I thought this would be good conversation for us. We talk a lot (though maybe less lately) about the importance of not controlling and nagging your man. But what happens when the man is the nagger?

My boyfriend is one of those guys who always wants to be at max productivity. He struggles to relax and wants to constantly be working, working out, or doing something *he deems* productive. Part of this for him is an ego thing, he wants to look like he is the best of the best in all ways, and he was raised in this sort of culture. This results in his nagging of me when I am not always at max productivity. I feel I do a lot - I work a high earning job, travel occasionally for work, work out (though I'm more a jog/walk/yoga girl vs. his hard work outs, he's for sure more fit), keep a very clean house and cook (we don't live together but he's here a lot benefiting from both of these), and I am in religious classes. But overall I am more of a relaxation is important, zen type, sleep matters, etc. person. I don't believe in burning yourself out.

Day to day this results in these little naggings from him to me. As a recent example, before bed he's reading a "classic" book while I am scrolling (I am not on my phone all the time or anything like that, this was just because he wanted to read so I needed something to do too). He made a comment to me about it, basically about how he's doing something productive in reading "the classics" and I am just looking at trash.

The feeling it leaves me with is he thinks he is better than me... in fact he admits he does think that and he thinks he is better than most people. He says he works to be more humble, to give back to charity, he's religious, etc. but deep down he is always trying to be the best and believes he does achieve more than most. It comes off to me as very self righteous and honestly it's not attractive to me at all. As we approach marriage, I struggle thinking about living with him and feeling I can't relax and have to demonstrate max productivity at all times.

So RPW, how do you handle with a man who is nagging? I find it hurtful but know I am too sensitive also. Sometimes I try to explain myself to him (I'm looking at productive stuff online not trash!), other times I just stay quiet and sulk and I can tell he later feels bad about it but he keeps doing it... and I find myself trying to prove to him how productive I was every day and it feels like I'm trying to earn his acceptance. He tells me he loves me all the time, he gives lots of positive compliments, so he's great at that. But then when there's nagging, it's hard to feel really loved for who I am, not just how many points I accomplished that day. It's feeling exhausting and I want it to change and "just talking to him" isn't enough.