Was I impulsive?

beemovienumber1fan · 2022-01-15T20:28:40+00:00

My husband told me the same a couple months into... Whatever it is we were doing lol. To be fair, he was right. I needed to work on myself a LOT. I still clung on, thinking our "friendship" would blossom into a relationship (we got along great but I had also put him on a pedestal). Then I got hurt (long story).

I backed off. Went to therapy, lost quite a bit of weight. He dated someone else in the meantime (properly dated, which he hadn't wanted to do with me). He was still drawn to me as a friend. Same for me. So we became friends again several months later. He came to appreciate all the changes I'd made, I watched as he made some real changes in his life as well, and well, now we're married lol.

Point being: if a guy tells you he doesn't want a relationship, stop dating him. No ill will. Just move on. My scenario is a strange fairytale that I couldn't replicate if I tried. The only thing you can do is decide to respect yourself enough to not be a placeholder. Thank him for the honesty and good times, and drop any expectation you had of this thing turning into more.

Conscious_Way444 · 2022-01-15T19:57:45+00:00

You made the right decision, because he’s likely not going to change his mind.

If you keep casually hooking up with him, you’re teaching him that you are satisfied with that dynamic.

uniq0rn_qlitter · 2022-01-15T19:58:24+00:00

LISTEN TO HIM. Men don’t usually lie about wanting to be friends especially after they have sex with you. Next time I would advise a commitment before you sleep with someone.

Also, don’t be jaded. There are so many men out there who are looking for a commitment with someone, who are capable of being faithful, and are looking to settle down. That is why it’s so important to vet a man before you commit yourself to him or sleep with him.

SunshineSundress · 2022-01-15T21:26:25+00:00

If a man is open and honest with you and tells you upfront that he isn’t interested in anything more with you, then believe him and move on. It is the right choice to let him go.

I’m fed up with men not taking things seriously and just wanting to have good time as if life is all about that.

When I was going through the RPW wiki yesterday, I found this post on Chads and I feel like you might find it helpful moving forward. If men consistently do not take things seriously with you, it means that your RMV isn’t high enough to get those men to want to commit. You can be angry and fed up with men all you want, but that doesn’t improve your position or your chances of getting a serious and committed relationship.

Take some time in nun-mode to improve your RMV. This may mean getting in shape, or learning to become less argumentative and naggy, or understanding how to be a soft place to land, or becoming a high-quality First Mate, or accepting male nature and figuring out how to activate their protective instincts. It may also mean addressing mental health issues and getting your life in order. All of these things will increase your RMV and will put you in a better position moving forward.

realalexjean · 2022-01-16T03:55:41+00:00

If you want a meaningful relationship with a guy, sleeping with him that easily is not the way forward

mr4kino · 2022-01-15T19:45:11+00:00

Did it start with a friend with benefits relationship and then you tried to upgrade to something more formal?

Regarding the fedup part, the reality is that it takes two people for this to happen. Same for men who complains about gold diggers or women about pua.

aigars2 · 2022-01-16T07:30:04+00:00

Seems to be there's a disconnect between what you want and what you're actually doing.

ihearthandbags · 2022-01-16T15:24:17+00:00

The lesson out of this should be to get on the same page before sex, cooking for him, and spending weekends together. Get on the same page first then decide how you want to proceed.

Practical_Sir_133 · 2022-01-15T21:02:35+00:00

Definitely part ways but not with no ill will. He told you straight up where you stand and I think you’re smart to just take that as a signal to stop having sex and move on. Part ways peacefully as he simply doesn’t have the same idea about the relationship you did. Also advice, if you want a relationship don’t have sex before knowing he wants the same thing because you may get hurt and feel used after. If you were just looking for a good time at first then I guess there was no way to avoid this ! It’s part of the process ! There will be other men willing to commit !

Ethman2k9 · 2022-01-16T02:48:07+00:00

You were good enough to FwB but not good enough to actually date. Honestly, I’d throw about 9/10 of the women I find hot enough to fuck in that category. I wouldn’t say you were wrong to end it if you wanted something more. But find a dude who wants more with you from the get go. Also take a look inward and make sure what you’re bringing to the table is worth a ring.

Diligent-Painting-37 · 2022-01-16T19:53:42+00:00

You did great! Two months is a good amount of time, and if someone doesn't want to be with you, they shouldn't.

Winter-Ice-melts · 2022-01-17T12:10:06+00:00

In my experience, been with my guy nearly 10 years we casually dated the first few months, i pulled back to work on myself because i was a mess back then, he knew that too i went to therapy, lost some weight, worked through my alcoholism, 6 months later, alot of self work, he messaged me out of the blue and we have been together since, im constantly still working on me, point being the more you try to pursue someone who just wants friends with beneifts, you set yourself up for more hurt, because men are usually pretty clear about what they want, try take the positive out of the time you have had, work on you, and cast him away for now, work on you and you never know what the future holds for you, because usually when you least are expecting it or not trying to lock someone down is when the best relationships happen or blossom, there’s other men, i find dating with the expectation of a commitment is what leads to the opposite, but thats my experience hope it helps in some way

reddishrobin · 2022-01-18T09:30:27+00:00

You did the right thing.

aussiedollface2 · 2022-01-20T21:27:41+00:00

Take him at his word and cut him off. Simply say you thought it was evolving into something more and you’re sorry he doesn’t feel the same. Then heal and work on yourself. Don’t catch up with him and don’t be any kind of emotional support to him. He doesn’t deserve “girlfriend” or “friend” privileges xo

Title	Was I impulsive?
Author	curiouslearner34
Upvotes	23
Comments	38
Date	January 15, 2022 7:29 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/s4s2yn/was_i_impulsive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/was-i-impulsive.1096010 https://theredarchive.com/post/1096010

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