Being asked about past relationship experience and LTRs.

Rjw12141214 · 2023-06-27T15:43:05+00:00

I have said straight up to women “I’m not a fan of talking about past relationships on the first date. I think there’s many more fun topics we can discuss.” And then change the subject from something fun. If you say it in a lighthearted manner they usually agree and just move on. I would assume if you act weird they will smell it out.

_vinland_ · 2023-06-27T15:22:50+00:00

Her: How many women have you slept with OP?

You: What, you mean this week?

319Skew · 2023-06-27T15:59:42+00:00

You don't need to lie because that implies shame. You also don't need to disclose your personal information.

If you're vetting her, your past doesn't matter. If she's vetting you then it's not going as intended.

Disclosing this info just gives her ammo and does nothing to help you.

When asked, just say "I've had relationships but we didn't align" and leave it at that.

Westwood_1 · 2023-06-27T18:39:46+00:00

I've had dates/relationships ask a similar question a lot; this is one of the areas where the rubber meets the road and you're finally able to use the skills that you've been developing with the sidebar. Have fun with it! A few suggested responses:

Mirroring: "Well, how many have you had?" After she responds with x number "Yeah, I've had x number too..."
Agree and amplify: "Hundreds. Thousands. Well, actually not thousands, but more than a thousand." After she pushes you and gets butthurt that you're not taking the question seriously "Okay, busted. You caught me. You're actually my first relationship. That's why I wanted to just hold your hand and cuddle our first time together."
Vague: "I mean obviously things just weren't ever the perfect fit before, which is why we're both here right now. I always just moved on eventually, but there are no hard feelings." If pushed for a number "I don't know, it's so hard to define. Are we counting short stuff or just "relationship" relationships?"

Ultimately, you don't owe this information to anyone, except perhaps a spouse. Dismissing or agreeing and amplifying absolutely does work (I've done it myself any number of times) and is probably your best bet at shutting down additional questions.

If you don't want to discuss that, then just don't. Simple as.

whatsthisgarg · 2023-06-27T17:26:17+00:00

You're getting shitty answers that do not apply to your situation because you were unclear in the post.

You wrote the below in a reply, should have been in the post:

Basically, right now I'm just fucking around with a bunch of sluts. I'm worried I'm going to be 35 trying to date for real and have women reject me because I've never had a long term relationship.

Clearly, you want to "date for real" and actually get into a LTR, for the first time, in your 30s.

Absolutely nothing wrong with that, but I gotta tell you, you are not going to be a match for the women, who will have had MUCH more experience dealing one-on-one with someone else, in basically CQB.

Most guys in that situation should expect to get eaten alive.

And, yeah, not ever having had a LTR by your mid-30s is going to be seen as a massive red flag. Two likely outcomes of that is 1) she rejects you (that's good) and 2) she sees you as an easy mark (that's bad).

Good luck.

KagedRageius · 2023-06-27T16:52:28+00:00

Cocky funny at first.

“I don’t kiss and tell”

“Does 4th grade count?”

“That’s classified”

“I never learned how to count”

If they still press, then set the boundary.

“I don’t see any positive coming from us sharing previous relationship histories with each other. They’re exes for a reason and I prefer to leave them in the past”

ImpressiveAnswer8854 · 2023-06-27T15:35:41+00:00

Frame it so that you say basically. Oh yeah, I’ve had a few in my past. Just say, things just fizzled out between us. Say that you didn’t find them attractive anymore. They were doing things you didn’t like so you ended things.

This sets you up as the more high individual. You control where things end. You uphold your moral code. You set boundaries.

This way she knows that you aren’t above walking away if you don’t get what you want. Keeping her more submissive and wanting to please.

karrottheparrot · 2023-06-27T16:05:26+00:00

It's pretty simply guy, you just gotta be honest. If you're genuinely uncomfortable with talking about it then say that, ain't gotta lie about some dumb shit just cuz you're not comfortable.

UrFriendlySuccubus · 2023-06-27T19:24:22+00:00

If you give shitty answers then they will just get fixated on that and find it suspicious. Just tell them as it is and be ready to show the receipts. Some people get crazy paranoid if they don’t like your answers or you’re very private (like me).

Don’t lie, but if you don’t feel comfortable or feel shame talking about your past relationships (some people will force your answers) then just be vague about it 🤷🏽‍♀️

GreatGoldSphinx · 2023-06-27T19:46:06+00:00

You're approaching this as if you need to qualify to her. Women who ask these questions have had their fun and are ready to settle down. If she's sexually attracted to you, then she probably won't ask. If she sees you as a meal ticket, she'll ask. Any woman who asks this on a first date is a psycho.

CyberXydra11 · 2023-06-28T12:01:32+00:00

I think i got you here. Did you ever heard about 9 Tomassi's Iron rules? One of these rules says that you must never, under any pain, tell a woman your body count and what have you had with any woman.

If I was ever asked this question i would probably play it off in jokingly manner or tell as little as possible (I have been in relationship w girl and it lasted x months. If asked why did you break up, you can either ask her about hers, or you can tell that it didn't workout because both of you chased different things or simply that you looked at the relationship in one way, she in another. She may then ask you what do you want it relationship, or how you imagine perfect relationship)

Hope this helps. If not, then you can DM me.

SupremeGuwop · 2023-06-27T15:17:50+00:00

Answer with “hmm that doesn’t seem relevant to us, and I’m not interested in knowing your answer to that so no need to talk about that”

anon35465768 · 2023-06-27T14:53:46+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Super_Ad_1226 · 2023-06-27T17:33:17+00:00

its how you frame it. if you are referring to that asian guy on twitter he framed it like he was a virgin or he wanted a relationship and couldnt get one.. if you frame it like you havent wanted one then theres no issue

SalporinRP · 2023-06-27T17:00:33+00:00

Jesus christ the amount of autistic answers in this thread lmao.

Do you losers even go outside?

fujiki_8940 · 2023-06-27T20:14:45+00:00

It depends on your age, and you need to act normal, chicks pulling this out because they don't want weirdos, neither they want a fuckboy.

To act normal it's like, you can not be 18yo with 20 body account right?

It's normal for a guy to have several relationship in his mid 20s right?

Chicks gonna ask, why you guys couldn't worked out? Because we are too young to know what we really want, and it always take some time to get to know each other, so we took our time and eventually find out that we were not align. And it also take times for people to grow, to know who they really are, what they really want. So we're here now, Im with my best intentions and willing to put my efforts in this relationship with you and hopefully we would work out, so let us try, right?

Whenever chicks bringing this up, it's like the only unemotional, logical and serious conversation you could have. Do not lie to her, neither you need to tell the whole story(that could hurt her feelings), just act normal, speak normal, you'll be all good.

ElectronicMajorWolf · 2023-06-27T22:53:02+00:00

You just divert and joke around it. I always say “you are the only one, and she gets annoyed cause she knows Ive been with some women.” Then I change the topic. If she persists I just say a man don’t kiss and tell

iamwhoiam101101110 · 2023-06-28T00:17:58+00:00

As some one whose never had an LTR and a bit older than you, I would just be honest and say, "I haven't met anyone that I deemed worth my time and investment, and I have had women who I could have definitely dated if I wanted to over the years, but I didn't want to, so consider yourself extraordinarily lucky missy."

bilabrin · 2023-06-28T03:47:11+00:00

Don't lie, it's anti-charismatic. Nothing is a bigger red flag then incongruity.

Just say "Don't worry about it." Or even better "I'd tell you, but then it wouldn't be a mystery."

If you end up getting serious about commitment then you could say "Listen, we've both been with other people, the truth is those others don't really matter to me, you do. So people that matter, just one."

nuclearmeltdown2015 · 2023-06-28T07:33:30+00:00

I think it depends on the type of woman and context.

I think now that I am older, I am more inclined to play down my body count because it's actually kind of eye opening if I give a real response and it basically invites more questions. You really want to make these type of interactions things where you tell the person what they want to hear so that they will move on and not dig any further. If they do keep digging further then you need to firmly let them know that this is your boundary and they're not crossing. If they cannot respect it and push anyway, cut them loose.

Basically, you want to let them know yes i do get laid and im confident enough to talk about it openly but you don't want to look like a risk for giving her a disease because she thinks you're a man whore. Lol.

A lot of different ways to approach and I think it depends on the person and context you're in. More conservative girls, you'd want to come across as a more traditional guy and make the girl believe she's the only one in your life so definitely don't tell her you've had a lot of casual sex, while more liberal women you'd want to let them know you have other things going on in your life so they don't feel pressured or like you're getting attached and want to try to start controlling them etc...

traderboi123 · 2023-06-28T11:35:42+00:00

At any point it comes up, just tell the truth that they would like to hear.

"I had a relationship that was very important to me. It just didn't work out because we were not compatible long term."

Shows her that:

You value relationships and can categorize them as important
You value long-term
You look for compatibility

If she presses you for details, just say that the way you would have wanted to raise kids would have been too different.

Remarkable_Magazine7 · 2023-06-29T03:42:17+00:00

The veil of mystery is a beautiful thing, if asked, my response would be "maybe, wdyt " and carry the convo fwd but never reveal the truth, just play with her

qunamax · 2023-06-29T10:06:50+00:00

You own your shit and tell the truth if asked. Avoid details as they bring no value but gossip. If you are afraid of what you can tell her, you got this whole thing wrong.

Woujo · 2023-06-29T16:14:09+00:00

First of all, freaking out about what a woman MIGHT ask you is a waste of your time.

Second, you should be honest. Here is my answer "I have had a few relationships and I am on good terms with all my exes. In fact, I still fuck a few of them sometimes. My longest relationship was X years."

You can leave out "I fuck a few of them" part if you want.

KerbySTD · 2023-07-01T16:12:44+00:00

You say your paths diverged and change the topic. You are reading the conversation

MattyAnon · 2023-07-01T18:52:57+00:00

I haven't seen anything on the sidebar related to this topic specifically. What is usually your go to response when these questions arise when on a date with a woman? Do you tell the truth?

Tell her you're a virgin with a smile and a sparkle in your eye.

That should do for the first 3 dates.

My plan is to lie, make up a past relationship that lasted no longer than a year, and say that I haven't really been focused on relationships and that my standarts are very high.

meh, not a fan of lying.

Think of something to say that maximises your chances of getting what you want with the kind of woman you want.

If you're looking to fuck, tell her you've not had a committed relationship before.

If you want to date her exclusively, tell her you're new to committed relationships and look forward to being denied sex while taking her on endless dates to nowhere at your expense. Seriously though.... tell her you're looking for "that special someone". Don't tell her how high your standards are, but do start asking probing questions that proves you have high standards. Never tell them you're looking for a relationship: that's instant loser talk right there. No challenge for her.

ma33xzz · 2023-07-03T19:39:04+00:00

Tell the truth. They can take it or leave it

Retiredmagician · 2023-07-05T16:58:01+00:00

I think you’re gunna be ok, Its good to plan ahead but you may be overthinking it a bit.

A lot of women will act like they care about the past, but in reality its a solid future that they’re looking for (this could be with or without you)

Men are a stuck in the past a lot more when it comes to these kinds of things imo because we’re more possessive with who were with, and dont like the thought of the love of our life being railed by some part time drug dealer at your local bar after 3 whiskey sours.

My take is this; as long as the package you bring is solid and she can see her having a great future with you, she will look over any potential “red flags” of you not being in a serious relationship prior. It’s only when they’re not happy with what they see now do they start digging in the past to look for an excuse to break you down.

So keep working on yourself, enjoy life and don’t sweat it is my advice 💪🏾

Sympraxis · 2023-07-12T10:34:06+00:00

Although you can mention a previous relationship and it's outcome ("we got divorced" or whatever), never talk about past relationships as a topic of discussion. Not only does it break frame, but it is boring and mundane. You should be talking about stuff that stimulates her, not turn offs like your ex wife.

The way to transition out of these kinds of questions is with prepared stories. For example, let's say she asks about the ex wife, what was she like etc, then you say: "Well, once I was with my ex-wife at this concert and we run into this guy who I later found out was her boyfriend in high school but she didn't want to tell me, so then .... (hilarious story with sexual undertones that demonstrates your value)."

An alternative to telling a stimulating story is to go sigma. Like watch "A Streetcar Named Desire" or "The Wild One" a couple of times and then ask yourself, what would Stanley have said to Blanche if she asked him about his ex wife.

Title	Being asked about past relationship experience and LTRs.
Author	anon35465768
Upvotes	41
Comments	83
Date	June 27, 2023 2:46 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/14kfq9b/being_asked_about_past_relationship_experience/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/being-asked-about-past-relationship-experience-and.1223653 https://theredarchive.com/post/1223653

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