My Hypergamy is acting up [22]

MsSadieDunham · 2017-03-11T17:29:16+00:00

This is not hypergamy. Hypergamy is if you have interest in another guy and are all of a sudden nit picking your man to justify leaving him for someone better. This more sounds like you having serious doubts about the relationship. Strictly speaking just based on what you've provided here, I'd say your concerns aren't entirely unfounded. I'd wonder if this relationship had longevity and if I was investing time in a man who was worth it.

AlwaysFlank · 2017-03-11T16:46:11+00:00

I find him attractive, but I've never been deeply sexually drawn to him

I stopped reading right there. Like it or not, you've already moved on

Littlewifey · 2017-03-11T16:44:04+00:00

There is a difference between hypergamy and finding a captain.

I don't see this as hypergamy but rather dating below your SMV which ends up causing these type of thoughts.

How long have you two been in a relationship?

mwait · 2017-03-11T18:17:03+00:00

Not being sexually attracted to someone is a recipe for disaster in a LTR.

Whether or not you guys are of comparable SMV is sort of irrelevant if YOU don't find your partner attractive.

dekachinn · 2017-03-11T18:24:51+00:00

I find him attractive, but I've never been deeply sexually drawn to him.

You have issues. Deep down, you want a man who will engage you on and address these issues in stimulating ways. For years you allowed your deep emotional self to drive your choices, which gave to a certain satisfaction, but also resulted in creating new problems, as disordered behavior tends to do, so your rational brain stepped in and put a stop to it - kinda.

Deep down, you want to be bad. You have these unresolved issues that will pull you away from sensible, rational choices because your emotional drive is trying to do strange things in an effort to heal deeply rooted scars. Indulging it won't really fix it, hence why it is disordered. You're just going to have to address it in therapy over time, and eventually - someday - your bad behavior cravings will be something that go away, or are easily ignored.

But back to the issue at hand: current BF = logical/rational brain choice. Problem? The guy actually isn't hacking it under the logical/rational brain choice criteria.

The guy is a loser. He might be a "hot" loser, but yeah - you are waking up to the fact that he is a loser. Now, not to be too harsh: it is very hard to be a winner in the acting game. That profession makes 10 losers for every 1 winner. That is why your rational brain is not happy with his attachment to acting.

You are at that age where you are waking up to the fact that money and career matters, and that hot loser guys who dominate the dating field until mid-20s are actually starting to lose their appeal for you, because you're not a student any more and realize that guys who live with their parents and have no real prospects aren't all they're cracked up to be. Just wait until you are 30+ and realize that money not only matters, it is huge, once you start considering the cost of children and getting a nice house.

Your rational mind and deep emotional drives agree: this guy is done.

The only thing holding you back at this point is your sense of guilt because you know you are a mess, and this guy apparently put up with it, but so what? Does putting up with you mean that this relationship is going to work out? Nope. You would just be wasting more months with him as a sacrifice on the altar of your guilt. That wouldn't benefit either one of you.

Willow-girl · 2017-03-11T18:17:41+00:00

He may be the best I can do.

Never settle. Just don't. It is better to be alone than with the wrong guy ... especially if the right guy happens to come along.

Autonomy_Economy · 2017-03-11T18:13:01+00:00

I don't see this working out well long term. Move on. It might just be the kick in the ass he needs.

Nyquil-Junkie · 2017-03-11T18:07:46+00:00

Looks like simple incompatibility to me. In this case you probably can do better.

shiro07 · 2017-03-12T02:22:47+00:00

One thing that i want to what everyone said here is that he deserves a chance. Don't just bail out, tell him that he must work on 1, 2, 3, or you'll not seek a future with him, at least it'll make sense when you leave, and he'll feel guilt rather than devastation.

I know that simply nexting the man is the easy and more practical management in regards to OP, but this matter involves a relationship and and a man. I'll just argue that being selfish is not a trait that one wants be fond of.

Rivkariver · 2017-03-12T01:04:31+00:00

I think your first step in all of this is to maybe stop perceiving yourself as "not much of a catch." Nobody is perfect but first of all good men will cut you a lot of slack if you did done dumb past behavior as a result of acting out from abuse (and not just from being spoiled or selfish.)

tell a decent guy you acted impulsively due to deep wounds and now no longer do that and they will say what's past is past.

Second of all RPW isn't about despairing and beating yourself up for having any traits that certain TRP guys would love to rag on.

It's about realistic assessments of yourself in order to constructively capitalize your strong points, minimize the weak points.

Try this and then take another look at all this, the guy if you are still with him by then, etc.

Now I do think this isn't your hypergamy in this instance. BUT if at any point you do struggle with restlessness bear in mind that while you aren't required to stay with any man you didn't marry, there isn't a perfect prince with no defects out there, unless you are a believer in Jesus...

radioactivities9 · 2017-03-11T20:58:26+00:00

Go see the 'deadbedrooms' subreddit for the misery being with someone you're not attracted to can entail.

FriendFrog · 2017-03-12T03:14:49+00:00

Lack of ambition seems to be an epidemic these days.

Where does he get his weed money?

tempintheeastbay · 2017-03-12T08:09:09+00:00

Cant say it enough: don't date actors

molexp · 2017-03-12T16:59:03+00:00

At first when reading your first paragraph, I had the impression you might be having the same symptoms as my lady, who at one point was pushing me away despite her strong sexual desire for me which including having dreams where she bore a son for me. She had past trauma and feared she wasn't good enough for me and feared rejection from me, so she wanted to make the first move. It took honest communication between us.

The more I read about your post, the more I felt it was completely different.

He was the first person you could be honest with and didn't judge you. A first experience in something can create emotional connection. You feel grateful for all of that. However, that is it and he seems to have numerous dealbreaking red flags.

Manliness is Virtus (literally) which includes honor and strength. https://redd.it/5x5p6c

The lack of honesty from him in telling you the truth, about the passport, gives you a dealbreaker feeling as it is a lack of honor.

The lack of strength in stopping his dependency on weed is another issue that gives you a dealbreaker feeling.

To move forward and also be grateful at the same time, is to tell him honestly about the dealbreakers that he has done, tell him that you are willing to work with him (if you really are) and see if he changes for the better.

If he has Virtus, he will recognize them, agree and work on improving.

Sometimes good men fall and need a little support from their other half to recover. This is the loyalty of being each others' halves.

But sometimes it might just not be a good man. It depends.

ChokeDownDatPill · 2017-03-13T01:05:40+00:00

That guy sounds like such a loser

Being fucked up a little in childhood doesn't relegate you to dating a disabled basement dwelling "actor"

I'd say get out while the gettin is good

cant_downvote_truth · 2017-03-13T22:12:37+00:00

This doesn't sound like branch swing. This sounds like you have serious doubts about this man.

When vetting someone in the future, please consider "lives with parents" and "smokes pot regularly" as dealbreakers.

Title	My Hypergamy is acting up [22]
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	15
Comments	41
Date	March 11, 2017 4:21 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5ytehk/my_hypergamy_is_acting_up_22/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/my-hypergamy-is-acting-up-22.167192 https://theredarchive.com/post/167192

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