Let's talk about age gaps.

radioactivities9 · 2017-04-30T00:04:52+00:00

No opinion on your choice, but I'll give my tangential one on age differences.

I think there's a prejudice towards young men not being 'real' men or adults yet. Just because they're young doesn't mean they haven't had trials and experiences or that they won't rise to challenges.

It's easy to mistake enthusiasm and a sense of adventure for 'immaturity' or risk. It's easy to mistake cynicism and conventionality for 'adulthood' or security.

There's benefit into just fitting into an older person's life as they've settled down, it can relieve burden and bring a sense of security.

There's benefit to building a life with someone who's in the same place you are. This can be a very powerful bonding experience.

What stage of life someone is in often comes with age, but not always. ALWAYS a good idea to look really close at who the person is and your compatibility as people (values, personality) not the lifestyle or stage.

Did we really find something that hard to find or are we just happy to have found it?

Willow-girl · 2017-04-30T00:24:09+00:00

since it's only been a few months

This is a bigger red flag than the age gap, IMO. Don't be in a hurry to rush into things. He's 36, not 66. I'd worry if a man tries to pressure you into marriage right away ... it may mean he's not sure how long he can stay on his best behavior, lol. I'm exaggerating of course, but as I said in another thread, "people reveal their character incrementally over time."

wn36 · 2017-04-30T14:46:14+00:00

For a woman to find a match in the age range that you describe in your situation is the perfect setup as long as you both have your stuff together. Is he relatively successful in his career? No drugs, excessive drinking, other women? Are you willing to forgo some party years and be the strong woman he deserves my being a strong wife and mother?

99.9% of guys, especially these days, have no intention of marrying when they're at your age. Don't waste your time with the games and immaturity of men in their early to mid 20s. The ones who do want to settle are weak unsuccessful betas who you won't be happy with long term.

My parents are 15years apart and have been happily married for 37 years. My cousin and her husband are 11 apart and couldn't be happier. They had their first child a year ago.

Search your soul, make sure you see the relationship when you're both a lot older. Make sure it'll work in your mind. And if you do go LTR/marriage....don't succumb to the whims of your party girl single friends. Be the strong woman this man deserves.

To your friends, 36 seems like an old man. I'm 36, sweetheart and I can tell you....I'm just getting started. Just vet this man properly and make sure there aren't any major red flags. Age in your scenario is optimal. Your friends just might be jealous that they have to continue to play the game with these other "boys," as they continue to be used and abused by men who have no clue what they want. Sounds like you're smart enough to see past all that.

Most importantly, like I said earlier, make sure this is what you want. Aim at it and pull the trigger.

rivertorain · 2017-04-30T08:58:59+00:00

I was 20 when I started dating my ex, he was 36. He was always very honest and never wanted children, which worked for me at 20, but not so much at 25 when I consciously started to want a family.

Like any relationship, if your long-term goals match up and you are committed to making it work, I think it can work. In being with someone who had much more life experience than me, I grew a ton. I learned a lot about communication, managing finances, business. And the sex was awesome :)

That said, there were definitely times when I felt I was missing out on "young people" things, like partying together or traveling (he had his own business which made spontaneity difficult).

No regrets though and I'd do it all again.

teaandtalk · 2017-04-29T22:53:41+00:00

It's not usually about the age gap, it's about the experience/life stages gap.

Are you a mature 22? Do you have a job and the ability to run your own life? Have you had interesting experiences (travel, endeavors, etc)? If so, then that sounds like a decent foundation for a relationship with someone in their 30s.

If you're a homebody with little experience outside of your familial home, I'd be wondering how much growing up you have left to do & how compatible you are long term.

And if you're still trying to 'find yourself' and have fun 20-something experiences (backpacking through Europe, living in a share house, etc) then you may not want you tie yourself to an older man who's presumably not into those things.

mepinkie · 2017-04-30T00:10:39+00:00

https://youtu.be/m_9hfHvQSNo

Cardiscappa · 2017-04-30T00:44:49+00:00

It's not something I've ever worried about it. I've been in relationships with larger age gaps. I had a very long relationship with a similar age gap to you. It did fall apart, but it wasn't the age that did it. I have a good crew of friends and I highly value their opinion, especially since I tend to wear rose coloured glasses. In the case of the age gap, they had their concerns, but once they met him, their fears were alleviated. When the relationship dissolved, I got nary a "I told you his was too old!" I told you so's.

I'm in another relationship with an older man, but younger than the previous. If he asked, I'd marry him without question. Yes, there's the erectile dysfunction possibility as he ages, but men in their twenties can get it too. People of all ages have emotional and physical baggage and honestly, I've seen what's in my marketplace and I have no problem with his. Granted I'm older than you so my selection on the marketplace is more narrow, but I'd honestly not have it any other way.

nicsyl · 2017-04-30T01:57:50+00:00

I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 28. We started out as friends and the age gap produced some hesitation. It took about a year of casual dating to develop a relationship and become exclusive due to our differing life situations, but we've found ourselves relating to each other more than we ever thought we would. It just depends on the couple and the situation. I wish you two great happiness!

PessimistWithHope · 2017-04-30T02:11:42+00:00

I consider an age gap a good thing in a relationship regardless how big or small it is. This way as a couple you grow and learn from one another. In terms of men I think its best to date older because of their maturity level and sense of self. They typical know what they want and are willing to put in work for it.

flyingwaterlilly · 2017-04-30T16:26:53+00:00

I think what it all comes down to is that as long as both have the same values and goals, any relationship can last, regardless of age.

Shaela90 · 2017-05-01T00:00:26+00:00

I think it depends on who you are and what kind of relationship you're after. There are always pros and cons, there's a lot of 'truth' and 'right' going around, it's up to everyone to figure out what's true and right for them.

An older, more established man is a good choice if you're into a more traditional dynamic and you're somewhat traditional yourself. Looking after a father figure is not inherently wrong, when it offers you stability.

OTOH, if you're looking for a 'partner in crime' type of relationship, then, usually, a smaller age gap is better. Besides, if you'd like to have children, but not in the next, say, couple of years, it might be easier with a younger guy, first and foremost from a practical point of view. Biologically as well. I know there's a lot of bro science going around TRP about this, and yeah, technically a man can have children even in his, say, 80s, but the reality is just as female fertility and chance of healthy conception decreases, so does a male's.

Also, similar experiences build up similar characters/tastes/traits. Let's say I grew up in a good economic climate and my partner who is some years older experienced political and economical instability growing up. Those experiences alone bring up very different individuals, I would tend to be more careless with money in the sense that I'd spend it on culturally enhancing experiences while he would be much more down to earth, trying to secure a home, a stable career, etc. You can see how something simple as this can bring a lot of strain in a relationship with a big age gap. It's up to you to decide who you are and what kind of people you mesh with better.

cynicalhousewife · 2017-04-30T13:43:43+00:00

I wouldn't want to be with a man who was going to die years before me and was a senior citizen when I was still relatively young. I also wouldn't want an age gap to stick out like a sore thumb. I have a friend who is 26 and her husband is 87. They have been together since she was 16 and they have 5 children. They have been through hell and back defending their relationship and CPS have treated them and their children horrifically, making up spiteful lies about this couple and subjecting their children to immense trauma. The CPS workers are all disgruntled women who don't like the relationship. My friend had one laugh at her and ask her curtly how her sex life was. Not only that but their families will not talk to them, and people avoid and ostracize them. They are a lovely couple and it's sad but I would not want to put myself through that.

plein_old · 2017-04-30T15:06:10+00:00

One of my favorite musicians married a 20 year old woman when he was 80. lol. True story. That's a 60 year age gap, or 15x4. When people gave him flak about it, and asked him if there could be a problem with this age gap, his response was, "I look at it this way, if she dies, she dies." lol.

He played for JFK at the white house, and of course JFK's wife was 12 years younger than JFK. *edited for brevity

ThatStepfordGal · 2017-05-01T00:15:56+00:00

My SO and I are about eight years apart. It's all about the level of maturity and the emotional bond. I truly believe in that time old dynamic of having a much older male as a partner since they tend to be as mature as you are (if you have matured!) and have more settled goals in life. I do agree with many of the posts here saying men in their 20s are unreliable and unsettled, it's true, especially in Western Countries.

Though I'm much younger than my SO he says mentally I'm much much older than my age, mentally older than some women he had encountered in the past that would be actually much older than me! In some aspects he even thinks I'm more mature than him, he wants to learn from me. However he is also very mature and I learn a lot from him, he is responsible, has initiative and successful about it and is striving to be even better for me. It's all I could ever ask for.

RedPillWonder · 2017-05-01T04:50:57+00:00

Continue to vet carefully and move forward at your pace. It sounds like you have something good. Keep it.

AndyKane · 2017-05-02T09:01:48+00:00

You know what they say, a man's soulmate is half his age + 9 lol.

wonderlandgirl111 · 2017-05-03T05:32:59+00:00

I mean, that sounds very RPW. I don't really like men a lot older than me, but I don't really think there is ever too big of an age gap if it works.

I will say this though. Unfortunately, in your later years you're probably going to be taking care of him. One of my good friend's mother remarried a man 17 years older than her and she pretty much had to spend her 50s taking care of his health problems while he was in and out of the hospital, which really stressed her out and annoyed her. She would tell my friend (her daughter) that it was really unfair and she regretted marrying a man much older, even though they had been together for like 20 years at this point.

But that's just kind of luck of the draw because you never know if someone will actually develop health problems though. This guy was always very healthy and then developed serious heart and circulation problems. Its mostly just luck.

ana1917 · 2017-04-30T10:57:38+00:00

I assume you mean you're 27 and he's 48? It can work for about 3 years. Till he has a heart attatck and you as a young woman have to take care of your 'father'. Anything more than 5 years apart is an issue for lists of reasons. Women marrying older don't quite understand men as the women of his generation do so it would make senses he'd want to escape those opinions.

Honestly, he has all the benefits and you have none. No 401k nor retirement benefits as the previous wife has probably liquidated them. It's of no advantage for you to be with him form a red pill lense.

hikergirl1234 · 2017-05-01T01:23:19+00:00

I'm 21 and have been with my boyfriend (age 33) for almost 3 years now. The dynamic has worked out very well for us - we met when I was 19 but I never had the desire to date around. I appreciate his maturity and stability as I figure my own things out :)

If you ever want someone to talk to in a similar situation, PM me. I'd be happy to answer any questions!

christian_bales_mole · 2017-05-01T19:29:55+00:00

I think there is a such thing as too much when there's a power imbalance in the relationship. My sister was 20 when she married a 47 year old. I believe he took advantage of the fact that she is and has always been very immature and naive and doesn't really think things through.

I'm 24 and dating a 39 year old and think our age gap is about the most I'd go. We are both on the same level and I don't feel that there is a power imbalance. I appreciate that he is willing to commit and is a steady, constant person now. Whereas most men in their 20s are leaves blowing in the wind.

Title	Let's talk about age gaps.
Author	amethyst92
Upvotes	7
Comments	55
Date	April 29, 2017 10:32 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/68c53j/lets_talk_about_age_gaps/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/lets-talk-about-age-gaps.87242 https://theredarchive.com/post/87242

Comments