How do you get over being alone?

Shakydrummer · 2017-05-11T23:32:32+00:00

Let me quote something from another post about oneitis

Most men never invest time to develop themselves as men. Sure the do the whole school career pipeline, but they never take the time to push their physical or mental limits to develop their leadership ability or to grow into their masculinity. In their heart they know this. They know that they arnt masculine or confident or anything but a worker drone. They know this. They know how they stack up with other men but they choose to ignore it.

Then they meet a woman and use their love as a means to distract themselves from their inadequacy. Everything is going to be okay cuz I'm in love! They hide from their weakness via love.

But women they see the truth. A woman can't risk a pregnancy with a foot shuffling, soft spoken indecisive beta male. Eventually women figure out who you are and get the fuck out before they get inseminated with loser.

It's loosely related to what your subject is OP. Don't worry about that shit with women. Here's the thing man. You're ruminating - loneliness is a state of being that can really fuck you up if you're not proactive about taking life by the balls and moving yourself out of it. People are social creatures by nature, we aren't designed to be alone. But if you, feeling incomplete, go hunting for a woman, you may very well end up as one of the stories you read on here.

You can get the EXACT same feelings of love, belonging, and a sense of self/purpose by going out and being around people you like being around or doing things that you love doing. The best way to fight loneliness is counter it by getting your ass out there and being OKAY with being alone.

You are what you do every day. Change your habits and you change yourself.

Of course don't stop trying to go meet women and all that shit, but more so to the point, don't be complacent with yourself. People worry wayyy too much about finding a relationship anyway - it's not about trusting in the process and being yourself, that's fucking garbage advice. It's about working on what you want to be in your life and achieving the best version of you.

Fulfill yourself instead, grow to be the man you want to be, because through that you'll gain the confidence to acquire what you want in life. Ignore that Instagram Disney bullshit too!

Auvergnat · 2017-05-12T01:40:17+00:00

Your feeling of loneliness is a built-in mechanism in your brain to try to get you to get laid because you're not following your biological imperative.

All attempts at covering it up with some kind words or activities won't solve the problem. It'll just make it worse as, ontop of the loneliness, you'll feel more shame for still feeling lonely despite your efforts.

You must get laid.

Lift. Start yesterday.
Delete IG. It's only for people who have an awesome life or physical beauty to advertise it and get more social status and validation. For everyone else, it's a waste of time and a sure way to feel depressed.
Any little time you can find, get out and approach and build your social skills till you get laid. You have time. Even if just a little. You're only afraid of it so you use your schedule as an excuse, but priorities govern your schedule.

Hyperian · 2017-05-11T23:00:25+00:00

You're still young and you're trying to get into medical school, keep that as your priority even if it sucks now, going partying and socializing isn't something you want to get hanged up on if you want to be a doctor. It's gonna be tough. Lifting is good, keep doing it.

Be proud that you are doing something that can lead to saving people's lives, not many people can do that.

In terms of gf, that's a handful, don't tie yourself down when you're still so young. everyone gets hanged up on getting laid when they are young, but it really is only as big of a deal as you let it. Approach girls when you have a chance but don't let your academics suffer because of it. Like you said, you're studying now. Stick with it. Everything else is secondary.

Quit looking at Facebook and instagram. It's not people's real life anyway.

xMusclebeard · 2017-05-11T23:47:40+00:00

I was loneliest after getting a divorce, but since finding this sub and actually getting laid more than once in a blue moon it subsided to where now as long as I catch some tail even once in a while I'm good. To battle loneliness directly when I was first starting out, I began going out and just being around people. Went for coffee at the mall where there's lots of people, joined a thing, started hanging out at guitar shops with the clerks who love to talk gear, found a group of buddies I chill with at least once a week, hit the bars to watch live bands once or twice a week with the guys or even by myself. Just keep busy with interesting things and socialize whenever possible. Get out there.. not even for the sake of your trouser snake but just cause humans need to socialize.

Rooibosisboss · 2017-05-11T22:54:30+00:00

"thanks for any advice but no need to say "go see a therapist". its not that serious, just needed to get it off my chest."

Ive never had a girlfriend and this breaks me down a lot.

ive been told i look good but i also have my own insecurities

like if im alone now, i'll be alone then

maybe see a therapist

now all that aside.

if you look good and are healthy, don't worry. you're young.

literally just approach any girl any time of day if you find her attractive, ask the ones that keep talking to you on dates, be relaxed and (mostly) yourself, escalate (this day and age guys who think they are being a gentleman by waiting are fooling themselves), at least consistently show you are sexually interested otherwise you will be "friendzoned", don't take their shit and be realistic, focus on medschool and your own priorities, get hobbies, and never ever make getting "that girl" or "those girls" the priority, it will show and will make your progress lag anyway so may as well focus on yourself and guess what the girls will come (literally and figuratively)

you see one problem and it nests itself in more and more problems and you get overwhelmed, ie "i don't like myself, so i can't get girls, so why should i bother trying, that means i'm a failure at life, so why even try at school, so why even bother with working out"

live your life, enjoy your life, you only get one go round, don't waste it being a sad sack.

also, i hope medschool is something you really truly want to do, if it isn't GET OUT NOW, you're only 21, if it is then KEEP GOING don't let rank pussy be the reason you fail at life.

fstrizzy · 2017-05-12T00:18:23+00:00

In all honesty you need to realize that you are going to be lonely throughout life. Very lonely. Even if you get a girl you are still going to be lonely. We live in a very disconnected time. Loneliness is plaguing many men. You just need to find some decent friends to have a good time with when you want to. Also a decent friend to text bullshit back and forth. It helps. I'm at the loneliest point in my life right now at 25 years old. I work from home in sales and marketing. I am single. I live Alone. I live in a very small town and I've lost the majority of my old friends.

I used to live with my ex girlfriend and had a much stronger social circle. I basically lost everything at one time. At first this loneliness and isolation made me very depressed and I didn't see the point to my life. It literally sent me into a real depression. I stopped working out, I stopped pursuing all of my hobbies, I drank myself into oblivion, all because I was lonely.

I finally snapped the fuck out of it somehow. Actually I forced myself out of it. That time of depression and isolation gave me so much time to think about what I want out of life. I developed new ideologies and philosophies. I began to view this loneliness as a tool for progression. I began to realize how free I truly am. I have all of the time I could ever desire to mold myself into who I want to be. I answer to no one. My time is all mine. I take road trips to different cities and meet new people and different girls. I've become much more focused and disciplined with my workouts. I'm writing lyrics and playing guitar again. I've also become way more self sufficient. I literally don't need anyone anymore. I view that dark period of my life as a blessing now. I needed to go through that dark phase and reemerge into the light again. Things aren't perfect, but I'm so much more equipped to deal with hardship today. Would I like a better social life? Sure. And I'll have to work at that as well. I'm moving to a new city all by myself In a few months and I have zero fears about it anymore. I never would have been able to do that a few years ago out of fear of loneliness. I've gained strength and confidence from loneliness because I know exactly who I am and what I want now. You can do the same. Don't let loneliness get you down. Use it to become stronger. View it as a test.

_Hank-Scorpio_ · 2017-05-12T03:03:39+00:00

Don't just lift, have a program and a GOAL. Monitor your progress by maxing out one your key power lifts (bench, squat, deadlift) once a month. Follow Johnny Candito on youtube. He has fantastic videos on form and programming.

OR pick something cool like a triathlon or BJJ. Both of these helped me after a tragic life event. BJJ was social and fun. The triathlon was a goal that took preparation and courage and forced me to learn how to swim (1 mile, in the ocean).

Buy a calendar. Plan your days out. Stick to it. Rookies use to do lists. Professionals have a calendar--a big one for the current month and a small one for the entire year. Put it on your wall or desk. Make some time to go to places/events with the kind of girls you want to meet. Play the long game--by talking to them now you are setting yourself up for success 3 years from now, when you are really ready to date. It's like lifting (or anything else); it gets easier with repetition.

Plan a sweet vacation with your close friends. Go to national parks or whatever. Plan it in advance and have the satisfaction of executing.

Join a church group. Faith in God will keep you strong in those lonely times.

Find the best med school in the coolest city you want to live in (NYC, San Francisco, Seattle, Toronto, wherever). Use that to help motivate you to study. You won't be as lonely when you can go to a museum, go to Central Park or Yosemite, whatever with your med school friends. Don't get attached to that specific outcome, because you never know how things will turn out and you need to be adaptable, but still strive for it.

Volunteer at Habitat for Humanity or some equivalent organization. It's important. Generously give your time to alleviate human suffering. These are great opportunities to interact with girls in a non creepy, normal way without forming awkward friendships that devolve into friendzones. Also, the girls at these events will generally be good women, although you may find the occasional crazy woman.

MOST IMPORTANTLY: LEARN TO SCREEN BEFORE YOU START DATING. This will save you major heartache. By the time you get rolling, you will be able to find exactly the kind of girl you are looking for. BUT you must learn to screen for drug use, a history of promiscuity, ties to ex boyfriends, etc. If you are seeking a wife, understand that the first girl you have multiple successive dates with may or may not become your wife. Don't get attached; continue to screen. Screen, screen, screen. MEET HER FAMILY EARLY--this goes against everything you have previously been taught (avoiding commitment). But it's actually better to meet and assess early than to become emotionally attached only to realize that there are big issues on that front.

Honestly, I am jealous of you for finding this sub before you have experience with girls. Consider yourself lucky--not all experience is good, and many of those who found this did so only after willingly engaging in a disastrous relationship, whether or not they recognized their agency at the time.

edited for more good ideas

Join a quality online dating group like e-harmony. Start talking to girls. Just see it as a way to get experience. Don't be emotionally connected to the outcome (many will frown on this, but it seems conducive to your goals). Talk to as many girls as possible. It will remind you that quality ones are in fact out there.

You are what you put your time into--if you need more friends, put more time into making quality friendships. The best friendships are formed through adversity (high school football, ROTC, and the army is where I found my friends). So you need to join some type of athletic or hiking group. Med school should be a good opportunity to make some friends. Honestly, if you make 1-2 actual close friends that you can confide in at every major event in your life (high school, college, med school, residency) you are doing much better than most.

Get a little bit drunk 2-4 times a month. It's a great way to blow off steam. It's not bad if it is deliberate. You sound like someone with enough self control to avoid fights or dumb shit. Just make sure you know your limits and don't get addicted. It will clear your head and destress you.

Develop your sense of humor by finding friends who make you laugh and learning to joke with them. Don't do it for game, just do it because you sound like someone who needs to laugh a lot more.

Understand that many of the people you see in relationships are miserable in ways you can't even imagine, especially in college. The grass is greenest where you water it (IE, you are what you put your time into).

Degener0 · 2017-05-12T01:56:43+00:00

Get some fucking hobbies. Make a life. Go do BJJ or some martial art. Do a drop-in sport. Find a fraternal hobby. Hell, go take ballroom, salsa or classical dancing.

Get out of the house instead of being a loser who slaves for a buck then wastes their spare time boozing or playing vidya games. Stop pedistalizing pussy. Do not sacrifice long term happiness for short term gain. Go fucking lift and get some nuts in your sack and flirt with classmates or the random bitch who bags your groceries. However, Do Not chase the snatch to the point where you lose focus on your mission. Discipline is sexy.

Go live a life worth living. Get the fuck off Instagram. Worry things that matter; not what others do or have

Last of All, hot women fuck ugly dudes. Get a stronger frame! Women will suck an ugly guys dick if he has power; either external or internal. Read some fucking books on how to shore up that obvious weakness of yours. You know what makes you foreveralone? Fear and insecurity. (No more Mr nice guy, meditations, Google red pill book nuke compilation)

When you're 20 you care what everyone thinks, when you're 40 you stop caring what everyone thinks, when you're 60 you realize no one was ever thinking about you in the first place. You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.

Winston Motherfuckin' Churchill

Frenetic_Zetetic · 2017-05-12T08:40:47+00:00

All I'm gonna say, OP, is ages 19-26 were an absolute existential nightmare for me. Keep learning, keep applying. This sub will teach you a lot once you learn how to discern the gold nuggets from the fluff.

aewiggin · 2017-05-12T00:45:14+00:00

The way to get over being alone is to have a fulfilling lifestyle.

If the idea of being alone forever scares you, then companionship is too significant a force in your life. This is because you require people to validate your life.

If you can live such that you are the main source of validation for your life then you will never worry about being alone.

ben504pir · 2017-05-12T01:42:57+00:00

Get in to med school. Lift. Girls will be beating down your door in 3 years.

Titanstone · 2017-05-11T23:00:16+00:00

I generally try to understand the difference of "never had a girlfriend" and "never been laid". They are two completely different things to want. Understand that if you are not hooking up in college, it can really only be 2 reasons: Your sexual market value is too low to compete, or you create limiting beliefs that cause you to only accept very specific situations to meet girls.

You're putting far too much emphasis on sex and girlfriends. It will consume you completely, and the only way to drop it is to get it done once. You will pedestalize it until you do. You don't need experience. All the experience you ever needed with a woman is already in your DNA as a man. Focus on you and what you want sexually and she will follow. Focus on lifting and med school. Don't assume that people who put women as their highest priority are happy, they just aren't lonely. If you NEED someone else in your life, that seems from a larger personal issue that needs to be addressed.

easternrogue · 2017-05-12T09:15:00+00:00

I know exactly what you are talking about, although I am already in the working world. My advice would be: keep yourself occupied with hobbies that distract you and make you feel better about yourself.

1) You said you lift, well lift more. Be more competitive at it. Don't do bullshit machine exercises though. 5x5/Starting Strength is what you need.

2) Pick up a martial art if you have the time, resources and commitment for it. 4 days per week. No excuses. Biased opinion: boxing is the best.

3) Do NOT rely on other people to make you happy. They won't. People are inherently selfish and you should be too. I am not arguing that you should become a RP hermit - this is also bullshit. Everyone needs people in his life but your interactions should be in the frame personal comfort and strength. If someone senses that you feel lonely and desperate to have friends, they will use you and belittle you.

I am rambling at this point. The point is: always put yourself FIRST. Get stronger, learn to throw a punch and invest in your future. It will only get better if you do something about it.

MaxwellGaine · 2017-05-12T14:58:59+00:00

The loneliest I've ever been was in LTR's and marriage. Your options for everything - hobbies, friends, good times, just plain emotional happiness - become unbelievably limited.

Chew on that for a bit. Don't waste your time hoping it's the magic bullet, the grass is always greener.

GregorioThomassoni · 2017-05-12T17:05:35+00:00

there are worse things than being alone but it often takes decades to realize this and most often when you do it's too late and there's nothing worse than too late.

Charles Bukowski

mcatech · 2017-05-12T18:41:56+00:00

Married 14 years. Left me two years ago, and I moved back in with my parents because I can't afford to live on my own at the moment. Really have no friends.

How do I cope with the loneliness? Well, for one thing, I set goals. One is to save money and pay off debt. Another is to save to pay for the divorce. Another is to just care for my parents and my dogs. But it helps to deal with the loneliness.....SET GOALS FOR YOURSELF.

tolstushki701 · 2017-05-12T18:56:02+00:00

I am in the same boat, but I am 29. I don't go on Instagram anymore. For the past several months I have been focusing on the mcat. It is helping not to steer in that direction. Once you finish with your mcat, go and do things every day, meet people, and socialize. Pre-meds have no life besides studying, and you are not the only one.

DLCss · 2017-05-12T01:02:43+00:00

Just pass med school man. It'll be a huge breakthrough in your life, trust me. You'll feel far more confident if you pass it and of course you can spend more time on what you want to do.

5'7" is a fine height, yes, it's on the shorter side but it is just above the "manlet" tier by a bit.

Trust me, my brother had an issue extremely similar to this. Just do what you need to do in school and I bet a woman WILL fall on your lap (girls love confidence)

Ehcadroj · 2017-05-12T01:31:16+00:00

Girlfriends work by prolonged contact scenarios, like mutual classes or activities. Join a class at the gym and check out what's there. Catch someone's eye, smile, say "Hello" and then introduce yourself. Chances are you'll have at least one mutual interest (eg. the gym) to start a conversation. Ask to see her outside of class or meet for drinks; if she says she has a boyfriend (legit or code for not into you), then politely just let her know that she didn't answer the question. If she still says no, then say you'll see her at the next class. If she says yes, green means go. Ask to see her vagina.

that_italia_guy · 2017-05-12T02:30:33+00:00

It's a feeling. It'll go away.

[deleted] · 2017-05-12T03:37:08+00:00

5'7" isn't all that bad if you lift and build yourself up.

You can easily fit in a Miata and economy airline seats.

Now go think about the possibilities those two facts open up...

bookofcookies · 2017-05-12T06:06:32+00:00

Having a dog and a routine where you do a lot of exercise is really helpful.

[deleted] · 2017-05-12T11:35:13+00:00

I'm 5'8" and I feel like I'm tall. Perception matters.

..but so do midget friends, $CHA CHING$!~

NovicePilgrim · 2017-05-12T14:14:45+00:00

You, Mr.browntable, as all people, are looking for a refuge. And for a refuge I mean a place or a idea wich is certain, that frees you from doubts and wich you can rely on and lean on at difficult times.

Woman are not a refuge. You are pursuing a image fabricated by society that you accepted as true. Instagram is bullshit. Do you trust advertisments? Then why do you trust the "self publicity" that is social media?

The root doubt you are conveying with your post is normal, and impossible to adress with a short answer. Then, I deeply recommend The Book of Pook.

Godspeed

Reading Auvergnat comment, I realized his advice is sound. Spring into action, forget philosophies and books. If you want to get leid, go get laid. The world is yours for the taking.

TheHustlingWizard · 2017-05-12T16:16:57+00:00

Stick to the script You're doing your thing. Get you education and establish yourself as a person. Girls will come and go and try not to be hung up on them.

TheHustlingWizard · 2017-05-12T16:17:01+00:00

Stick to the script You're doing your thing. Get you education and establish yourself as a person. Girls will come and go and try not to be hung up on them.

Sebset · 2017-05-12T18:10:29+00:00

5'7 isn't small it's just not tall. Just grab a good pair of shoes and shoe lifts you'll add 3-4 inches easy and you will feel tall. Celebs and actors do it too.

KenMastersMD · 2017-05-12T19:06:50+00:00

Like with anything worth while in life, it all comes down to time spent sharpening your skill set. You spend hours, days, and weeks prepping for exams. Apply that same strategy pursuing companionship. Spend time building your social circles, pick up a hobby, go out and make new friends.

That being said, finding a girl will not fill the void. You have to come to terms with the fact that we are on our own in this life. Learn to find your happiness within yourself, because at the end of the day everyone around you may leave.

[deleted] · 2017-05-12T20:58:15+00:00

Let's look at this through Brain hormones. When you're not getting physical or emotional contact from women, your brain is experiencing oxytocin deficiencies which makes you feel connectedness and validation. In order to feel better without spending your time finding a women to increase this deficiency you must increase your other feel good hormones (dopamine, serotonin etc) this is done by setting and accomplishing goals, building frame and game (confidence ie, dopamine). You will never fully satisfy that desire to have a women all to yourself until you have one. Use that void and the accompanying pain to make something of yourself. Then, when you've built something of your own, they will come.

kealh · 2017-05-12T23:47:56+00:00

You're 5'7 that tall consider I'm 5'5 wtf.

Excuses365 · 2017-05-13T14:08:14+00:00

Good morning and thanks for sharing your troubled thoughts.

I would caution you from being too consumed in one issue (med school exams) but take a holistic view that nutrition, sufficient sleep and physical fitness all contribute to your overall emotional condition. I have spent 2 years after finishing undergrad working a crushing corporate job but I am now a more stoic and emotionally firm person. I call it intestinal fortitude. Being alone is normal...get to know yourself. Do hobbies (gym, I like the gun range, library has DVDs for movies...walking outside...reading). Know thyself so the enemy won't.

rockstarsheep · 2017-05-14T02:01:51+00:00

Essentially you are alone in life. Being lonely is something else . We're social animals and need to interact with others. You might need to interact more with others. And that doesn't mean on Reddit. Too much of modern life is mediated through a digital interface. That being said, you're also in an important time right now. I think that should be your focus; short term pain, long term gain. It's worthwhile. You're young and there's much ahead of you in terms of ups and downs. I don't say this to patronize you. It's just how it goes.

Now maybe there is a way for you to get some extra interaction; that's not seeking validation. We learn from each other by sharing time together. So, what could you do now?

Chahhhles · 2017-05-21T17:19:32+00:00

2 words, self actualization. It would be a good idea to enjoy what you do have in your life. Enjoy the little things. Like seriously I enjoy being alone now. One of my favorite things to do is to enjoy the morning sun. When I feel the warmth things don't feel lonely. From that, I am much happier during the day which draws happy people to me, which then brings fulfilling relationships.

Title	How do you get over being alone?
Author	brwntable
Upvotes	87
Comments	54
Date	May 11, 2017 10:21 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/6anfye/how_do_you_get_over_being_alone/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/how-do-you-get-over-being-alone.43167 https://theredarchive.com/post/43167

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