I remember when I first saw things in my father that my mother couldn’t see- maybe things my father, himself, couldn’t understand. As I got older, I became more in touch with not only my feelings, by what was under the surface of particular emotions- why I felt the way I felt. The insecurities, the sadness, the self-doubt. A marker for adulthood can be understanding the true challenge of adulthood- understanding that a man’s life is defined by struggle.

Take a moment to recognize that your father was alone in that struggle. He didn’t have the connectivity and resources of modern technology which has served to foster a re-emergence of masculinity and an understanding of gender dynamics.

He was taught that his generation embodied a better way of thinking, and a good man was one who embraced this progression. Gone was the responsibility to lead a relationship- his generation would listen to their women and treat them as equal partners. A good man was a compassionate man who respected his wife’s strength and independence, and in-turn she would forgive his moments of failure and weakness.

Just like you, all your father wanted was to be a good man.

And as this way of thinking slowly destroyed him, it was all he knew.

[Except from: Forgiving Your Father and “Return of the Jedi” (1983)]

K I LL T O P AR T Y

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