How to handle a 'flaky' girl.

DoxasticPoo · 2014-02-19T16:54:06+00:00

If a girl is interested, she will ALWAYS find time

purecyse · 2014-02-19T16:44:54+00:00

She took you back to her place after coffee, kissed you goodnight and you haven't seen her since. And she's the one making plans that pull you in and breaking them...which, then, leaves you in orbit.

And, to make matters worse, you REMAIN in orbit.

You throw out "I've been pretty icy" as if you're gaining some satisfaction from passive aggressive responses, disregarding that, as soon as she contacts you on Facebook, you're waiting hand and foot for her again.

You wouldn't say "next" for 95% of girls. That's not knocking you but, anybody that's been having sex across these two weeks that you haven't seen her wouldn't be here using phrases like "mutual romantic interest", "good connection" or "shared mutual interests" because they would have OPTIONS.

NEVER LET ANY GIRL FLAKE ON YOU THREE TIMES. That's what I would say first.

Next, it's time for you to flip the chess board. It's time for you to tap the eject button on your SNES right as her Princess is about to cross the finish line during that game of Mario Kart. It's time for you to dashboard out of that game of COD after those three quick deaths. etc.

Don't continue to play a losing game. It does look bad, even to her, and SHE'S NOT SORRY.

You're investing time and energy in this chick and she hasn't given you a SINGLE thing of even moderate value. Did she even pay for the coffee?

You need to come straight out and ask to meet up with her at a time and place that YOU set up and, if she doesn't play YOUR GAME, never speak to her again.

JP_Whoregan · 2014-02-19T17:53:24+00:00

Sounds like a game show called "The Ongoing Shit Test", and she's selected you for the bonus round.

insickness · 2014-02-19T16:24:24+00:00

If you had a super busy life but you really liked a girl, do you think you could make time for her? Of course you would. You are option #2 or #3 or maybe even #4 for this girl. Some alpha keeps switching plans on her and you're left out in the cold.

Every time she cancels on you and you allow her to reschedule with a 'Yeah, no problem', it lowers your value. If you finally get this girl out on a date, your value will be so low that you will have zero leverage with her. You don't want to go out on that date because it won't go anywhere.

If a girl cancels on you, you should do the opposite of what most guys do: you should make it harder for her to get another date. If a girl cancels on me, I raise the bar. If she says, "Hey, sorry I can't make it out. Can we do it another time?" I'll respond, "That depends, are you going to wear jeans or a skirt?" I'm a little bit more of a dick to her. I fuck with her more. If she says, "Hey, I can't make it on Thursday. Can we do Sunday?" I might say, "Let me check and get back to you." The next day I'll tell her Sunday works for me.

_Fony_ · 2014-02-19T16:19:09+00:00

looks like a friendzone, walks like a friendzone, quacks like a friendzone. you blew it.

roadywan · 2014-02-19T17:26:15+00:00

You're developing an acute case of onitis.

SRS_alphamail · 2014-02-19T21:19:12+00:00

Soft next, do not contact her. If she really is interested in you, she will contact you. If she has apologized and cancelled well beforehand as to not waste your time I would give her the benefit of the doubt for now.

2014-02-19T16:34:52+00:00

[permanently deleted]

gt35r · 2014-02-19T17:55:28+00:00

OP one of the biggest mistakes I made during my learning period of growing up is making yourself "too" available. I had a girl straight tell me over the phone I had that problem and to this day I'm considered friend zone to her so I just cut all contact. I was exactly like you. But then, I started telling girls I already had plans that night and it was like magic, they started messaging me to hang out. It's crazy how this shit works but the last thing I'll ever do is clear my schedule for a flaker.

trudatness · 2014-02-19T19:40:36+00:00

You want to handle this in a TRP way?

Forget her and move on. Don't contact her. Don't do anything.

Next time you run into her be all smiles and act like you give zero fucks - ignore her.

If she comes chasing after you - you have a chance to reframe - but don't get all drippy dick - be a little cocky and be like "alright I guess we can give it another shot"

If nothing happens, don't even sweat it for a second. Acquire your next target.

rdaily207 · 2014-02-19T17:42:53+00:00

tits or gfto- that seems like an appropriate response.

otiswild · 2014-02-19T17:22:49+00:00

▶▶

drok007 · 2014-02-19T17:02:04+00:00

Why is she making the plans on her terms? Why are you bending to make things happen with her? This is backwards. At best, you blew it. At worst, these are warning indicators.

2014-02-19T18:12:08+00:00

Yeah I am going to have to agree with Fony. You always need to push for sex. Even if she turns you down you will never get punished for trying, only for not.

Hormander · 2014-02-19T19:51:00+00:00

but because we had a good connection, have shared mutual interests and she's smoking hot I want to try one last time.

You're hamstering here.

Be a man, respect your fucking self and never contact that bitch again.

BTW, this kind of post belongs to /r/seduction. Keep that bullshit there next time.

Julian_Berryman · 2014-02-19T18:09:00+00:00

'Mutual romantic interest'? ... the fuck is that?

"I'll be at [bar] on [day] at [time]. After you can play doctor and I'll be patient. See you there."

2014-02-19T20:44:47+00:00

Take the L Don't be a time ho. Or waste your time and money suffering from oneitis. That kiss was meant to hook you and freindzone you. Anyone serious don't play like that.

2014-02-19T20:59:31+00:00

You don't. You just next her and let some beta chump deal with that garbage.

BuckFutter422 · 2014-02-19T21:15:09+00:00

I think you're already out. She could have said no to picking up a shift because she had plans if she wanted to hang out.

Also, at this point you are reaching to hang out, and it makes you give off "I'm cool with being treated kinda shitty" vibe which never looks good and, bluntly, looks weak.

Personally, I would cut my losses and look forward.

robesta · 2014-02-19T21:50:32+00:00

Tell her the only way you'll see her again is drinks at your place.

rattamahatta · 2014-02-19T21:57:24+00:00

There's a fine line between taking shit from somebody and just not giving a fuck. If she contacts you again, don't ask her on a date. Don't make time for her. Say she can tag along where you were going anyway, doing something interesting. Just put her in rotation, the way she did with you.

2014-02-20T03:07:20+00:00

I'd say there's two options. I mean, in her defense it's entirely possible she did have things come up, and it is unreasonable to expect her to commit to you, a relative stranger, over the life she already has.

1: "Hey, its 5:00. I'll be at your place in 30, I know of a great (insert food thing here) and we can get some dinner."

The critical thing is to make sure it's phrased and timed in a way where she has to either commit or not commit. There's no wait. There is no maybe. If she tries to back pedal and say, "oh I gotta work" say, "oh, I'll visit and we can talk over your break" or something. If she says she has to study, say you can help. The key here is, again, phrasing. Don't offer to help. Say you'll do it.

2: "If you're not interested you can just tell me no."

Give her a way out. A lot of women fail to realize that when they think they're doing you a favor they're really just insulating themselves from having to make a potentially bad decision, and leaving it up to the winds of fate. It's the "not making a choice still lets me make a choice" option.

Stayinghereforreal · 2014-02-19T16:29:12+00:00

My response would be "This does not look bad, it is bad. You need to make the next plans and extend yourself by inviting me if you want any more of my time." Why focus on "ensuring a date" with her? She clearly doesn't give nearly as much of a shit as you, otherwise she would he at your place sucking your face.

FortunateBum · 2014-02-19T20:52:19+00:00

I would just keep her on the list. Don't make plans anymore. Don't ever expect her to show up. Invite her if you and friends are hanging out, parties, etc. Try booty calling her every now and then. That's all.

Might want to drop subtle brags about your status. Like, "Celebrating my new promotion at Larry's bar with friends tonight. 9pm." Shit like that.

Sturmgeist781 · 2014-02-19T21:10:10+00:00

This quote while not TRP-esque applies...

"Time is money nigga, don't waste mine." - Fredro Starr

Kimjungillestt · 2014-02-19T22:45:17+00:00

Idk if it was said yet or not but once again I would bring up the whole Brad Pitt analogy. Do you think she would do the same thing to him? If so then she's being genuine. If she would blow you off but you don't think she would do the same to him then ditch the girl.

deville05 · 2014-02-20T00:13:58+00:00

Well maybe for now it can be salvaged. Next time she asks you out.. Say yr busy.. If she asks to reschedule.. Say you will check and get back to her. Dont be eager to get back to her. Take a day or two and let her know. Then when you have a plan set, flake on her on that day. (though im not sure if that last one is a good idea. Im just a noob. Maybe more experienced trprs can clear this up)

But keep us posted. I would like to know what advise you get, what you choose to listen to and apply and what results it gives you.

3rt41 · 2014-02-20T09:22:20+00:00

slcjosh · 2014-02-20T19:34:27+00:00

"I know this looks bad and I'm sorry, but just be patient with me and we'll get together soon".

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahha

just text her back "nah". and dont contact her again.

N_E_THING_4_CUM · 2014-02-21T04:06:01+00:00

I met a really cool chick at a party one time. Probably a good 8/10, possibly 7/10... anyways we had sex that night I met her. Two days later I pick her up, we watch Gladiator, and had more sex. I figured that I could see myself dating her. I tried two times with her to take her our and both times she flaked completely. I'm not talking flaking like not answering when it's go time, I'm talking she told me she straight up changed plans on me for her friends an hour before type of flaking.

The first one is a freeby. The second is do or die. Flake on me twice and I never speak to you again, even if you try your hardest.

nuone99 · 2014-02-21T05:13:46+00:00

I see nothing to be too concerned about here. Don't get psychologically attached, and just roll with it.

tommywazear2 · 2014-02-21T12:10:18+00:00

Prime example of why you should always be spinning plates

Lovesbrownies · 2014-02-19T21:11:42+00:00

Call her out on being flaky, set up a date and time to meet and then cancel.

rickaboy · 2014-02-19T20:33:48+00:00

Long time reader? Then you should know this belongs in /r/asktrp !

mercuryg · 2014-02-19T21:51:16+00:00

Well, i'd say next but here's some advice. You should've escalated for sex the first date, definetly. Also, even if you manage to get a second date with her, your value will be super low because of all these flakes.

So not only are chances slim for a date, chances are even slimmer for anything happening on said date. That doesn't mean i wouldn't try though, personally i like to be 100% sure it's over before i walk away.

I'd take one last shot, play with her but at the same time very aggressive "getting real tired of your shit name, we're meeting this Xday Ytime Zplace this is your last chance", something like that. I don't care if i sound mad at this point cus she deserves it.

monsieurhire2 · 2014-02-19T21:26:49+00:00

"Twice since she's contacted me on Facebook and made plans . . . . "

There is your mistake. You let her take the lead, now she's running roughshod over you. In all likelihood, you are her backup plan to make some other guy jealous, or in case the other guy doesn't work out.

There's probably some other guy jerking her around, and so, as a consequence, she's jerking you around.

In the good old days, people had more integrity, and would just simply not make plans. Now people break their word left and right like it's nothing.

2014-02-20T01:15:02+00:00

At least she is coming back and contacting you again. She may genuinely be busy and having a hard time.

In my experience, genuine flakes do not re-initiate contact.

MahlerNinth · 2014-02-20T02:50:28+00:00

If someone flakes, just give them the ellipsis game (see Heartiste) treatment. "..." in response to any flakey hamstering bullshit will get the wheel in overdrive.

madamayb · 2014-02-20T04:28:39+00:00

How to deal with flaky girls: Next Them. End of discussion.

bonekeeper · 2014-02-19T18:29:42+00:00

DROP THAT ZERO AND GET YOURSELF A HERO!

Title	How to handle a 'flaky' girl.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	37
Comments	75
Date	February 19, 2014 4:11 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1yco0d/how_to_handle_a_flaky_girl/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/how-to-handle-a-flaky-girl.11556 https://theredarchive.com/post/11556

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