~ archived since 2018 ~

Opening up about your past

June 6, 2022
14 upvotes

I want to ask you guys. Is there any way how women should open up about their past or like emotional baggage (opening and being vulnerable) to man? Or should it be kept to yourself unless man ask about it?

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[–]m_owom 17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I think sharing your emotional baggage/past trauma would leave you feeling very vulnerable, and I wouldn't do it unless you are okay with feeling vulnerable with your partner. I'd save it for a serious relationship, and keep it to myself in the dating stage. I have a lot of trauma in my past and sharing it with my husband was very assuring and helped him understand where some of my responses come from. I think you should wait until you know your partner's character well and are sure it wouldn't scare him off.

[–]amadexodus 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Depends on what you're discussing. You can be honest with someone about what they want to know without answering questions they don't want the answer to.

[–]pieorstrudel51 Star 15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I would say always put your best foot forward. No need to scare them off before you even eat a meal together. And then as you get to know him and vet him, you will be able to see what he can handle. Not every man can handle or deserve to know your full story.

If you are nervous about promiscuity or substance abuse episodes. If it comes up, you can explain things like a lady without going into every detail. "I used to really be into the party scene, but it got old fast." A statement like that.... You are being honest without confessing everything.

But as you vet this man, if he is worth anything you will find you can put trust into him.

The most important thing to remember is.... No matter what you have done, you are worth a nice man. So don't have the mentality that you don't deserve happiness because of mistakes you have made.

[–]sunglasses90 11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I see this asked a lot and I see a lot of women open up and then the guy gets insecure and doesn’t view the woman the same way ever again.

If there is a reason to tell them because it is something that will affect the current relationship then you need to the tell them. Examples of this are an STD or some sort of trauma or mental illness that is not fully resolved that will cause issues to arise in the relationship. These are really the only things I would tell upfront no questions asked because those are things he needs to know.

If it’s not one of those 2 things I automatically put it in the “don’t ask don’t tell” category. Unless you can argue it somehow needs to be brought up because it is relevant. There are very clear double standards for men and women. Men do not like a high body count and feel insecure about it. They are also less forgiving of stupid mistakes than women are with men. Women tend to over share. My advice is to do that with your girlfriends.

Guys don’t wanna hear about your one night stands or sexual past. They want a woman who is strong and resilient and doesn’t let the past determine her future. Go confidently into your next relationship. Your past is your past. Hopefully its nothing that would destroy a future relationship. Hopefully you know how to self sooth, self heal and move on.

[–]rosesonthefloor1 Star 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

It really depends what kind of past or emotional baggage you’re talking about.

My sexual tastes are a bit different than most, so I would bring up a past relationship (only ever in context - like because I was telling a story where it was relevant) which illustrated some part of it to see how the guy responded, which was a great vetting technique for me early on.

For bigger things like childhood trauma, ptsd, etc., I’d wait until you feel you can trust the person enough to be vulnerable around them. Personally, I think these things will come up naturally as you get to know each other - as in your example, a conversation about one thing leads to another and your baggage is relevant. You don’t need to like sit him down and dump your stuff on him though - just mention as much as you’re comfortable with and leave it at that.

[–]swiggaroo 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I feel like if you are seeking a genuine relationship, you need to simply be open and honest about who you are and what makes you you. If you are a adult under the impression that you have serious "emotioal baggage" I recommend therapy. Not in a mean way, I had bad experiences as a child and worked through that in therapy, and it helped a lot. Dumping that on people isn't good, you need to work through that yourself and move on. Then sharing the truth about your past with the right person won't feel like trauma dumping.

[–]Beautiful-Sunflower 5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

I would probably keep certain things to myself if they don't need to be said. Now if it's something that has caused you to be traumatized or that is haunting you then yeah maybe tell the guy. I say only say certain things because in a lot of red pill sections I see men say the biggest problem with women and men not wanting to date is their past, how many people they slept with and then not want to get in relationships because of it. Now I know lying is wrong except it isn't lying if you don't want to give your whole life's secrets out so I guess it realy depends are you just opening up to some random date or is this someone your wanting to get super serious with etc. Best of luck.

[–]Glad-Discount-4761[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Actually there was some talk about my problems was happening.My coworker and I were just talking stuff and somehow got into personal stuff.He asked me about my problem in detail.

So I was thinking how are you suppose to do that in date or with someone serious

[–]ExtinctHerbivore1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link

Never talk personal stuff with a coworker. No matter how often your workplace says, “we’re a family here!”, everything you say will come back to haunt you and negative affect your career, sooner or later. Keep it focused. Keep it positive. Keep it strictly work-related.

[–]Glad-Discount-4761[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

No matter how often your workplace says, “we’re a family here!”, everything you say will come back to haunt you and negatively affect your career, sooner or later

Oh..point noted✍️ Now I am glad I didn't shared much to him

[–]Feroste 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy Link

Man

Don't just drop it on him, lead into it if it's something you need to get off your chest.
I think really time is the answer here. You'll share almost everything eventually if you have a healthy relationship.

[–]gardenfan167 -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

In my opinion just be honest with your partner and your partner should work out their insecurities with you in a healthy manner. You have to reassure him that you won't do it again and that you will teach your kids good morals and values.

[–]salutbych -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

If he doesn't ask he doesn't care. So I'd wait to be asked.

You could ask him about his to open up the line of conversation.

[–]TakeTheVeilCerpin 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy Link

I ask a lot of questions. Don’t lie or lie by omission because nowadays men are doing more digging than before. I have three VERY important questions from the get-go: Body count, OF(past or present), and if you have kids. Anything else we can eventually get to discussing in a more natural way. Honestly, it’s better not to keep surface level things away from a potential partner because then you rob him of choice.

[–]Glad-Discount-4761[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy Link

Man.Everyone literally jumped to body count when what I meant was trauma , insecure or any other problems.

By the way,I literally am infertile lol.Thanks endometriosis I don't know what OF is?

[–]TakeTheVeilCerpin 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy Link

OnlyFans. Like I said surface level things.

[–]Glad-Discount-4761[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy Link

No.I never joined it.I am non American. My question is just for curiousity and want to know in rpw's perspective.It is not like I am in relationship and need to tell man something.

[–]TakeTheVeilCerpin 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy Link

OF us global, not just in the US.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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