’s because he calls you, or he texts you, or he reaches out to you to meet in person. Leave him be otherwise. I know it sounds difficult—it absolutely is—but you’ll be much better off if you can just dig deep into the maturest, most stable parts of yourself and commit to not acting desperate or clingy. It will backfire. You simply cannot force someone to be with you. If he eventually comes back on his own, wonderful! If not, you’ll be better equipped to move on having spent that time focusing on your own well being.

amadexodus · 2022-02-02T15:40:44+00:00

Having looked through your post and comment history, I think there may be more to the story that he didn’t say and you’re not bringing up here. I won’t comment on anything specific since you’re obviously in an emotional state, but it wouldn’t surprise me if he just wasn’t that into you.

Cease any and all contact with him immediately. Do a lot of work on yourself and get to know RPW really well since you are probably new here. Learn about what we call “nun mode.”

ziggystarshine · 2022-02-02T15:21:33+00:00

It sounds like an excuse honestly. Something that’s difficult to admit is that people can really like you and enjoy being with you but not be willing to put in the effort or necessary commitment for a relationship. Plenty of successful people maintain relationships. Success doesn’t bar you from loving someone. This feels like he’s putting you on the back burner.

StripperWhore · 2022-02-02T17:16:05+00:00

Don't contact him. Respect his decision, respect his boundaries.

You do NOT want to be with a man who will do easily leave like this. You will deeply regret it. Give him space to really think about his decision.

I know that's not what you want to hear, but if you really *do* want a chance with him, the more space and less you contact him, the more of a possibility it will happen. <3 hang in there.

StripperWhore · 2022-02-02T17:20:06+00:00

A big problem here, you admit you have no direction. The last thing you need to be thinking about is a man when you don't have direction/plans for your own life. I would get into therapy and really hone your values and get a life plan in action. You can't be a good wife/partner if you don't know who you are.

deathhammer93 · 2022-02-02T15:36:07+00:00

ignore him

FleetingWish · 2022-02-02T08:55:51+00:00

Not sure we're getting the whole story here. But assuming we are, he's seeing you (any relationship?) as more of a burden than an asset. It may not be that you're high maintenance per say, but the maintenance you do requre is more than he feels like he can handle (he may even be putting it on himself, what he wants to give rather than what your needs actually are). Or you may be high maintenance, I have no way of knowing.

The best way I see to change his mind is to go to completely 0% maintenance, and show him what you can be as an asset. Make him lunch and drop it off on his doorstep, if you still have a key, let yourself in when he's not around and tidy up. These are ideas off the top of my head, but you know what he would appreciate.

Here's the hard part: you have to ask for nothing in return. Not his time, not phone conversations, nothing. Just drop things off and disappear as if you were never there. You can leave notes as long as they say things like you're proud of him (asset), and not things like you miss him (burden).

The goal here is to show him what value you provide while not giving him the standard relationship burden package.

If it works he will come to you. Though there is a chance he'll tell you to stop, in which case it's time to move on. To be honest I don't know if it would work, but my it's best guess for what might, and that's only if you're both being honest about the reason for the break up (him to you and you to us). I would say if it does work it would take maybe around 30 days. Any more than 90 and it would definitely be time to move on.

If it does work, you'll have to carefully watch how much of a burden you're being for a while going forward.

Title	How to get him back?
Author	Historical_Task_9861
Upvotes	14
Comments	41
Date	February 2, 2022 8:03 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/sij5eq/how_to_get_him_back/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-get-him-back.1100200 https://theredarchive.com/post/1100200

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