Provider mindset

pieorstrudel5 · 2024-07-02T10:37:06+00:00

At the early stages of dating - is this something you can ask less overt questions to determine? I understand not wanting to waste anyone's time. But I feel like you should get enough of the basics 3-6 dates to get his drift. I think sometimes we forget to enjoy dating and to focus on creating connections. The rest has a way of working it's self out.

Maybe you talk about your goals as a wife/mother and focus on looking at his answers.

"i want to have the flexibility to be there for my future kids." - show you want to stay home, but if you have to work you want it to be something that lets you pick up your kids at 3.

I haven't had enough coffee to think of other examples. I'll come back and edit! 🙃

AnonTheGreat01 · 2024-07-02T09:44:24+00:00

Gold digger has such a negative connotation because it refers to women who only like men for their money, and for them, it's their #1 priority, above everything else.

There's a vast difference between that and someone who wants a financially stable partner.

I like to know that my man has my back and I can rely on him and he is happy to support me financially if I ever needed the help.

This is fine as long as you have your shit together yourself, or demonstrate similar commitment in another area (men and women are complementary after all, and you don't have to reciprocate in the same area).

Only thing I can guarantee is that no self-respecting, successful man is going to date a leech.

PillUpAss · 2024-07-02T10:58:00+00:00

Providing is a beta male trait that you must earn when dealing with a man who has options (aka the top 10-20%). It is not in his interest to provide too much by default. That’s one of the core tenets of red pill and even just anyone with value who has tried to date in the West - men are careful to provide only to those worthy of it. Understand, to do this, we are suppressing our instincts.

So let’s flip this, how do you inspire him to want to provide? It’s a natural male instinct, so it shouldn’t be that hard, right?

Ironically, simple feminine qualities such as being submissive, non-argumentative, dressing like a lady, being in-shape, being charming, etc. are very effective. Get him out of his head and into his body. Make him feel alive. That is your job.

The challenge here is Western society has taught women to suppress their femininity- their most powerful tool. And instead try to pretend to be men. Most men of value are polarized by this. Getting provisioning out of them with a masculine approach will be impossible, especially if you ask directly!

So the answer is to be feminine and let him enjoy your company instead of feeling like he’s being interrogated and shaken down. Men that respond well to your femininity and start WANTING to provide (not just paying so you don’t complain) are a good match. Those that don’t, aren’t. Think of it like nature’s filtering mechanism.

Quick RP theory for you: nature works this way to also help the man filter out what would have been a poor mother to his children.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2024-07-02T14:17:14+00:00

Question, are you dating in an English-speaking country? If not, what country/culture are you? That could help us advise you on phrasing.

Fresh_Result8428 · 2024-07-02T18:25:07+00:00

Hun when a man is a provider you don’t even have to explain it to him. If he was raised by a father that provided he knows that he must provide because he was raised with an example. My advice would be to observe his behavior and don’t mention it. Does he pay for dates?, once you guys transition to relationship status, will he cash app you money for gas, food or just because? Will he pay for maintenance on your car, will he pay your cell phone bill without you asking (these are things I equate to being a provider)etc. I have a provider but I’ve always attracted men who would provide, but lacked in other areas (not affectionate or romantic, secretive etc.) I don’t ask for anything. I also paid attention to the men that I dated attitude towards spending money, & the moment he came off as cheap, to me that equated to “not interested in investing in me” and I cut them off. Men who like/love you and see a future in you will be happy to provide because to them they are investing and it makes them feel masculine. Real men know that one of their duties is to provide, no need to explain or ask them to do so!

Disastrous_East_7100 · 2024-07-03T01:21:24+00:00

The best way to find a partner is to make yourself as attractive as possible.

Clinical psychologist Dr. Jordan B. Peterson suggests asking, How can I offer everything I can to a partner? or How can I make myself the perfect date? instead of What do I want in a partner?

There are several reasons why this approach is right. First, it helps you easily answer the last question of what you want in a partner. Second, it positions you to attract the partner you want because knowing what you want doesn't mean you can get it (Not u r/NegativeWolverine707, I’m sure u’re capable of getting what u want). Third, you might find purpose in improving yourself to become a better partner once you're in a relationship.

Peterson also mentions some drawbacks to this approach, such as the risk of being taken advantage of by giving more than you receive. His solution is to be brave and trusting, regardless of past experiences, because it's the best way to bring out the best in your partner.

In conclusion, strive to be the perfect date by offering everything you can to a partner. This is a lifelong pursuit. Be brave and trusting, but not naive. This way, you'll figure out the kind of partner you're looking for and likely end up with them.

bathroomcypher · 2024-07-02T09:20:57+00:00

I’m the same, but I don’t feel any need to

try explaining this to men I date

Not sure what you do in life but if you have a profitable career no one will think you are a gold digger.

I describe myself as “old fashioned”. I expect men to pay, with guy friends too - although I’m fine with splitting the bill and obviously fine with cheap dates if the guy isn’t wealthy.

I had dates with 2€ cold beer from the supermarket, or burger king dinners, but I’m not paying.

I was shocked when I found out my ladies friends argue with men when it comes to paying the bill. Of course you should find a man who loves taking care of his woman and spoil her, this can’t and shouldn’t be forced.

LuceroAbigail · 2024-07-03T02:46:11+00:00

I believe that each person should maintain themselves. When you care about someone, that's when the gifts and attention come. The important thing is to have a nice relationship and then see that both are eager to advance and grow as individuals. Each couple has its own identity, and each man behaves differently with different women. Focus on ensuring that he is a good person and that you share the same values; the rest will come without asking for it.

AnonishCath · 2024-07-03T02:35:27+00:00

I like generous men who love to support his partner in every aspect while I do the same for him

I think this is a great way of putting it! Just instead of saying the word “provider,” just say you like to be taken care of.

manolosandmartinis44 · 2024-07-03T06:34:09+00:00

Leading with something like, "I want to fulfill your needs for x, y, or z and should I need x, y, or z, can you do the same?"

VasiliyZaitzev · 2024-07-04T12:47:13+00:00

I would use the term “giver” and I would also recommend pointing out that you are a “giver” as well - but only if you really are. I’m giving you the benefits of the doubt because he wrote. “while I do the same for him.”

The problem with being a provider these days as you get slaughtered. a quarter to a third of women have gone on dates with guys they have zero interest in just for the free food.

Jessica Sporty may not have invented the “foodie call“ but she raised it to an art form. Her salary in New York City wasn’t cutting it for her so she joined two or three dating sites, went on a number of dates with guys, but would always cut it off after three or five dates when he might start have expectations that she was sincere about forming a relationship with him, and went to a bunch of places she never could afford it all on the guys’ tab. That’s one thing if a girl is sincere about you as a dating partner, but entirely another if she’s just using the guy for the experience. Sporty bragged on Good Morning America that she “saved” more than $1200 a month by basically duping guys. Except she didn’t save that money, she extracted it from an unwitting “provider.”

See also Olivia Balsinger.

Neither Sporty nor Balsinger think they did anything wrong by the way, as opposed to say “being awful.“Sporty described herself as a “traditional girl“ and talked about her grandmother. The problem is I’m fairly sure that her grandmother didn’t have to keep his spreadsheet to make sure she didn’t go out with a guy “too many times“ because he might think that she was actually interested in them.

Now you understand why a lot guys prefer coffee dates these days.

And I get it, it sux for actually sincere, traditional women, but this is what you’re up against these days ladies. It sux for us too.

chodmode2 · 2024-07-02T20:56:32+00:00

When I say this I mean all recourses he has to offer -money, time, attention, affection, care and love.

This translates to "I'm looking for a financial and emotional ATM".

I’m happy to pay my share with a partner. I like being independent financially.

Then continue to do this. Once you earn his commitment, are serious about family and plan to have kids, thats when you discuss this. At the same time, don't bring up the "50:50" thing. Let him pay sometimes, you offer to pay sometimes.

The first rule of RP - never talk about RP ideas with your dates/partner, esp in modern society. Live it, but never talk about it (until the time is right).

AutoModerator · 2024-07-02T08:45:22+00:00

Title: Provider mindset

Author NegativeWolverine707

Full text: Hi ladies, I would love to seek your help with something I have been thinking about.

English is my second language and that is why.

One of the traits I look for in a man to be my partner is having a provider mindset. When I say this I mean all recourses he has to offer -money, time, attention, affection, care and love. I like generous men who love to support his partner in every aspect while I do the same for him.

When I try explaining this to men I date, I struggle with how to word it so that it doesn’t come across as “gold digger”.

In fact I am opposite from being with anyone for money. I’m happy to pay my share with a partner. I have most certainly almost always been. I like being independent financially.

However, I would like a man who has this strong mindset of providing and looking after his lady. I like to know that my man has my back and I can rely on him and he is happy to support me financially if I ever needed the help.

Hope it makes sense. Does anyone feel the same? I cant articulate this well.

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Title	Provider mindset
Author	NegativeWolverine707
Upvotes	17
Comments	48
Date	July 2, 2024 8:45 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1dth1z3/provider_mindset/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/provider-mindset.1522981 https://theredarchive.com/post/1522981

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