Modern dating + 50/50 mentality

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2025-05-15T07:34:00+00:00

Show genuine appreciation and gratitude for what he does for you. "Expecting" this kind of things can easily come off as entitled. Always show that you understand it is a gift, not something you are owed. Reciprocate with something for him, baking like someone else suggested is simple and commonly appreciated by men.

I would still offer to pay from time to time. If he refuses, let it go and thank him gracefully. If he agrees, then you are doing something to please him, treat him to something, and show your own appreciation. Coming from different cultures means you BOTH need to adapt and understand each other. Avoiding 50/50 imo is more about avoiding the distasteful scene of asking for separate bills or splitting the check down to the last cent... paying for something is different, you are just treating him (and maybe showing understanding of the financial weight of taking you out again and again). For example, in the early dating stage, if he pays for dinner you could offer to pay for drinks or a movie, or invite him for a coffee date some other day.

drakesphere · 2025-05-15T02:53:02+00:00

Do you bake? Do you have some great dinner recipes up your sleeve? Can I suggest you show him how you enjoy reciprocating by ways you're confident in and ways he'd appreciate. A genuine thank you after taking you out also goes a long way. If cooking isn't your thing, then something like a foot/hand/shoulder massage can go a long way. I'm a guy and don't have a 50/50 mindset but knowing the person I'm dating is genuinely grateful and they try reciprocating in their own way is what makes it work easily. Hope that helps.

serene_brutality · 2025-05-15T09:03:46+00:00

Thanks for being honest. Lots of American women feel exactly the same way but want to try and hide it behind something else.

A lot of, if not most American guys know the drill. We know we pay for most things, even though you often make as much or more than us sometimes. But redpill being more in line with traditional, you wanting something akin to a traditional relationship tracks. If you want something close to traditional, you’ve got to be something close to traditional.

There’s a lot behind the 50/50 thing but a big part of it is reciprocity, I buy then you buy, or we share the expense, share the load. There are other ways to share the load, ways that don’t feel as masculine, for lack of a better term, as paying. One commenter said baking, it’s pretty good example.

If you want him to give or do in the masculine way, then you’ve got to give or do in the feminine way. You’ve basically got to figure out how to give back somehow, make him feel like a you’re a good partner and he and his efforts are appreciated, and that he’s special to you.

All relationships are give and take, lately things have gotten a bit twisted. We seem to remember that guys pay, but have forgotten that women used to do stuff too for the men they fancied, make him things, do stuff for him and make him feel cared about. Back when sleeping with someone was a big deal and was treated like premarital relations was scandalous women did other things during the courtship ritual. But since the sexual liberation it feels, to me at least, that a lot of women like the traditional feeling of being treated and all they know what to do in return is satisfy his sexual urges. Things like cooking for him, cleaning for him giving little shoulder and feet rubs, making things is seen as demeaning. That too is a reason for things going to 50/50.

CountTheBees · 2025-05-15T00:28:48+00:00

You don't... If you're willing to date interculturally, you have to be willing to accommodate the other culture, rather than expect it to accommodate you. Unless you are currently located in an Arabic country, then you can say something like, "in my culture the man always pays". But if you're on American soil you shouldn't say anything at all and just date around till you find what you want. If that doesn't give you good results and you are missing out on too many good men, then you should drop your standards/expectations to realign more with your new culture.

Gwyneee · 2025-05-15T03:26:57+00:00

Lots of men share this expectation. Conversely there's been some push back in the current culture war. So I'd just ask him what his expectations are. And tell him how you were raised. Tell him what you told us. No need to be sly about it just humble and honest

WildCardWinner · 2025-05-16T00:34:12+00:00

Are you living in America? What will your money be going towards?

Jenneapolis · 2025-05-16T00:57:09+00:00

Wow, this thread really went off the rails (no fault of your own).

The best thing to use is gratitude. The next date when he pays say something like “Thank you SO much for picking up the check! It’s really common in my culture but many modern men don’t want to do that and I just want you to know how much I appreciate it.” Then a big smile, eye contact, and hug or kiss on the cheek or whatever is appropriate for where you’re at in your relationship physically.

See where the conversation goes, he may ask more questions about your culture in which case you can volunteer info. Or he may just say no problem because he agrees and it’s no big deal. Either way he will get the message without you demanding it but instead saying it in a way that expresses appreciation for him.

TheXemist · 2025-05-15T16:47:00+00:00

If he hasn’t complained about it and he’s not a pushover, then he’s probably feeling secure financially, and him paying for things is very likely no problem for him.

However if he blows up about it later, just expect that this is mostly a cultural thing, most western men expect 50/50, and it’s not really acceptable in naturalization in the US to make an American do something that they don’t believe in especially from countries with different culture.

NationalMouse · 2025-05-15T00:28:58+00:00

Never in all my years of dating have I ever offered to pay for a date until maybe like 6 months in and then I’ll start offering to pay for fast food for him or just show up with his favorite beer, things like that. Or if there’s a trip we are planning to go on together I might offer to buy the plane tickets or something and maybe treat him to 1 or 2 meals but I still expect him to pay for most of it😅 Sorry not sorry, I expect my man to court me and prove that he’s willing to take care of me.

No_Astronaut1515 · 2025-05-15T04:25:08+00:00

Girl check out Shera Steven's tips on this. Don't tell. It directly, stay in your pink feminine and he will know he has to pay.

KurtWagnersBamfSmoke · 2025-05-16T14:15:22+00:00

In this day and age it's not because men don't WANT to pay for everything, it's that we CAN'T. The value of the US dollar has PLUMMETED . You need $168.22 today to do the same as $100 as simple as 20 years ago. And wages has pretty much stagnated. The median income has only gone up $8k/year in the same amount of time. There's more to it, but that's the gist.

And somehow it's men's fault.

YoyoPeaches · 2025-05-15T00:29:31+00:00

a good way to discuss it saying something along the lines of "if we moved in together how would that look financially"

I've always told men that I prefer traditional provider men, politely of course. simply state what you like, the right man will not take this the wrong way imo. I have a provider man and he is great! You aren't looking for a roommate, (50/50) you're looking for him to continue providing.

I don't think I've ever paid for a date ive been on lol, all about how you phrase it

AutoModerator · 2025-05-15T00:21:37+00:00

Title: Modern dating + 50/50 mentality

Author Cool-Swimming8744

Full text: So I started dating this guy and he’s paid for the first date, second date was to the park and he seems to love doing things for me (walking me home, holding every door open for me, etc.) but he’s American and I’m Arabic - so I grew up with the culture of men doing everything for the women and I expect this. I’m just afraid to communicate that I want him to CONTINUE paying for everything and doing everything for me. I’m perfectly capable of paying for myself but feeling taken care of, thru financial means/acts of service is very important for me. But idk how to tell him this without sounding like a gold digger/entitled brat?!! Please help 😭😭

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Dense_Candle9573 · 2025-05-15T15:08:18+00:00

Well it seems he's already doing what you want why are you worried he'll stop. If he doesn't stop no need to worry, only start worrying when he stops lol

Title	Modern dating + 50/50 mentality
Author	Cool-Swimming8744
Upvotes	32
Comments	29
Date	May 15, 2025 12:21 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1kmuuwu/modern_dating_5050_mentality/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/modern-dating-5050-mentality.1552124 https://theredarchive.com/post/1552124

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