Porn

amadexodus · 2020-09-01T13:50:05+00:00

Can't speak to a husband doing this, as I'm not married. However, I'm currently going through a breakup in part because of my ex's porn addiction. So this will be a total overshare, in part because writing this down is helpful for me to move forward past this. My ex has some deeper personal issues that became magnified over the past few months (lack of self-confidence, general confusion about his purpose/mission in life, not being satisfied with where he is in life at his age, and an unhealthy amount of self-loathing due to all this). I feel that he would turn to cheap pleasures and keep all of this to himself instead of being vulnerable with me so that he could at least start to get over those issues. All of his confusion and emotional baggage needs to be fully dealt with so that he can get over his porn/masturbation compulsion and stay sober from it.

The porn/masturbation also affected our sex life; he felt like he was relapsing at times during sex, he was physically insensitive and therefore didn't enjoy it much, and his brain was conditioned to prefer hyper-alluring porn no matter how much he loved me.....which made it harder for him to hold onto the "in love" feeling.

Total overshare, but my experience has shown me that porn kills love and warps people's brain chemistry and sexual attraction. More importantly, if a man is addicted to porn, even if he's on NoFap and trying to stop, he most likely has other internal issues that are being bottled up and not dealt with. So the porn + his personal problems will seriously hinder his ability to have a healthy relationship with you. I'm sure it's not impossible for some, but I've seriously lost respect and trust for my ex....which is sad because I'm still on very good terms with his family (not contacting any of them rn though), and a few of them (his father especially) were adamant that (1) none of this was my fault, and (2) he loves me, but he doesn't love himself enough to have a healthy romantic relationship with me.

sapc2 · 2020-09-01T13:58:24+00:00

There's no porn in our marriage whatsoever. I used to not care, but my husband's use of porn was addictive in nature and severely impacted our actual sex life, so we agreed on no more porn.

It really takes a lot of uncertainty out of relationships, I think.

2020-09-01T15:42:56+00:00

If he watched it all the time, it probably would bother me. But he watches it rarely and I've never caught him doing it. I think I watch more porn than him. I consume a heck of a lot more if reading erotica counts.

I can see, however, why other women might be bothered by their guy watching porn. If it's a rare thing and he watches fairly tame stuff and it's not affecting how he treats you, it's one thing. But if a dude is watching really violent stuff and then wants to bring all that choking/spitting on you stuff into the bedroom, that's concerning.

Porn doesn't bother me, but for all the problems it can cause when taken too far, I don't blame the women who insist on porn free relationships.

bittersweet311 · 2020-09-01T14:29:59+00:00

Not only is porn essentially watching other women (and men) fornicating but there is substantial evidence that the vast majority of porn videos depict people with a wide variety of circumstances such as:

People who are underage but advertised as 18+
People who have been sex trafficked (both adults and minors)
People who are underpaid overworked sex workers
People who are only in porn acting because they are in financially tough times and have no other way to make money
People who are doing porn because they are victims of childhood trauma, rape or abusive relationships and they use porn making as a coping mechanism due to their distorted view of sex that their experiences have inflicted upon them
People who don’t have knowledge of a video being uploaded of them on the internet (mainly amateur videos have this issue, otherwise known as revenge porn)
People who were actually raped in the video where they didn’t consent to something or perhaps were under the influence of drugs or alcohol and couldn’t decline when they would’ve otherwise

These are just some of many examples.

Additionally, I don’t see how any spouse, husband or wife, has the need to watch someone other than their partner getting fucked (like seriously, why, if you’re satisfied in your relationship you wouldn’t be interested) especially when porn is usually derived from ethically deplorable circumstances that often have illegal components to it. For a spouse to seek sexual gratification in something like this... is a big turn off for me personally. Anyone with a moral compass would never try to justify watching porn. It doesn’t make you clingy or insecure to not want your spouse to watch a fake tittied trauma victim getting pounded by a 12 inch fake dick that would undoubtedly cause cervical bleeding and pain for days once the show is over. Anyone who tries to make you feel guilty for having standards, is not worth keeping around.

doublericecake · 2020-09-01T14:08:03+00:00

Totally against it.

FleetingWish · 2020-09-02T20:20:38+00:00

My stance is I don't tell him what to do.

venaby · 2020-09-01T13:46:40+00:00

It only would become a problem to me if:

A. He was suddenly unhappy with anything sexual/physical about me, our sex life, or our relationship and it seemed to be only due to his porn watching and unjustified (this is not him gently helping me/wanting me to eat healthier if I gained a lot of weight and he’s concerned. Key is unjustified - ex. I have average breasts our whole relationship and suddenly out of the blue he mentions getting plastic surgery)

B. He ever compared me or our sex life to porn (this would be huge-unrealistic standards, I want him to like me for me and not want me to act like a random porn star)

C. He would rather spend time watching porn than quality time with me (if it suddenly cut into our normal quality time together -I’m not talking about a random 12am night when he’s up late)

D. This is obvious, but if he becomes addicted to it. He can no longer climax with me alone, it affects his health, job, responsibilities because he spends too much time watching it/is consumed by it that it changes who he is.

E. Forgot to add: if he watched content that I found extremely disturbing. Murder, bodily harm, animals, whatever else is out there lol

2020-09-01T14:59:07+00:00

We agreed, when we were dating, that once we started having sex, neither of us would watch porn. There are morality issues for us, like the predatory and destructive nature of the industry, but it's more about practicality. Porn addiction ruins marriages. Why risk it?

We've now been together for five years, married for three. Neither of us has broken this agreement in that time and I think he would actually be more upset than I would if that changed. We have an open tech agreement. We share passwords and are free to access each other's everything. We don't really do it often, because we trust each other, but it's a long standing agreement.

kneesofthetrees · 2020-09-01T16:28:33+00:00

We’re both against it and choose not to consume any type of porn.

DunboyCastleInTheSky · 2020-09-01T12:13:02+00:00

That’s fine but when he has that stuff on his social media, that’s when it becomes a problem.

Lil_Snulli · 2020-09-01T12:27:35+00:00

I have my own reservations on porn, but came to the conclusion that just because I don't watch it doesn't mean I need to restrict my partners' access to it(unless it became a full blown addiction).

It's more adjusting to the fact that even back then men always had some sort of pornographic material, it's just far more accessible and mainstream now.

xoxobenji · 2020-09-01T11:52:27+00:00

Don’t really care. If he watches it he’ll usually tell me but even if he didn’t it wouldn’t really matter to me. Now if he’s into some really really out there stuff then maybe it might be an issue.

zino193 · 2020-09-02T04:00:37+00:00

I think it's toxic, that being said - I think women moralizing men on how they get their nut is even more toxic.

You don't own his sexuality, he has no obligation to suppress any sexual urge that doesn't involve you.

In my experience the woman that feels she can be replaced by a screen are just plain frigid and justifiably insecure as they are nothing more than masturbating their partners with their body.

Yes, there are plenty of fucked up men, on the PMO dopamine threadmill - but as red pilled people - we know men can just as easily be hooked into the relationship emotional threadmill, especially blue pill boys that just want someone to care for them and give them a inch of female validation.

And that's what these women that hate on men getting themselves off without them want - control over their men.

PreciousMuffn · 2020-09-01T18:26:37+00:00

Not for me anymore. My first marriage ended due to porn/sex addiction and I'm thankful my current husband opted to delete his whole stash he'd collected off and on for 20 years when we started dating. I didn't even ask him to, but he felt he no longer wanted any "back ups" and wanted to put all of his sexual and romantic energy into us. ❤️

2020-09-01T15:05:53+00:00

I'd never date a guy that watches porn, let alone marry one. It is gross, creates unrealistic standards for men, rewires their brain to only be aroused by perfect-looking women performing niche acts, leads to fetishism (I'm all in for preferences, like becoming very aroused by, say, female underwear, breasts, bums or legs, but if that becomes the only way for a man to get off, there's an issue), can cause erectile dysfunction (especially if it's combined with excessive masturbation), as well as several other issues, like the fact that many actors are victims of human trafficking, or the videos depicting them having sex were uploaded without their consent.

nocreativity729 · 2020-09-01T16:47:36+00:00

Honestly I don’t really care. Does my boyfriend watch porn? Yes. If anything, I’m happy he respects me enough to not just call and say “you up” whenever he feels horny. Now if it’s some every day, takes breaks during the work day, watches porn instead of having sex with me when I am available.... that’s an issue. But porn itself is not a problem

Mewster1818 · 2020-09-01T17:03:18+00:00

It's not a big deal to me because my husband doesn't watch porn, nor do I. That said I would find it disrespectful with him watching other women for sexual pleasure and I would expect him to feel similarly if roles were reversed.

There is one exception that I did tell him. If there are any fantasies or things he wants to try, I am fine with him showing me porn clips of those things. Ultimately I am fine with trying new things, and some things just are much more simple to figure out with a visual to look at. He's never made use of that policy though, but it's on the table if he ever wants to try something new in the future.

BubblegumBunnie · 2020-09-04T01:12:44+00:00

My stance is if he’s spending all night lusting over other women’s bodies, I’m out.

Succotash-Still · 2020-09-04T20:04:34+00:00

When I met my husband I made it clear at the very beginning that porn had no place in any relationship I would pursue.

It was up to him to choose whether that was a condition he could live with, or whether he would rather just walk away.

Luckily for me, my husband shares my values and sees Pornography it as morally wrong. We are conservative christians.

He struggled giving up porn throughout the beginning of our relationship and We had a couple of bumpy months. Not so much because he watched it, but because he lied about it.

To me pornography is cheating and I expect my husband to reserve his sexuality for me, as I will reserve myself for him. Of course I know he is not blind and will notice and appreciate other women’s beauty and I have no problem with that whatsoever.

Fidelity aside I also think the way porn is curated and created is often under morally reprehensible circumstances and I find it unethical and often times incredibly degrading for women.

Title	Porn
Author	bluebirdsandhappynes
Upvotes	10
Comments	35
Date	September 1, 2020 11:39 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/ikio9l/porn/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/porn.172984 https://theredarchive.com/post/172984

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