This one woman...

Pola_Lita · 2021-12-09T01:42:38+00:00

Am I missing something, or is this group of men being controlled by one woman to socialize without their partners against their will?? Or it's your husband only?

Added to that, when they do gather together, they mainly focus their attention on this woman even though they think she's weird? When this woman flirts, do these men flirt back? Does your husband flirt back?

Just on what you've written, your description of the situation doesn't make a lot of sense. At least in the male willingness and participation part of things.

Whatever the situation, though, you still need to tell your husband flat-out that you don't like it when he attends these gatherings and it seriously hurts your feelings. Don't say weaselly things like "wouldn't your friends like me?" and stop making assumptions about the other wives or babysitters or what's wrong with that woman's character or any other thing that's really just dancing around an issue that's obviously important to you and ought to be important to him.

Do tell him what you are *feeling* toward this woman as well as what seems to you he should be feeling, but apparently isn't. Remember these aren't facts, though, nor should they be offered as accusations. The problem here is the way your husband's behavior is making you feel and why. NOT this woman's actions or shortcomings or, for all you can really know about it, what she thinks about other women.

You + your husband. Only. Be honest with him and if your history together supports it, trust him to be honest with you.

mama_wren · 2021-12-09T15:54:11+00:00

Do this. The next time she invites the guys out, you invite all the partners INCLUDING her fiancee to a night out too. Pick a different restaurant. Maybe go so far as to have a meet up location where you can all reconnect your partners.

LateralThinker13 · 2021-12-08T21:08:51+00:00

What do they all do together? If it's innocent, ask husband "Do you think I'd enjoy it?" You probably will. So then ask, "Can I come?"

When the woman says no, ask why. Press. This is not normal or healthy, and your husband should have an issue with you being excluded. "I feel left out" would be my response. "I enjoy doing things with you" is another.

If it was some activity that you don't enjoy it would be one thing. But this sounds like an insecure woman maintaining a stable of beta orbiters and flexing her so-called feminine power. Not buying it.

EDIT: Alternately, prohibit her from any activities where you're present. "I treat all others as they treat me. If she rejects me from her presence for no good reason, I shall do the same to her." I don't get why your husband finds her behavior acceptable instead of insecure, juvenile, and insulting.

laurathnxoxo · 2021-12-08T20:19:42+00:00

I would leave it as is. I know it is hard but you are better than that and if you try to act against it you are looking a bit childish (imho) and you will push him away from you because your actions will kind of push him away from the group.... because what do you want to achieve? Him not meeting her in the group anymore? That will look kind of off and you will look jealous infront his friends which i feel like is not a good trait and also you will maybe give her exactly what she wants: your jealousy. So just remember: he is with you beautiful lady for a reason, not her. He finds her behaviour off too. So just let her be the attention seeking woman and you be the fine lady he fell inlove with =)

KombuchaEnema · 2021-12-08T21:25:10+00:00

Does your husband want you to attend these gatherings?

If so, why is he allowing a woman to stomp all over his wants and needs? It would be one thing if his male friends didn’t want you there. But why is your husband submitting to a female?

That’s…not high-value behavior to me. I would be more concerned about that than the idea of him cheating.

Now, obviously if she’s arranging the event, she gets to decide who is or isn’t invited. But if she’s preventing you from coming to events that are group-arranged, I’m shocked that an entire group of men are allowing her to dominate the rules and regulations of these gatherings. If they’re constantly deferring to her, then there’s definitely a flirty component here. They aren’t keeping her around because they respect her as a friend, but because she’s fun and flirty and hot.

I don’t know. Something about it seems off to me. I understand wanting “just guys” time or “just girls” time, but their group is already male/female. The fact that they all choose to ban their partners feels…weird to me. Like they’re trying to preserve the dynamic where she flirts with all of them to feed their egos and they enjoy the eye candy and the good time.

I would ask about it in a non-accusatory way. Do they all agree to the no-partners rule, or is she the only one who wants no partners and they’re just allowing it? That would be my question.

sottera777 · 2021-12-08T21:52:06+00:00

To me, this girl seems like bad news. If I was arranging a group hangout and it’s mostly guys I would definitely invite the wives and encourage them to come along. What the heck does she even mean by it’s not another halfs kind of thing??

I say this because I know a woman exactly like this within my social network and yes she does relish in the attention of a group of guys where there is no wives around. She is definitely “not a girl’s girl” and is definitely “one of the guys”… her exact words 😂 she is most definitely a pick-me. She’d also been passed around within the social circle too (ew). She would arrange golf excursions with her and a bunch of married dudes but no wives invited… I dont have a man but if I did I would most definitely not let him golf with her. If that’s controlling, oh well 😂

TheBunk_TB · 2021-12-08T22:24:07+00:00

He needs to be alarmed too. She sounds like someone who couldn’t compete in the “arms race” game. I’m not sure if it is her way of competing but her artificially created pool of lap dogs gives her some validation.

purplepansy88 · 2021-12-13T13:37:47+00:00

I would insist on coming along, I would meet her and get to know her. See what she's all about.

YaBruhAhmed · 2021-12-09T14:48:03+00:00

This is not okay Don't put up with it.

AntiVictimhood · 2021-12-09T16:57:04+00:00

This is really suspicious.

Firstly, I'd say to trust your gut. Especially if you're not the jealous type, if you feel off about one woman there is usually good reason.

Secondly, if you've brought this up to your husband and he agrees that she's annoying and flirty, why does he continue to hang out with her? If he acknowledges these things, why does he keep the company of people like that? I'd place the responsibility on your husband despite the fact that this woman sounds shady.

Third, the isolation element is most concerning. I think it's pretty normal that a group of friends would have some occasions where it was just the core friend group. But especially as a married couple, it's really abnormal that this woman would insist on not bringing significant others and that your husband would comply. Usually, excluding significant others means there is a reason for it. When my friends and I have a girls night, we tend to discuss our relationships and share details that we wouldn't share if the men were around. I do find it odd that their friend group is all male and then one woman. What role does she play? What purpose does she serve? Does she have a thing with another man in the group?

Obviously her preferences are not in your control, but if I was in your position I would push harder on your husband. Why is this one woman the group tyrant? Why can't he go against her wishes and bring you? Even if she says "no significant others", violate that rule and see what happens. You're all adults. And if your husband wanted you to come, there is nothing stopping him other than the preferences of this one friend. Which is really not sufficient, and should not override your wishes and feelings.

As much as this woman is suspicious and I don't trust her based on the information you've provided, I think you need to place the onus of responsibility on your husband. He is choosing to comply with her wishes. If I was in your position, ask him to join and attend a "no significant others" event. Tell him you want to come- even if it's just for one outing. That way you can get a better sense of the group dynamic, and inquire why the dynamic might be tense if you're there.

As your husband, he has more loyalties to you and your preferences than that of a friend. And I don't see how bringing you at least once is any real inconvenience for him.

Title	This one woman...
Author	wherethew1ldth1ngsr
Upvotes	23
Comments	22
Date	December 8, 2021 8:09 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/rbzshx/this_one_woman/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/this-one-woman.1087902 https://theredarchive.com/post/1087902

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