A little bit of background, I'm a SAHM to 3yo twins. I have been lurking in this forum for sometime on my main account and I have been doing my best to provide a happy loving home for my family. My house isn't always the cleanest with twinadoes, but I put in effort and make sure I always greet hubby with a smile when he comes home. I was under the impression that everything was going great. We have had a couple of bumps due to parenting style differences, but I've always tried to make sure we discuss in private so I don't undermine him in front of the kids. I did put on 50kg, during pregnancy during the COVID lockdown. I ate a lot, and the gyms were closed. I have lost 30kg so far and I am still on my path for a healthier lifestyle. I should note my hubby also put on substantial weight during that time as well, and he has made no efforts to improve. I haven't critiqued him. I do just want us all to be healthy so we can have a long life together, and I try to reflect that in providing good home cooked meals for us. I only mention our respective weight gain as he mentioned his own as a contributing factor.

Recently we visited my family in a different state. His phone alarm went off and when I turned it off, I saw on his notifications an option to close incognito tab. I saw it was a 100 dollar gift voucher. Confused I invaded his privacy and investigated. I initially thought I had stuffed up and not sent money for a baby shower we were supposed to attend.

I discovered messages between multiple girls on Snapchat, kik, Instagram, telegram, onlyfans. I saw offers of money, Gift vouchers sent, lash extensions bookings he made, videos exchanged. He asked for custom videos and sent dick pics on return. I feel shocked and betrayed.

When I tried to discuss it with him, he called himself names. He said it wasn't my fault, he was a sex addict, a piece of shit. He said he's been feeling depressed, and he's unhappy with how he looks. That it wasn't really cheating as he never met up with any of them. He said he would stop. And told me he would delete everything off his phone. He also told me when I asked about his accounts being created two years ago that he multiple times felt very guilty, and stopped for several months. "When he felt things were good between us". But then he would start again after looking at Instagram "eye candy" and clicking on links.

I just feel like it's my fault. We average having sex 4 times a week, but he plays videogames 3 nights a week and comes to bed past midnight and with kids who are up at 6 I deny him sex usually on those nights when he tries to wake me up as I'm too tired. I would give him oral while he watched porn so maybe I was inadvertently saying it was ok to do this. I thought I made it clear that I won't be doing that anymore as I think moving forward sex should just be us in the bedroom. But last night he asked to watch porn after I started giving him oral. That request has sent me into a tailspin, I rolled over and cried. He said he thought it was just until we rebuilt our relationship. It's been 4 weeks since I discovered everything.

I put on weight so maybe I just am not attractive enough anymore.

I don't know how to move forward. Obviously I'm going to try to work on myself, and my body image. I guess I've been living in yoga pants and sneakers for too long too.

I just feel in utter turmoil. He is a great dad, and a good provider for our family. We work well together as a team normally and I honestly thought we were very happy. I just feel like I was oblivious to the reality. I missed all the signs that he unhappy. I love him very much but I feel betrayed, and I don't know how we rebuild after this.

I don't know what I'm asking for here, I just feel lost. I feel like I need an action plan, but I don't even know what action.