Don't be so quick to call "Next!"

gideonrakthor · 2014-11-06T15:38:45+00:00

For many men, the next mentality does two things:

Kill the over pedestalization of women.

Increase your changes if finding someone actually interested in you.

Elodrian · 2014-11-06T16:27:29+00:00

Do you wanna be some guy she fucked a million years ago, or the guy she fantasizes about when her BB husband is whining because he can't get laid?

Will you be happy with your accomplishments after you're dead? Neither yes or no are correct answers because you will be dead and not have opinions anymore. How another person feels about you once they aren't part of your life is an equally irrelevant question. Unless you're going for some kind of "sound of one hand clapping" zen koan, worrying about the opinions of non-existent people is a waste of time at best and a source of needless stress at worst.

abdada · 2014-11-06T15:50:08+00:00

I Hard Next without thinking. Not just to plate possibilities, but to friends, customers and work peers. I have a reputation of firing about 1 customer a week in Chicago, and I'm proud of it, but it isn't done on purpose.

Why be so quick to next? I only live one life. Every day before me is gone. It can't be changed.

I'm 40. I have never in my life accomplished anything great out of keeping an idiot or a lame around. There's no sense of accomplishment getting a hate fuck out a girl with low interest in me.

I have an abundance of all I need. If someone doesn't like me immediately, I am not going to convince them otherwise. In today's small world where social networks connect us all 24/7, a woman who I next has a higher chance of reconnecting with me later. And many of them do. And I just tell them I'm busy and make it quick.

Not because I'm really an asshole, but because I don't have time for lames. I'm nice to people I've nexted if they contact me, but I'm busy. I have people who value me and I didn't have to fight for it or waste a minute getting that value seen.

Why do I want to give a chance to a woman who sees me as low value? Do you know why a woman sees you as low value? Because she values other guys higher than you. So what if you "lose" to them? She will lose in the long run, guaranteed.

Smitty6 · 2014-11-06T16:56:13+00:00

I think it's key to know the difference between a soft next and a hard next.

A hard next is when you cut ties, vamos! See ya some other life time. You do this when she has totally lost your respect and you don't want anything to do with her.

A soft next means she still has a chance. You've walked away but you haven't cut ties. Your still open to talk, flirt, fuck her whatever.

The thing they both have in common is your ok with walking away and you don't need her. A red pill man is on soft next mode all the time. Unless a bitch gives him reason to hard next. There is no going back after a hard next. Being in soft next mode means that you aren't focusing on one girl. She needs to earn your trust and time.

Until then she is a soft next. She's not worth worrying about or getting emotionally invested in unless she earns it. How does she earn it? She invests in you. She wants to see you a lot, she does things for you and is loyal, you actually like being around her, and the sex is really good. If you can't say that about her then you have to be willing to walk away or have her walk away.

You can't settle for a women and no you cannot chase a women. The in between is having respect for yourself, knowing what you want in a women, and not settling for anything else. Until you see this you soft next her.

And you also can't change a women. If you think calling her out is going to change her, then you will be disappointed. Also getting emotional after something she does to lose your respect, she doesn't deserve it. Kick the girl out of your life for good. Doesn't matter whether she forgets about you or not. Broken women cannot be fixed.

tombreck2 · 2014-11-06T15:47:00+00:00

Nexting helps encourage an abundance mentality which is good long term.

With an abundance mentality you won't jump through all the hoops and effort that some girls will require of you because you will already have other girls that would rob a bank for you.

mordanus · 2014-11-06T17:44:01+00:00

You may view it as a weakness but I don't. I think that one of the worst things we can do as a man is to give into that "I can fix this" mentality. We get into a mindset that if we quit we are weak and then the whole sunk cost fallacy comes into play. We hamster to ourselves that we can control or fix any situation and that is honestly not the case.

there is a fine line between behaving like a quitter and making a calculated assessment of your own risk/investment vs reward

The problem is that when you are emotionally invested into a relationship you get a skewed perpective and this is where our beta tendencies come from. We then become no longer able to properly judge the risk vs the reward because we are so dead set on fixing our problem and not realizing that our lives would be better if we just walked away instead.

I also think that refusing to next someone and insisting that it be fixed is a result of pedestalization and a lack of abundance mentality. If you truly realized abundance mentality relationships wouldn't bother you again. You would have enough dread game to keep your plates in line and chasing you and if they stop chasing you then you move onto the next one. Get more abundance mentality and it will create dread game out of nowhere.

Another aspect that you aren't looking at is effort. If your woman starts to shit all over your relationship and you try to fix it instead, you are showing her that she means more to you than you mean to her. It gives her the power in the relationship and this is a very shitty place to be. When you are willing to walk in a relationship you are demonstrating that you have more value and that increases desire in women. So don't be a mr fixit when it comes to relationships. Instead aquire abundance, instill dread, prove your own self worth by being willing to walk.

variableLt · 2014-11-06T17:43:38+00:00

Ok, I finally managed to get my head around the real meaning of nexting few weeks ago, so I think I am finally able to contribute something on this subject.

Nexting is a necessary action that enables you to internalize the fact that there are 7 billion people in the world and that you cannot run out of friends, customers or women as long as you are a moving target. 7 billion with a b. Remember that.

It is very hard to accept that one. I was aware of it for years, but as I already said, only recently have I managed to understand it. You can literally screw a first approach several million times and you will still be able to come at the top if you are persistent enough. The best seducers fucked some 2k women in their lifetime, and there are plenty of women to do that with, multiple times over.

I don't agree with abdada on hard nexting, as I am a proponent of cultivating a mysterious vibe and hard nexting kills it. You shouldn't provide your "opponent" with information about your internal state as well as your future action. For that reason, allow people who would like to reconnect with you to reveal their true intent and upon hearing it decide if you want to next them again or not.

gohammer3 · 2014-11-06T16:20:59+00:00

Keep orbiting girls who play games. Let us know how it goes for you.

Turkeytom86 · 2014-11-06T18:25:49+00:00

Maybe I'm just blessed with good genetics and high levels of arrogance, but I personally don't find it worth the effort to try to work things out with a girl that's not pleasing me/not truly interested in me. I'd rather just move on and try somebody else. Yes, as you've stated, it is ultimately the path of least resistance, but honestly I don't think that I should have to work to make someone like me, or agree with all of my viewpoints. If they don't, then they don't. That's life, and that's ok. I'll move on and it's better for both of us that way!

As for "leaving her a grieving alpha widow", how people feel once they're out of my life isn't really a concern. It doesn't affect me or matter in the slightest, so I don't care. This honestly feels like pointless ego-stroking.

smokingmonkey420 · 2014-11-06T16:44:58+00:00

The same girl you wanna work things out with can just next you for a better option and not give a fuck.

mabden_reborn · 2014-11-06T18:10:16+00:00

If you follow Doc Love,

The measure of your chicks' interest level tells you whether to next or not.

If she has a 51% or higher interest level in you, then there is a chance to fix whatever may be wrong with the relationship and/or just keep on doing what you are doing if it is in the 80's or above.

However, if her interest level falls below 50%, your toast and no amount of recovery will bring that interest level back (maybe only temporary at best.) So at this point is when you take inventory and bail.

evenmoretiredoflibs · 2014-11-06T19:27:11+00:00

While I entirely agree with your post and it obviously offers an absurd level of commen-sense, it relies upon too much self-reflection for it to ever be popular among many posters here.

Kaelteth · 2014-11-06T19:58:09+00:00

Why don't we try to fix it?

Because she's not fucking worth it

You've gotten out of her what her value is. She's not going to change for you, no matter how perfect you are - she'll continue to be whatever-the-fuck-it-is that causes you to NEXT the bitch.

Now, I don't deny that you should look in yourself for reasons she may have deserved the next. That's proper self-improvement and self-reflection.

But realistically, there are over 3.5 billion people on the planet that possess a vagina. There is always someone better out there. Always.

favours_of_the_moon · 2014-11-06T20:15:04+00:00

Only targeting weaker opponents is what a woman will do. And that is also why "dark triad males" are bitches too. Because they are essentially women.

mega_beta · 2014-11-06T16:25:43+00:00

A good time to "next" a girl is if she starts thinking she has other options. If you suddenly discover that you have given her a new sense of confidence to flirt with other guys, let her go. Do not let her use you as her fountain of self-esteem.

Swagzor · 2014-11-06T15:52:09+00:00

Good post. I noticed this too. you explained it very well.

If she does something you dont like, you tell her and talk about it.
If she does something that hurts you, you lift your shoulders and raise your voice (dominating).
If she humiliate you or hurt you so much its irreparable, Its time for a next one.

BloodRoseTRP · 2014-11-06T22:41:33+00:00

Nexting does indeed create an abundance mentality. What OP is trying to say, I believe, is that there's a catch. If you next at the first sign of something not going well, you'll never develop resilience and persistence. Successful people are successful simply because they persist and trek through failure. Now, where the line is drawn between persistence and neediness is drawn is up to each individual to decide.

Mihawk01 · 2014-11-06T18:31:35+00:00

I feel OP needs to really understand the NEXTING benefits. Here are some of them.

Curing ONEITIS: Most BP guys have oneitis. NEXTING cures that shit, and keeps it from coming back.

POWER: It also reminds you that you do not have to take any shit from women, and she does not have the power, but you do, as the safekeeper of the relationships.

I am sure there are more, they are just not coming into my mind right now.

I myself rarely next anyone, I just keep them on as a plate, and it just fizzles itself out with time.

Regarding the giving up point, I think that completely misses the point. In our society today, many women are raised like little stupid brats, and have never been dumped. They think they can do anything. It isn't your job to teach them otherwise, you can if you want to, but it will not be an overnight thing. By choosing to walk away, in no way are you giving up. You are choosing what is best for you, that is your own choice, and that is ultimately what RP is all about.

Also the point regarding children. No, you wouldn't leave your children. But guess what, many children currently are also given a free run, just like women. Many of them are entitled little shits. Parents having more bollocks and actually properly raising their kids woudn't be too bad for them.

So really a few positives of NEXTING for OP to grasp.

LeggyBlueEyes · 2014-11-06T18:44:41+00:00

This is so well written. I see this mentality so often with men new to Marriedredpill. Also they expect years and years of learned behavior to be unlearned in a matter of months. Nothing worth having comes easy. At least that's what I was taught and what I believe. Great post!

RedPillSafe · 2014-11-06T19:17:01+00:00

Next only that which is not useful !!!

Starting from MGTOW we are always seeking a "crew" to ride in our "ship". If the woman is useful as part of your crew then she is valuable and should stay. If she makes a mistake and responds to discipline (holding your frame) then she is valuable and should stay. If the woman attempts a mutiny on your ship (acting like a Feminist) then you must "next" her immediately.

Matsew · 2014-11-06T19:59:01+00:00

thanks for the read OP.

no.

fap_the_pain_away · 2014-11-06T20:04:26+00:00

I completely disagree. Picking up chicks is a numbers game. For me, and probably many others, 1 in 10 female strangers will get with you. So churn as fast as possible to get more bangs.

RedRisingHood · 2014-11-06T21:22:07+00:00

Ask yourself what you would do if she were a man/ugly girl

It's pretty easy, you would soft next. You wouldn't cut ties, but you wouldn't go out of your way to remove her from your life unless there is some direct benefit for you.

thrownaway_MGTOW · 2014-11-06T21:59:41+00:00

Do you wanna be some guy she fucked a million years ago, or the guy she fantasizes about when her BB husband is whining because he can't get laid?

Here's a hint, only one of those is a Red Pill answer.

Actually IMO, neither of those answers is very rational.

Because quite frankly, WTF does it matter? Do you derive some benefit from her "pining" after you 20 years from now?

Is that how you obtain your sense of worth or value? Sounds to me like you're still deriving your "value as a man" from the validation of women... and worse from the sheer number of chicks who (in your own little fictional/fantasy) you think/believe are subsequently still getting all hot & bothered by some (fictionalized/fantasy) memory of you? Talk about vanity.

I mean seriously, are you sure you're not a chick?

Thizzlebot · 2014-11-06T22:07:45+00:00

Thank you! I feel a lot of people here are so quick to next because it protects their egos instead of getting hurt.

You are supposed to be the man and the leader and leaders don't surrender right away.

Str8tuptrollin · 2014-11-06T22:57:48+00:00

I never actuall "break up" with a chick, I just started contacting her less and less while trying to fuck he more and more until she breaks it off

RedHeimdall · 2014-11-07T16:29:25+00:00

I hear you OP. Sometimes the next is called for but sometimes it's pulled out too quickly. Also heavily depends on your goals. If all you want to do is pump and dump forever, you're going to be pulling out that next card at the slightest provocation. If however you want a LTR at some point, you need to ease your finger off that trigger and slow your roll a bit. Get some experience fixing bad behavior because you'll need it in that LTR.

There is the macro perspective of weighing all the pros and cons associated with a girl and deciding whether to next or to continue, and there is the micro perspective of looking at a specific instance of bad behavior and deciding whether to correct or not to correct.

As the standard response to any cons on the macro level tally is often "next her ass," so the standard response to unappealing behavior on the micro level is often "be unfazed, be stoic, be a rock."

Personally, my default mode is to correct bad behavior when I see it in girls I'm associating with. If she's being disrespectful, rude or even just annoying I'm going to make it known that I don't put up with shit like that and she needs to knock it off quick. With a strong frame, it works.

TL;DR -- If you want a LTR at some point, don't be too quick to pull the next card for minor offenses, and drop the aloofness a bit and put her in her place when the situation calls for it.

2014-11-08T00:00:30+00:00

A lot of times, the one word "next" answers are in jest to questions like "I want to be alpha and this girl I met yesterday isn't responding to my texts. Wat do?"

Next her.

It could be expanded on, hard next versus soft next, or a well thought out post and they really should be to explore your own understanding. But sometimes, next is the answer.

OP, I agree with your post though for sure. It's just that sometimes, comments here are lame as fuck.

VegasHostTre · 2014-11-07T00:05:38+00:00

Wanting to fix people is a female mentality.

the_red_scimitar · 2014-11-06T18:38:53+00:00

There are so many flaws in OPs post. In the subject of debate, the methods here are considered "debate tricks" and absolutely not logic.

Here's the simplicity: People lie and are fake. Sadly, I find TRP often encourages MEN to be so (i.e. "fake it til you make it"). But in dating, people are far more often than not very fake. And by fake, I mean they are acting, talking in certain ways, displaying interests, etc., none of which they would do, be interested in, etc., on their own time.

So, you meet somebody cool, and then you find out their coolness was a sham. They have an issue which, had you known initially, you simply would not have dated them.

And I will emphasize this: Not only is it not your job to fix it (OP's "Why didn't you solve the problem before ditching her?") - nor is it anything but the MOST beta of actions to endeavor to do so.

So no, I find OPs entire post fundamentally flawed, and extremely not RP, despite his insistence on being an RP master.

Olipyr · 2014-11-06T19:00:16+00:00

I give women two, maybe three, chances to conform to me and enter my world. Those that do always have a great and leave being a better person for it. Those that do not, are nexted hard and never given another shot.

It's not worth my time to make a woman who wants to play the stupid games like me. If she isn't interested, then she isn't interested. My self-worth is not tied into always having a woman on my arm or under me in bed.

I have more important things to do in life than chase pussy. Chasing pussy gets you nowhere. Not to ay it isn't fun and pleasurable, but that is all you get out of it.

I take the mantra of, "It bleeds, it stinks, it leaks, and I can always masturbate."

slcjosh · 2014-11-06T19:45:23+00:00

"Giving up" and having better things to do with your time and energy are two very different things. Not having an exit strategy, aka thinking two steps ahead, is asinine. Never undertake anything you don't know how to get out from underneath. Ever. Thats just foolishness.

iceax · 2014-11-06T19:46:05+00:00

Guys know their own situations. In many cases nexting IMMEDIATELY is the right thing to do. At the first sign of crazy, for one.

Misteralcala · 2014-11-06T22:30:33+00:00

There is always another woman out there. Abundance mentality is a pillar of redpill thinking, and displaying your willingness to pack up and leave is a powerful incentive to keep women from acting like assholes with you. Sometimes you get to the point where the energy and time you invest is not worth the benefit you receive, and it's important to know when that point is and be willing to walk away.

yummyluckycharms · 2014-11-07T06:39:18+00:00

On the surface - you are right. Any good investor knows that sometimes an investment fundamentals just needs time or a slight alteration in the macro environment before it can take off. On the other hand, there are limited number of stock investments vs. the relatively large number of available women.

Carrying this analogy futher, there is a higher opportunity cost of NOT nexting a woman, than there is in just dropping her and moving on down the list in your pipeline (which everyone should be developing). You dont succeed in life by taking on risk that is out of proportion to the reward. This is why nexting is the optimal choice by default.

adrixshadow · 2014-11-07T12:22:30+00:00

Don't be quick.

Be super quick.

There is no point in investing your time and effort.

You will find much better prospects if you play a numbers game.

There is no point in fixing your STR.

Training your woman is a powerful ability that should be used with care. Do not make alpha-widows, that is stupid and irresponsible to fuck peoples lives. You should always leave them the same or better then you found them.

Rush-into-the-fray · 2014-11-06T16:40:13+00:00

I am proud this was written. Imagine what would happen if everybody's dad nexted thier mom. You wouldn't be here, and there would be alot of fifty year old playboys running around. Being a man means working with your partner, you improve her, she inspires you. If she doesn't give you drive to accomplish great things, soft next.

redpostx · 2014-11-06T17:17:05+00:00

You're not wrong, but this is graduate level work for this sub.

The vast majority of readers of this sub are noobs looking for validation and trying to avoid looking like noobs.

This makes perfect sense after you've got rock solid fundamentals. If you aren't 100% secure with abundance mentality, this is a recipe for disaster. Maybe this is ok after the 50th next, but even then there can be twinges of oneitis.

Realistically there are saves you can make but for the vast majority of readers here they're better off getting more practice at pick up and early stages of relationships, then avoiding oneitis after the next. The opportunity cost of not nexting is too high for noobs.

Title	Don't be so quick to call "Next!"
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	88
Comments	78
Date	November 6, 2014 3:36 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2lhbrm/dont_be_so_quick_to_call_next/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/dont-be-so-quick-to-call-next.24376 https://theredarchive.com/post/24376

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