Neither Monogamy nor Polygamy

DoubleConversation4 · 2021-07-11T01:36:51+00:00

can't handle jealousy

relatively handsome so I do quite well on dating apps, to the point where I can have a steady supply.

Abundance mindset should have cut off jealousy completely from your system. Unless you're associating your success with girls to something else, that when you feel jealous, you don't actually feel jealous as part of your natural biological programming in order to mate guard, but you do feel jealous, because when they prefer someone else over you, when that these women are not obsessed with you, it does mean something else, and you're feeling jealous over that fact.

Most men try to fill the hole in their soul with success on pulling girls, with their body-counts, you say it. So, if you are suffering from self-esteem issues, that may be it, and you should look inwards to solve it.

On the otherhand, true love is jealous, it's burning, it's possessive, when you truly love something, you want it for yourself, you don't want particularly want it to be happy or content, you do want it for yourself, you want to own it, that's your first priority first and foremost, then happiness comes second, that also may be the case,

For your question, monogamy is a negative-sum game for you. If you go down the route of monogamy, you'll have scarcity mindset in short time, which is going to increase your feelings of jealousy, and your partner will sniff that out, it will make you weak, so you're going to have feelings of jealousy no matter what, those feelings may also be induced by shit-tests and it will cause you to fail the shit test, so I'd say go with polygamy, and keep fucking, when you feel like you're getting attached, leave.

the1truthteller · 2021-07-11T05:55:59+00:00

You’re insecure, man. If they’re just plates, you shouldn’t care if they’re fucking other dudes. It’s obvious through your post that you’re really just looking for people to stroke your ego. You’re trying to “influence” and essentially save people so you can feel good about yourself. If anything, it’s kinda selfish that you’re trying to invade people’s boundaries just so you can do this. All that says is your jealousy is rooted in insecurity. You can’t handle these girls thinking of you as anything less than #1. That’s weak as hell. Who cares what they think? You should have so many other things preoccupying your mind.

adam-l · 2021-07-11T04:56:07+00:00

The solution to your problem is this: you need to be so hot, that women want to be with you exclusively even if it means sharing you with other women.

Now you just have to solve the problem how to be that hot.

MrNegative79 · 2021-07-11T02:12:30+00:00

your issues are about control and ownership

much of our current culture is about owning goods, people are like goods, have to learn to let go

have to appreciate the time with someone and not think of them as a possession

monogamy is nice when it works but we know it generally falls apart over time, either go for short-term monogamous relationships as in up to a few years or just spin plates

there is no simple solution

crowexplorer · 2021-07-11T05:25:35+00:00

A lot of TRP members claim that jealousy stems from society "conditioning" you, but I don't buy that.

Any of us who have been blue-pilled-deeply-in-love with a woman who treated us like we were the center of our universe, then got dumped for some other man who she suddenly treats like the center of her universe, knows what jealousy and hurt feels like.

It's that feeling that she must find the other guy to be better than you.

Well, it's true. She does consider him to be a better man(for whatever reason). Of course you feel jealous.

But being red-pilled(wise), you know that just because she considers him to be a better man, doesn't make it true, that's just her opinion. And even if he is better than you in some way, well, there's always going to be guys who best you at something.

Being red-pilled means not putting much stock into a woman's opinion. And certainly not letting their opinion have any bearing on your self-esteem.

That being said, the intimacy that the OP is talking about is part fantasy. To even get in that frame of mind, you have to consider her to be some sort of exception to the rule, have faith that she's not going to dump you like a chump if a better option ever comes along. It's a lot like religion, it's a wonderful fantasy to live in, (you're special, and everything is going to be ok)but ultimately, it is just a fantasy.

And many men have gotten destroyed believing in it.

El0vution · 2021-07-11T03:39:34+00:00

They’re fucking other guys and there’s nothing you can do about it. Just accept that and your jealousy will disappear.

Realist234567 · 2021-07-11T08:30:48+00:00

Il give you a different perspective as a former “shagger” but now happily married man.

You need to study women and learn the different types. Primarily 3 categories exist to my mind; - sluts/cheaters: fuck them and move on - crazy bitches: identify early and avoid at all costs - marriage material: these are rare nowadays but still exist. If you find one, make them yours.

I managed to find one and made a conscious decision to drop my dark ways and have a stab at a faithful marriage. She took some persuading but I am a master of manipulating the mind, she could not resist in the end.

I trust this woman with my life. If we ever did separate it would be mutual and I would want her to have 50% of everything. Such is the caliber of her stock. Do not mistake me for being naive. I am savage af. But I also know when Iv got a good one.

The number one piece of advice I can give you is take the control early. Set your stall out, be brutal physiologically and they will bend to your will. There was a power struggle with us which i won because I always win as I know how. Now she is an excellent wife and outstanding mother and I have full faith it will remain that way for the rest of our lives.

Society is fucked. We all know this. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t women out there who are still worth making a life with. Marriage has become a joke in many cases but it all depends on the motivations and intentions of the marriage and the people involved.

oooKenshiooo · 2021-07-11T01:16:57+00:00

Have a main girl who is with you exclusively, openly fuck chicks on the side / do threesomes.

Be upfront with that expectation if you are ever confronted with her asking for an LTR.

mrCU64 · 2021-07-11T02:30:13+00:00

I think what you want is polygyny.

Polygyny, the practice wherein a man has more than one wife at the same time, is by far the most common form of polygamy.

hiktaka · 2021-07-11T04:17:21+00:00

Be a muslim and go to Saudi man. 4 wives and those are exclusively yours.

delusionalubermensch · 2021-07-11T01:01:07+00:00

This is exactly me and I’m here for the responses.

zino193 · 2021-07-11T07:21:51+00:00

Someone drank the feminst coolaid.

You can't see how monogamy is healthy but then in the next paragraph you talk about needing intimacy and connection.

My dude, stop spending so much time alone with your hamster. (i.e. meditating)

Now that we are done with the life advice let's do philosophy. People that you get into a poly relationship have their attachment process fucked up(you and I included). We require abundance because we have learned people are flaky and we want to shield ourselfs from being alone with just ourselfs and our partner. It's a cope. You are not awesome for doing this, you are compensating for your inability to be emotionally open with just one person. Because that shit is much scarier than anything you can do in 3-4 or 20 people.

Philosophy aside, the way you frame it:

that my thinking is we should try to assist one another if possible.

You want a sex cult my dude. Poly people are flaky and independent, for the above reasons - but you also want them to be codepend and listen to your spiritual guiding? Yeah, there's a small intersection between people with attachment issues and idealization. (since you can't get the loyalty from attachment, the next best thing is neurotic idealization of the partner). And those people are very messed up - incapable of intimacy but starving for a connection that validates them.

Maybe I am wrong and you're not doing this intentionally - but holy shit dude, with this sort of filter you are literally screening for BPD women. You need to pick - insecure, emotionally void - but with closed off ego. Or emotionally open but with a strong sense of identity and stable personality.

Sharmanix · 2021-07-11T01:07:44+00:00

I'm in the same boat brother, the only advice I could give is to keep plates spinning and always have options, as she might go with another man, but will always come crawling back to you.

NixValentine · 2021-07-11T03:05:38+00:00

[permanently deleted]

knowledgelover94 · 2021-07-11T04:21:57+00:00

I can relate to a lot of this. I’ve heard TRP people advocate for informal polyamory where you both just don’t talk about it, but eventually (in my experience) the girl wants to know where you stand and what the rules are.

Polyamory is a good deal to me, and if you’re worried about jealousy (which of course we all innately have) ask to not hear about it or see it. What you don’t perceive can’t hurt you right? What helps you cope with it too is reaping the benefits of multiple partners. If she’s getting a cock buffet and she’s still your only option, it’s not a very good deal for you. If you’re getting a pussy buffet and you experience some slight jealousy over your arrangement with a partner, what are you gonna do, cancel the buffet to nail down one good dish?

Jealousy is manageable while monogamy is a dead end. I recommend finding an arrangement that works for you in polyamory that doesn’t incite too much jealousy.

PMmeareasontolive · 2021-07-11T04:15:09+00:00

Do the issues with monogamy surface right away, or develop over time? I'm thinking that many relationships have a life span of a few months to a few years, and there's nothing wrong with that.

I like the project of monogamy, but I want to have many lovers. Letting each relationship last as long as it will has been my solution. It's not for everyone, lots of people seem to resent the idea of not working on a relationship after the wheels have fallen off. But every relationship is work, unless you are somehow blessed, even the short term ones. People object that this view regards people as disposable, but it does not. When a relationship ends you can transition to a friendship (maybe after a cooling off period). You can still be grateful for the relationship you had even though it developed into something else.

shucksdang · 2021-07-11T01:00:02+00:00

see, this is where polygamy really breaks down. i like it when it relates to me, but not my partner/partners.

ClickKlakk · 2021-07-11T01:46:02+00:00

I just get intimate with everybody. I love openly, all people I choose to interact with. I get deep. I care. I connect. Guys, girls, whatever. If the interaction sucks, I don’t seek that person out anymore. But I’m genuinely close with lots of people, including the different women I sleep with. Even if it’s day one, though it does grow over time. I know I will die one day, as will everybody I know. So I’m just trying to know them and enjoy them, whoever they may be.

IMBDD619 · 2021-07-11T01:07:17+00:00

In my opinion, the best response to this feeling is to find a ltr that is open to having threesomes with other women with you. You have to be able to handle watching your girl with other women though but I enjoy that, so I don't mind. I would never share my ltr with another man, and she understands that and doesn't expect it at all.

thefailedking09 · 2021-07-11T02:21:30+00:00

I think OP should just stick to monogamy because It doesn't seem OP is ready for an equal sharing of sexual needs in a polygamous relationship.OP wants to have intimacy with a women, but also be sexually available for other women. Seems alright, but there will be a conversation where OP's SO will want to have a man instead of another women in the threesome. Just as much as OP wants other pussy, a polygamous women will want to fuck other dicks.

It will mess with OP's head seeing their emotionally invested SO enjoying a bigger better harder dick while her toes curl from another man. There may be a time where you can't fulfill her sexual needs, and she need hour long sessions of other men. If you are about polygamy then you would let her enjoy better dick because at the end of the day she is your SO. But you have to be okay with her being someone else's cum bucket just as she would seeing you with other women. You will come off as a red flag by having women only.

So no polygammy, no monogammy, maybe just be honest about being wanting to have a sexually fling with protection. Yes protection because otherwise you come off as someone with STD's if this is your lifestyle.

avoiding_a_stalker · 2021-07-11T01:29:06+00:00

Jealousy isn’t necessarily a feeling we should never experience. It’s just like anger, sadness, or any other “negative” emotion. It’s just a matter of dealing with it appropriately. That might take a lot of time and effort; is it worth that to be polyamorous or is monogamy a better option for you?

There are good support subreddits (which after having my first comment removed, I’ve learned I cannot mention by name) that you can look into. They might not be particularly supportive of TRP, though, so do with that what you wish.

Anyways, if finding a way to deal with the jealousy so you can be polyamorous is what you’re going for, do some introspection (as you already seem to) and see if you can figure out what the jealousy stems from. Is it insecurity/feeling like you’re not good enough? Is it a worry you won’t get your needs met? Feeling like your partner won’t stick around? There are hundreds of things that can cause jealousy so unpacking that gives you a better idea as to how to approach it.

Lastly, if you do decide to pursue polyamory, keep a strong support system of friends, family, partners, etc. It makes some of those things a lot easier to handle.

Also, you could possibly look into polygyny, though I’ve found that typically leads to incredibly unhealthy relationship dynamics. It’s typically associated with intense religious beliefs as well as control issues, abuse, etc. It may be an easier solution but don’t take it lightly.

Best of luck!

angry-neckbeard · 2021-07-11T01:26:51+00:00

Most of these comments are missing OP's point.

OP doesn't like letting his side chicks bang other guys, it is distasteful to him. The comments saying, "Well just have a main girl" are missing the main issue that most of us no longer believe in monogamy. How are we supposed to reconcile the main issue of unfaithful women?

I can only say that being rich and going to a polygamous country is your best bet IMO OP. You can keep a harem and divorce the cheating wives while keeping the faithful ones. Yes most of them are in Africa, I don't know what else to tell you. Buy a yacht?

coucoulavie · 2021-07-11T17:47:14+00:00

I wonder how old you are, that could help me to answer you better.

If you're only dating with girls that you meet on Tinder (or similar), I think it's going to be hard to find open-minded girls, with who you could share deep intimacy without engagement.

In my opinion, what you're missing is totally possible, just don't take it too seriously, it will come by itself. Again in my opinion, forcing meetings does not always the job.

What you're looking for is not mainstream, so avoid mainstream ways.

Sorry if my english is not correct, good luck man

coucoulavie · 2021-07-11T17:39:13+00:00

"I am relatively handsome so I do quite well on dating apps"

God, should I laugh or cry ?

Ave_Melchom · 2021-07-11T16:54:46+00:00

I'm generally with subs (which, in my experience, almost all women are), so take this with a grain of salt.

I tend to have multiple concurrent "affectionate friends with benefits" and/or girlfriends - I'm very upfront with the fact that I'm not into monogamy, but if the girl wants to be mine, she's only mine until she or I decide she isn't.

Just be honest, straightforward, dominant (not a dick, dominant, there's a tremendous difference!) and absolutely willing to just walk out the door if she isn't what you're looking for.

tradsouthernmale · 2021-07-11T02:21:01+00:00

Form an LTR with a quality woman who'll give you monogamy, but will accept your fucking other girls.

My current girl is amazing in bed and cool with threesomes, so I feel this problem is mostly solved for myself.

bouncypoo · 2021-07-11T13:58:07+00:00

You are getting emotionally attached. if you have a ton of women as you claim then sure you will vibe with some more than the others, but ultimately you know they can easily be replaced. Why get jealous ??? You already know they have been ran through , they cheat , they lie, they manipulate. Just have fun, you know their nature.

sabanMiles11 · 2021-07-11T02:43:09+00:00

Fundamentally, you should aspire for monogamy. The only reason you do “plates” is to get to the level that you know you can have a large choice of women. It’s solely to be able to negotiate. You claim you don’t like monogamy, yet your entire post claims that’s what you want. So do that. It isn’t hard

DareyFathom · 2021-07-11T02:19:54+00:00

You can either be a top 1% man to hold that leverage in the west or move to an underdeveloped country where polygamy is common.

ToughAnswers · 2021-07-11T01:26:55+00:00

Just keep discarding before you start caring about who else she's fuckin

Title	Neither Monogamy nor Polygamy
Author	FullVinceMode
Upvotes	52
Comments	73
Date	July 11, 2021 12:55 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/ohupm0/neither_monogamy_nor_polygamy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/neither-monogamy-nor-polygamy.791299 https://theredarchive.com/post/791299

Comments