Question for/about men

I_Link_Subs · 2020-02-07T07:49:33+00:00

I'm a happily married man with two daughters. I have the same urge to provide for, and protect my daughters as I do for my wife. There is no "special treatment" that I give to my daughters that I don't also provide my wife. My wife, however, is my life partner. Eventually, my daughters will leave, and it will just be me and my wife. I always remember that, and thet's why my wife is "First among equals" as far as I'm concerned.

I love my daughters unconditionally, but eventually they will find their own man to look after them. I'm just striking a balance between giving them their independance and keeping them safe until that happens, while also displaying the qualities they should look for in a man.

I doubt this answered your question the way you would have liked, but it's hard to put into words.

2020-02-07T11:52:13+00:00

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AngelFire_3_14156 · 2020-02-07T15:41:50+00:00

If I may, I would like to recommend a book that my husband is reading right now, called "Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters" by Meg Meeker, MD. I've thumbed through it also.

The author advocates that strong masculine, loving and engaged father is an excellent role model for a girl, especially when she gets into her middle school and teenage years.

trumpasaurus_erectus · 2020-02-07T17:15:10+00:00

My wife and I have our fifth child on the way and this baby will be our fourth girl. I make it a point to raise them all the same, personalities notwithstanding. That said, there are a ton of similarities in the love I have for my children and the love for my wife. I'd protect them as much as I'm able, I encourage both the kids and my wife to keep trying to reach whatever goals they have. Those sorts of things are about it though.

This might change as my children get older, but my wife is my best friend, without a doubt. I can confide in her some of my deepest problems in a way that I could never explain to my children, even perhaps when they reach adulthood. I can't interact with my kids that way for obvious reasons. Yes, things changed after we became baby-making machines, but the love and respect I have for my wife has only gotten deeper over the years. I do notice that they all miss me when I'm gone though. Especially now, since I'm deployed to Iraq and had to dodge Iranian missiles!

Narrow_Power · 2020-02-07T06:57:56+00:00

Once she arrives she will be the centre of his universe until she's 16 and she doesn't want to be anymore

He is experiencing a new kind of love he hadn't known about. He is proud and humbled at the same time looking at his daughter, who is his greatest source of strength and weakness.

As she grows up A man would want to be role model that she can look up to as a benchmark for future husband/boyfriend He will most likely consider exercising and eating healthier.

Somewhere down the line there's the painful realisation that he is going to be investing his time energy and resources into another mans future. Hence its paramount that the wife be his support system during the teenage year's as these are the toughest times for a man.

The daughter becomes the recipient of all the love and affection that the man receives from his wife.

There is a lot going on inside the anxious mans brain worrying & planning out a future for his daughter, to provide and protect her. He will try to make the most of every moment he can spend with her to leave memories that last after he has given her away in marriage💍👑👫👰

baby--bunny · 2020-02-07T18:07:56+00:00

Not a dad but just wanted to chime in and say congrats!!!! I am in a similar position, I am pregnant with our first baby, also a girl. My fiance was a bit "meh" about the pregnancy in general (it was not planned). He wassupportive of me just sort of uninterested in baby until we found out it was a girl. Now it seems like his whole attitude had changed and he has snapped into full on Dad mode lol. I think part of it is of course knowing the sex, having a bit more personhood, a name, etc. But he is just so much more tender, talks to my belly sometimes and gives it a little kiss, etc. He is and always has been quite protective of me, but does expect some element of independence as I am an adult and his partner lol. I expect he will be a bit more lenient with that towards an actual baby.

Popeman79 · 2020-02-07T15:34:52+00:00

My love for my partner and my love for my daughter are way closer than I would have thought.

My partner is (willingly) almost like another daughter to me sometimes: she takes refuge in me, I lead her, teach her and protect her. Obviously my partner supports me and stands by my side in a way my daughter doesn't have to, and in the end it will be just me and her.

I see it as something positive, in the sense that my daughter grows up with the experience of being around 'a real man', but also with the example that my partner gives her of how to react to such a man, how to develop her own personality and stand her ground, and how to be feminine in her own way. In this sense, they are both very much 'allies' in opposition to the masculine polarity that I represent. For example she teaches her the contradictory views of respecting a man, but also learning how men can be weak in their own, different ways, and how to heal/correct that. She teaches her when to bug us, and when to leave us alone. She teaches her when to listen to her emotions, and when to ignore them. etc.

Hope it helps. Congrats!

PhaedrusHunt · 2020-02-07T16:14:17+00:00

I'm not with my children's mother anymore so it's kind of tricky for me to say.

I remember reading in a psychology book that men tend to have a stronger bond to their wives than to their children.

So when I was still with my ex-wife I remember feeling kind of strange about that-- I loved my kids way more than I loved their mother and it wasn't even close.

But that was a different time and world, different place in my life. I'm remarried but I'm really crazy about my wife now. We don't have kids that are planning on it but I can't imagine It being anything like it was previously.

werthtrillions · 2020-02-07T19:44:02+00:00

The way that you wrote this out had me thinking that YOU feel worried about the role in your husband's life when your daughter arrives, almost as if you will be competing with her for his attention/ special place in his heart. I could be completely off (it's just an intriguing observation) but it is interesting that when you listed the similarities you'll have with your daughter you put yourself in the child-like role instead of a partner like role (who has equal power/importance) you listed: both dependent, both provided for by him, and both adore him and that may all be true, but as a partner you're providing more to him than just sex, you're providing emotional intimacy and support. I understand that you're "wondering what his feelings about her will be," but my question is why? You say he checks all the boxes off for an ideal husband which would include ideal father. So, are you really wondering what his feelings about her will be or are you actually wondering what his feelings about you will be when she arrives? I might be totally misreading this, so please disregard it if that's the case, but sometimes our conscious isn't ready to confront or deal with what we're feeling subconsciously and to me it seems like subconsciously you're worried about being downgraded in his life when your daughter comes along. And if that's the case, is it your insecurities that have you feeling this way or is there something in his actions that are cause for concern?

LateralThinker13 · 2020-02-12T18:14:36+00:00

Wife is partner, teammate, lover, companion, and other half.

Child is potential, innocence, wonder, unlimited possibility, and the future.

Two totally different things. Hugely different. Yes, he will love and care for both of you. But his sexual expression should obviously be solely towards you, while his mentoring and teaching urge will be almost solely towards the child.

Men are leaders. Nowhere will you see this more than in how they mentor, lead, and teach their children. He may share wisdom with you, but rare is the relationship where the husband is truly a mentor and teacher to the wife unless she's much younger than he is.

SpaceBollzz · 2020-02-07T09:20:35+00:00

My daughter is the centre of my world, everything revolves around her.

There's also a strong need to protect, she's only 3 but I can't wait to meet her first boyfriend so I can terrorise him. I'll come up with ways to test his worthiness.

The father of my first gf did this to me and I'll never forget, he was an arsehole to me but with the best intentions.

WhiteMos · 2020-02-07T16:45:04+00:00

It's the same but it's different.

The protecting/providing/nurturing aspect is all there but we do it in different ways. Just the simple fact that our children need different kinds of the things mentioned above than our wives do.

dctrmoose · 2020-02-17T04:00:26+00:00

I just thought I would put in my 2 cents. I am a married 42 year old man, wife is 31 and we have a daughter on the way. I am also red pilled / ex MGTOW. I love my wife so much. She is a genuine feminine woman that allowed me the opportunity to be vulnerable and loving again. She means everything to me. I don’t know what to expect because I’ve never been a father but I will protect and provide for my daughter as long as I live. The only thing I want to instill in her is to not use her looks/feminine charm to use men. I want to treat her like a princess but make sure she is not a little brat that manipulates people.

redditblowsdonkydong · 2020-02-07T19:57:55+00:00

If I lost my daughter I'd tell them to dig 2 graves. She has brought such a light and a joy to my life. I love to teach her, to read to her, tell her jokes, play pranks, sing with her, make her things, take her fishing, anything really. My wife is separate from me, but into our daughter, we can both pour the very best of ourselves. Her size and strength and laugh are mine, her beautiful features and tiny voice she gets from Mom.

2020-02-07T19:14:27+00:00

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Savage_Vandal · 2020-02-17T18:47:11+00:00

You are going to be likely disappointed at the start. There were some studies a while back that men have a slow time forming an attachment to their children. This is deeply wired into women, because if it isn't babies would probably have a hard time surviving at all.

So if you have your man giving odd looks to your kid and you are thinking - omg I'm going to explode with emotions, and he is looking at his child as if its a glorified poop factory.

It is fairly regular. Especially guys that are less emotional or have been stomped back into nothingness, they feel less. They need time to form those bonds.

sonder_one · 2020-02-07T17:13:05+00:00

Orthodox Red Pill teaches that men love women, women love children, and children love puppies.

For men, this saying is designed to convey the fact that the "unconditional love" that blue pill men expect from women will not exist; women's affection for men is based on their embodiment of masculine traits, which means that affection will disappear if said traits disappear. The harshness of this reality is softened by the declaration that women are not completely heartless, as they do indeed express unconditional love, but to their children, not their men.

Women can also learn from this expression as they battle their difficult children. Children often express little affection at all for their parents, and only come to them when they need something. The relationship between mother and child resembles the relationship between men and women. If you're offended by this as a woman, I suggest considering your relationship with your parents as you raise your own children. Being on both sides helps you appreciate the Red Pill saying.

So then, what of men and their children? Their relationship isn't covered by the saying.

It goes without saying that men care their children, but do they have the same sort of unconditional, uncontrollable affection that mothers have? I'd guess not - that affection is reserved for their women. Anecdotally, it sure seems like fathers are more likely to stop speaking to bad children than mothers are; if children are estranged from their mothers it was usually the child's decision.

But having less unconditional affection shouldn't be confused with being a less important part of the child's life. CNN ran a big story years ago (wish I could find it again) reporting that children raised by single fathers have life outcomes closer to those of two-parent children than those of single-mother children, suggesting that the father is the more important parent in terms of children turning out well. Of course, this was feminist CNN, so they spun the story as an attack on "absentee fathers", but the lesson remains.

The biological urge to reproduce is powerful, and being able to provide for and protect one's family is an extremely powerful part of the masculine psyche. I wouldn't worry too much about the different ways that it manifests; the important thing is that your man is going to take care of you.

ATrueLady · 2020-02-07T17:49:00+00:00

We have a son but my husband said if we end up having a daughter he’s gonna spoil her vs our son who’s gonna have to man up. Example is girl wants money to go to the mall he said we should give it to her but if our son wants money he’s gonna have to work in the machine shop for my husband to earn it. Another example is that if daughter gets flat tire we’d come help her or have aaa come but son is on his own and needs to learn how to change his own tire.

Not sure I agree with this. I don’t want a spoiled daughter, but I can understand that working in the machine shop probably isn’t for her.. but like she could work somewhere else? Also I feel like if we have a daughter who is spoiled it would create resentment between my son and her.

Edited to add that my husband also spoils me. I feel lucky hes so kind and generous to me, but he’s made it clear he wants our son to learn to be a man.

Throwaway230306 · 2020-02-07T22:44:47+00:00

I asked my husband how he feels about me versus our daughter and he said, "I dunno, you're both kind of a hassle!" 😂

But seriously, he added that there's not much difference in me vs our daughter vs our sons--he feels responsible for the safety and well-being of the entire family. Maybe even less so for me, because I'm an adult and can take care of myself, but the kids can't.

I personally suspect that his feelings may change to become more protective our our daughter as she gets into her teens. With young kids--ours are 6 and under--he said he's reacting more to their individual personalities and specific needs than gender.

badbadmittens · 2020-02-07T08:14:00+00:00

[removed]

Title	Question for/about men
Author	hobbithomemaker
Upvotes	46
Comments	45
Date	February 7, 2020 6:16 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/f06grr/question_forabout_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/question-forabout-men.330996 https://theredarchive.com/post/330996

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