Thoughts on "slut shaming"?

VigilantRedRooster · 2016-11-17T17:33:54+00:00

Dating in the 30s and 40s is more challenging when you're seeking commitment and not casual sex. The pool of men tends to be experienced at dating and game, and jaded and cautious from a long history of bad relationship behavior.

I'm here to assure you, men looking for long-term commitment, and who savor a longer courtship process over quick sex do exist. Perhaps it's your recruiting and selecting process that can use a tune-up, so let's talk about that. How are you meeting these men?

An historical sidetrack here. Feminism gets a lot of well deserved flak here, but I'd like to go back to the origins of the anti-slut-shaming aspect of it. In the 50s, right before the pill, sexual revolution, and second-wave feminism, my Mom's father left the family for his blonde bombshell young assistant. (This ended badly for him, ate a shotgun blast a few years later.) My grandmother married a good man a few years later, and they stayed together faithfully till death at age 92. However, her and my mom (age ~10) were held to blame for the situation and treated like pariahs. All of her little playmates shunned her, saying to her face the following: "I can't play with you anymore, because your Mom is a divorcee, so she will come and steal my Daddy away!" Totally unjust, and it psychologically harmed my Mom, with repercussions still sounding today literally half a century later. Events like this, not burgeoning hypergamy, were a big main driver for removing the automatic shame and shunning surrounding divorce and "slut shaming." I shake my head at the TRP men who casually insist we need to go back to pre-suffrage days to fix the worst problems of modern feminism.

RubyWooToo · 2016-11-17T17:03:55+00:00

I don't waste my time slut shaming because how other people choose to live their lives isn't my business. I also don't think that the greater availability of sex makes it harder for people to get married. If anything, it's made settling down easier. If all a guy wants is sex, he can go out and have it without getting into a relationship he never wanted in the first place. The guys who are interested in settling down will still find women with whom to settle down.

When I have a daughter, the argument I'm going to make against engaging in casual sex is that it will impair her vetting process by making her emotionally attached to a guy that she doesn't know well and hasn't yet secured a commitment from. Some women can compartmentalize, but most can't. It's basically the emotional equivalent of getting beer goggles: Your brain is so drunk on the bonding hormones that you mistake an ass clown wrapped in tinfoil for a knight in shining armor.

Gardrothard · 2016-11-17T17:36:25+00:00

I suggest you read The Manipulated Man. It's on TRP sidebar.

Society wasn't organized in a way that it was oppressing women, there are good reasons to believe those traditional values are just a big scam and manipulation women made.

You are completely right, slut shaming is helping women the most, not men. And yes, it's hard to keep a man when there's free sex all around.

But then again, most women these days lack other skills, such as cooking, cleaning, nurturing, being feminine. Most are glued to their phones and can't make any proper conversation. Sex is cheap these days, but that's because most women have nothing else to offer.

If you can offer other things then you're already in great advantage.

Almost all guys who tried to make me their plate came back knocking on my door. And always the same reasons : "Most girls are so painfully stupid, I swear I can't listen to them for even 5 min to get sex, you're smart. Can we go on a date and try to have a proper relationship?"

Bad_advice_for_free · 2016-11-17T16:34:35+00:00

Historically, vastly more slut shaming comes from women, as "sluts" reduce the SMV of all nearby women.

loneliness-inc · 2016-11-17T14:47:54+00:00

If sex isn't sacred, you can't complain when others have it casually. Why wouldn't they?

Sacred doesn't need to mean religiously sacred. Sure, some religions emphasize the sacredness of sex, but it doesn't need to be automatically associated with religion. If you place value on sex within a LTR (which is marriage without the document), and you look with disgust upon the act of randomly handing out sex to every passerby, then sex is indeed sacred to you.

It's always easy to whine about how hard it is to XYZ because of ABC, but this isn't productive. A better way would be to see the positives within the circumstance. In this case, it makes vetting so much easier. True, it comes along with rejection and/or failed attempts. But if a guy will ditch after the second date because you didn't drop your skirt, you'll be able to move right along without getting attached to him.

Slut shaming helps women because it helps keep standards in society. Any bad behavior can be more tamed or allowed to run more amuck based on how accepted or shamed that behavior is by others. Slut shaming is no different.

Willow-girl · 2016-11-17T15:40:55+00:00

I read a brilliant essay on this phenomenon awhile back (wish I'd bookmarked it!). The premise was that when most women 'hold out' for a commitment, most men will 'give in' and offer one in order to obtain sex, but when too many women break ranks and 'give up' sex without a commitment, it makes things much more difficult for the ones who 'hold out,' as the men have options elsewhere (as the OP points out).

So what's the solution? Damned if I know! But reading TRP a bit, it seems that a lot of guys (even the hardcore players on TRP!) eventually do become jaded by lots of casual sex and begin to want a deeper connection. (And then they want a unicorn, LOL.) Maybe the solution is simply to wait until a guy is done sowing his wild oats?

wantonton · 2016-11-17T21:09:04+00:00

I also understand that if I wanted to sleep around, I wouldn't want to be shamed for doing so.

This is a central logical fallacy of feminism and progressive leftism in general. Prior to stating the above, you laid out quite clearly how you believed being a "slut" actually harmed other women (by showing how it devalues other women's attempts to forge relationships). You then, in the above statement, show how you see nothing wrong in taking those harmful actions without consideration of their effects on other women while simultaneously asserting the position that those other women should not be allowed to take actions, slut shaming, without prioritizing how those actions will affect you.

If you are free to act without regard to others they should be free to act without regard to you.

bewareofmeg · 2016-11-17T21:09:59+00:00

I used to approve of and even participate in slut-shaming. Not because I thought it made it harder for me to get a man (I am an unintentional serial monogamist so I haven't been single much for over half my life), but because I did indeed consider sex special and just a had lesser regard for males OR females who just gave it away at the drop of a hat. Now that I'm older and met LOTS more people, I've discovered some people are perfectly happy (or, at least put on a good show of it) living their lives full of one-night-stands and still being relatively good, normal people.

As far as from a RPW standpoint, I can see the perks to slut-shaming. In my opinion, though, you can gain more from refraining from it and putting all that effort and focus into yourself, instead of someone else.

Capn_Underpants · 2016-11-19T05:31:02+00:00

Am I getting this right ? You're kind of thinking is their any arbitrage in it for you in shaming other women for their behavior ?

daezy357 · 2016-11-18T01:44:53+00:00

However, I also understand that if I wanted to sleep around, I wouldn't want to be shamed for doing so.

It is what it is. If what you're doing is wrong, you'll get shamed for it to put you back in line. I don't think the collective of women should be concerned with the wants of women who are sleeping around.

dottywine · 2016-11-18T19:14:08+00:00

I don't see the point in slut shaming. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to sleep around as long as you practice safe sex as that is a public health issue. But other than that, slut shaming is misogynistic and pointless.

[deleted] · 2016-11-17T15:10:49+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Rommel0502 · 2016-11-17T22:59:49+00:00

If a guy leaves you for not having sex with him after the second date, chances are he never looked at you for a LTR in the first place. If he did, having sex on the second date will almost assuredly eliminate the prospect of that happening.

LadyLumen · 2016-11-18T18:30:59+00:00

I think historically sexual rules for women weren't just enforced by men, but by other women afraid of younger ladies taking their husbands.

It's as Dave Chappelle said, we've depreciated the value of pussy.

deadsandsushi · 2016-11-21T18:30:57+00:00

Someone else's sexual decisions are none of my business. A woman can remain a virgin until marriage or have sex with a new man every week and it literally has no affect on my life and my decisions.

I don't believe woman need to keep themselves pure for a man who is sleeping around and decides to settle down, just like I don't think a man needs to wife up a promiscuous woman when she's ready to settle down. A man doesn't "deserve" a pure, virginal woman if he's promiscuous and a woman doesn't deserve an alpha male when she decides to settle down.

What sexual favors a woman gives to other men is not up to me. I can judge anyone but I cannot COERCE anyone to live by my judgment. I am childfree and both men and women judge me for that, which is fine, but they can't make me procreate.

Slut shaming does not help women as a whole. It just perpetuates nosiness and it promotes that idea that men can pump and dump hundreds of women and just "deserve" a pure woman when he wants to marry at 40. That's ridiculous.

Go ahead and slut shame if it makes you feel better, but it's immature and insecure. You can't control others.

[deleted] · 2016-11-17T14:55:11+00:00

I think waiting is good. I've read studies that show that people who have lots of casual sexual encounters are generally unhappier (and that applies to both men and women).

But at the same time... sexual compatibility is important in a relationship. You can be totally in love with someone and then find out you're sexually incompatible. It sucks but it's life.

So I think that yes, you should be picky with who you sleep with but it's also not a bad thing to try out different partners (within reason).

philthie · 2016-11-21T18:34:05+00:00

Give up on slut shaming. It's to late. The cats already out of the proverbial bag.

Rammlets · 2016-11-29T03:51:04+00:00

Slut shaming is good for the most part. It sets an example for young girls so they won't be more inclined to becoming a cc. But most parents don't really teach girls the consequences of becoming a slut so that's why there's so many of them nowadays. Also, I don't think it's a very good idea to just let yourself go just because you keep running into pigs. Find something else that makes you feel confident and don't stop looking for a good man. Don't reduce yourself to a cc. Women are pretty impulsive, so as long as you think and not just do, you'll be okay.

Mjrna · 2016-11-22T04:42:38+00:00

My opinion: Slut shaming is stupid, petty, and does not help anyone. It's not your business what consenting adults are doing in their bedrooms. If you don't like "slutty" behavior, then don't do it yourself, simple as that. Why waste your own time criticizing others or blaming them(...?) for things when you can put that time into improving yourself to begin with? Slut shaming reeks attention-seeking and validation-seeking to me. If you are comfortable with yourself and your own sex life you shouldn't feel an urge to slut shame.

That's just my general opinion, not aimed directly at you, OP.

Ravenclawset · 2016-11-26T22:29:24+00:00

There was a REALLY great post called something like "Sluts...and how not to be one". If you go to Top RPW posts you'll find it.

It gives a really interesting perspective to what exactly makes a woman a "slut", it really changed my perspective on slut shaming.

[deleted] · 2016-11-17T18:46:33+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Thoughts on "slut shaming"?
Author	j1389u4r89ehfu3h9823
Upvotes	4
Comments	35
Date	November 17, 2016 7:56 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5deo6y/thoughts_on_slut_shaming/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/thoughts-on-slut-shaming.86639 https://theredarchive.com/post/86639

Comments