Is it possible to effectively bridge major political/religious difference?

youllknowwhenitstime · 2023-05-23T23:41:43+00:00

I'm very pro-life, and he's admitted to being in support of abortion at least in some cases. I'm very Catholic, and as far as I'm aware, he's not. I have very conservative/traditional views on gender roles & a woman's role; he, however, does not. I hold the view men and women can't be friends, but he's mentioned several female friends already. We're both in a very liberal field - and his friends are too.

This is a bit more than "major religious/political differences".

Should we just avoid sensitive topics that we disagree on?

Do you believe you can have a thriving and intimate marriage while avoiding topics like life and death morality and religion? Do you believe it's realistic to raise a family together and not encounter major turning points based on these things? Do you believe it's a wise idea to marry something without having hashed out concepts like "What would you do if I found out I was pregnant with a Down Syndrome baby?" or "What religion will we raise the children in?"

How can I discuss one of these topics while remaining feminine and submissive to him?

You want to submit to a man who will lead you in a direction different from your religion, morals, understanding of what being a woman is, and understanding of what being respectful in a relationship is?

Also, submitting is for husbands, aka men who have committed to leading and providing in return. Vetting is for any man that *hasn't* committed to leading and providing in return.

basedviet · 2023-05-24T18:03:20+00:00

it sounds like you guys are not equally yoked, these are things that couples should be on the same page about.

BudgetInteraction811 · 2023-05-24T05:21:57+00:00

There’s already a huge age gap and power imbalance here, plus you disagree on foundational relationship values like religion and abortion. He has a PhD, and you have no desire to continue being an academic after university and want to become a stay at home wife/mom. I feel like most academic types are not looking for that. He’s a grown man who has his adult life figured out and you’re just beginning yours. There are so many incompatibilities here it’s bound to break sooner than later. Physical attraction and charm can only carry a relationship so far.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2023-05-24T14:21:56+00:00

I'm very Catholic, and as far as I'm aware, he's not.

Is he otherwise Christian or raised in a Christian (whether RC or Protestant) household? LTR/Marriage with a religious Christian and a non-Christian (or for a Jewish person and a non-Jewish person, etc.) can be dicey. It's all well and good during the lovey-dovey part of the relationship, but it will start to wear on you after a while, and wait until that first kid arrives and the grandparents get involved.

I know a couple where he is Jewish and she is RC. They decided to raise the children Jewish (not how Jewish law works, AFAIK, but ok) and her parents first chance they got (they were local and could babysit), whisked the child away to be baptized by their priest. Somehow this was found out and, well, Big Trouble.

But, because he doesn't hold the same views on gender roles I do, I fear he'll grow bored or disappointed in me. He's a PHD; I don't even want to go after my masters.

This might not be that big of a deal; men are more interested in things like facial symmetry and waist-to-hips ratio. We date across and down dominance hierarchies and women date across and up (hypergamy!)

The issue will be if he looks down on you for this (might not be a big deal) or if his friends do. You might find it lonely if you are the one right of center person amidst a sea of liberals. Liberals can be quite chauvinistic about their viewpoints being correct, holding the right opinions, etc., etc.¹

I'm afraid of bringing this up and coming across as too anxious or too naggy.

First, you should 100% talk about it. You can do this in a non-anxious/naggy way. The more direct the better. Sit him down - both of you should be focused on the convo; this isn't the type of think you do while you're busy with other tasks - and say "Look, moving forward, I want to have a clear understanding of what each others goals and expectations are. Mine are {list} and if this is going to be a problem for you we need to find out now."

Should we just avoid sensitive topics that we disagree on?

You can ATD, I suppose. You are a Zoomer, so you are 2 generations down from people having opposing views and still remaining friends. Gen X was the last of that I think. Ex. A musician buddy of mine and I are typically opposed on most things (he somehow is pro-gun, but on pretty much everything else, he's left and I am at least center-right). Then the Vax came along. He is anti-vax and he had friendships end over it, en masse. As he put it, "I found out that it was my right-wing friends who were the tolerant ones all along."

When I was growing up, it was possible to be best buds with someone you 100% disagreed with on politics. Starting in Gen Y and in Gen Z, it's increasingly rare. There are some stats floating around on it about how libs are 3x to 5x more likely to end friendships, etc., but some conservatives do it also. It's a pity.

He's shown interest in committing even though we haven't been talking for very long.

How long? He may prefer monogamy. Also, at 34, he's not likely to see 22 again.

Anyway, good luck.

¹ Sorry, not sorry, libs...you know I'm right about this.

Jenneapolis · 2023-05-24T00:05:02+00:00

If he is honestly ok with supporting you to stay home, then I think this could work. However I think you really need to vet him hard to make sure that’s what he wants and he’s not just telling you what you want to hear. Understand why he’s not married yet, what failed in his past relationships, and why specifically he’s into YOU over others (I am NOT saying grill him to get these answers, be sneaky, but you need to know). Understand you will have to make many comprises if you are with him because you don’t share values and if you are staying home in a traditional relationship dynamic, he’ll likely lead and have things he wants to do differently than you and so you WILL compromise. But being he’s flexible on gender roles could he a good thing for you here in this regard as he may be more flexible in what he expects of you. Ask yourself if you can live like this and figure out what he really wants from life.

kittenegg25 · 2023-05-24T17:17:00+00:00

No. I think you should end things now. You cannot (and should not) avoid these topics/conversations. They are very important. Unless he does a 180, this is not a good man for you. God bless you <3

TheBunk_TB · 2023-05-24T01:58:18+00:00

No, just get back to looking

Challenge isn't worth it

AutoModerator · 2023-05-23T23:19:01+00:00

Title: Is it possible to effectively bridge major political/religious difference?

Full text: Hi all!

I'm in the process of getting to know people/dating with a purpose and I've posted on here before asking for advice during the vetting stage - in both situations the reactions were pretty negative, and I found them to be reasonable (and also true!); so back to the dating world I went. I've also acted on some self-improvement advice I got on here and started being more picky using dating apps, talking to fewer people at the same time and going on dates early on.

I (22F) went back to talking to a man (34M) I met last year. He's a university professor and we're in the same field (I'm still a student, however). We have tons of things in common - how we deal with dating, music, what we want from the future, our priorities, etc. He is genuinely nice and caring and warm. I invited him to a family member's birthday party - and he got along so well with my entire family. We slow danced, kissed, and had a really really good time together.

However, there are some major differences between us. I'm very pro-life, and he's admitted to being in support of abortion at least in some cases. I'm very Catholic, and as far as I'm aware, he's not. I have very conservative/traditional views on gender roles & a woman's role; he, however, does not. I hold the view men and women can't be friends, but he's mentioned several female friends already. We're both in a very liberal field - and his friends are too.

So far these things haven't become problems yet. I've shared my desire to be a stay at home mom, and he's not opposed to it. So far, we get along very well and even when we disagree, things remain respectful and light.

But, because he doesn't hold the same views on gender roles I do, I fear he'll grow bored or disappointed in me. He's a PHD; I don't even want to go after my masters. A career & extra degreees wouldn't fulfill me - cooking, cleaning, caring for my family, turning a house into a home, do. But I'm also aware that this choice will cause a gap in our intellectual repertoire, life experiences, etc; which is not a problem for me. But I fear it will, eventually, become one for him. I'm afraid of bringing this up and coming across as too anxious or too naggy.

He's shown interest in committing even though we haven't been talking for very long. We work extremely well together so far. He's patient, extremely intelligent, determined; he's also very nice, charismatic. I feel like I can open up with him and he's said the same. Things feel comfortable. I want to commit as well; but I'm afraid of doing so and having these differences become a problem in the long run.

Should we just avoid sensitive topics that we disagree on? How can I discuss one of these topics while remaining feminine and submissive to him?

I'd appreciate any advice or insight yall have to offer!

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

GmanRaz · 2023-05-25T23:51:48+00:00

IMO it wont work. Cut your losses now. I dated a woman who had more left views and opinions (some began to be more radical as she was in academia) and I hold very conservative views. Butting it off was tough but I knew it was the right choice. It's not healthy to be in a relationship where you cannot discuss views with each other because they are so polar opposite. It means you both have to shut off part of yourself permanently.

Title	Is it possible to effectively bridge major political/religious difference?
Author	templilwitch
Upvotes	7
Comments	23
Date	May 23, 2023 11:19 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/13q48vi/is_it_possible_to_effectively_bridge_major/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/is-it-possible-to-effectively-bridge-major.1220142 https://theredarchive.com/post/1220142

Comments