Roman Ladies’ Farce upon Marcus Aurelius, and his Satire of Women in Reply

Summary: A group of women tried to make a public mockery of Roman Emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius, parading around with a statue of him with "Feet of Straw, Legs of Wood, Thighs of Brass, Belly of Horn, Arms of Pitch" etc. He responds with a scathing, sarcastic and downright vicious public letter, not only condemning their pathetic attempt to defame him, but exposing some pretty scandalous secrets about them. And he does it with composure, humor and touch of cruel irony.

Here are a few of the most deliciously slanderous nuggets with commentary:

Truly that Man has a great deal to suffer, many Wiles to find out, a long time to Think, much Assistance to require, many Years to wait, many Women to search amongst, before he shall meet with one that will be govern’d by Reason.

Men will torture themselves trying to find a decent woman capable of reason and dignity.

The Gods have made Man wise, and endu’d Beasts with natural Instinct, yet are neither of them able to defend themselves against the Subtilties of Woman. Her Obstinacy also is not less remarkable than her Cunning; for if she has a mind to Stay, no Spur can make her go forward; and if on the contrary she enclines to go, no Reins can hold her in. In a Word, no Law can bind her, Shame restrain her, Fear abash her, nor Punishment reform her.

Don't bother trying to control women, she'll do whatever she wants and all you can do is accept it or next.

Now a days the most simple of the Sex, will pretend to Wit; and yet the wisest of them swerves from Wisdom. They know not how little they know, and how much they are ignorant. They will determine suddenly upon the most arduous Matters, as if they had study’d for it a Thousand Years.

The hamster at work, making her feel wise and educated without being either.

Yet if you contradict them in their Opinions, they will take you for the very worst of Enemies.

I think we've all experienced this before. Never argue with a woman, it's a waste of time, and she'll just start slinging insults when you're right.

Bold is that Woman who presumes to give Advice to a Man, but much bolder he that thinks fit to take it. As he is a Fool that hearkens to it, so is he much more that asks it, and yet more that follows it.

No shit...

I have often wonder’d how a Man can dote on a Woman so much, as to gaze on her all Day, tumble about with the Thoughts of her all Night, be continually enquiring after her when Absent, and when present making her offers of Service; chuse Darkness before Light, prefer Solitude to Company, torment himself incessantly, and all about such a trifle as Love? In this Case he neither hearkens to the Counsel of his Friends, the Reflections of his Enemies, the Danger of his Life, the Hazard of his Honour, or the Loss of his estate; nor during this Enthusiasm, ever sees with his Eyes, hears with his Ears, tastes with his Mouth, or feels with his Hand. All his Senses are surrender’d up to Love, and all his Resolutions dedicated to Folly.

Orbiting, white-knighting, etc.

And that's not all, the whole letter is just chock full of awesome. Spoiler: most of the women who tried to publicly shame him were adulterous whores, and he calls each of them out on it with specific details. You'll have to read it to find out. You just can't make this shit up.

Lessons learned: The red pill is nothing new, it's just what men have known for centuries, but have lost to political correctness. Even the ancient stoics knew it all along, and only a fool would willingly ignore the obvious truths.

Edits: minor grammar corrections.