Summary: So many posts on AskTRP about men going on first dates and not getting a second one and wondering why. It's because they made way too many mistakes. Here is my guide on how to properly do a first "date".

1) Change your mindset on what a first "date" is.

Men are programmed the wrong way about the whole idea of a first date. The standard concept most men have of a date is wrong. It's completely in the female frame. The blue pill definition of a date means picking up a woman in your car, driving her to a restaurant, opening doors for her, paying for her meal, driving her home, and so on. Everything revolves around her. She is the center of attention. Specifically, the blue pill definition of a first date is one that is casual, relaxed, where the two sit across a table from one another and talk to each other a bunch and get to know each other.

That's not the right way to go about it. You need to deprogram yourself from the blue pill mindset on what a date is.

Me? I don't do "dates". Specifically early. Definately not for a first "date". I do meet ups early on. Not dates.

Stop framing it as a "date". I'll call them "dates" for the purpose of this article just to make it easier.

The purpose of a first "date" is to demonstrate your value. Specifically, demonstrate that you have a fun and exciting life to where she will want to continue be a part of it. At the same time, you see how she behaves, and whether or not she is worthy of another go.

A see a lot of this on AskTRP. They make their first date one that fits the blue pill definition and wonder why they don't get a 2nd.

2) The first "date" begins before you even approach.

First impressions matter. Don't think you can act like a beta fool before you get a "date" set up and then fix yourself once the actual "date" begins. Your first "date" is simply an extension of your initial approach and logistic setups.

You have to be in the right frame and hold it before you ever speak to the woman. Then when you approach, and set up logistics for a "date", you have to continue to hold frame and not be a beta.

Just because she agrees to go out with you, doesn't mean you have won. A lot of women use betas for free meals, resources, etc. and will go out with them just for that.

I see this on AskTRP all the time. They got a date and it went shitty and they didn't get a 2nd one. I read their post and realize they dug their own grave before the date even started by being a beta on the approach or when setting up logistics.

3) Set up your first "date" no more than 48 hours after your approach.

Do not waste any time. Women have short attention spans. They are always looking to branch swing. Approach, get the number, and set something up as soon as possible. I saw an AskTRP post wondering why this woman flaked on him after agreeing to go out. It was because he set up the date 10 days out.

When you approach and get a number, the clock is ticking. Set up logistics ASAP. Don't be a coward. Don't wait for the "right time".

4) Make it on your terms, not hers.

Do not ask her when she is avaliable. Do not ask her when she can meet up. Do not ask her if she wants to meet up. Do not ask her any questions at all. You tell her the time and location and its up to her to accept or deny. Women don't know what they want. You have to tell them.

5) Once plans are set, go radio silent.

The only communication you should have with her between the logistic setup and your "date" is to confirm plans a couple of hours before the agreed time. That's it. Of my 2+ years on AskTRP, this is probably the biggest mistake I see guys make and it always leads to flakes or no 2nd dates. They continue to talk to the woman in between. They still snap chat with her or talk to her on social media or text her. Don't do that.

Let me tell you a story of my beta days in college. An HB8 asked me to study for the final with her. I was delighted. I was excited. I enthusiastically agreed. I viewed this as a green light to talk to her all the time, because hey, she wants to study with me, so that must mean she is into me. It backfired, and she flaked from studying with me, despite her being the one to ask me to study.

Less is more. Once plans are set up, withdraw.

6) It's a meetup. Not a date.

I always have her meet me somewhere on the first go. I never pick her up or take her to the location. She always meets me there. How does she get there? Not my problem.

Places to avoid on a first "date": Movie theatres, sporting events, amusement parks. Anywhere where her focus will not be on you.

7) Have her join you in progress.

I always get to the agreed upon venue 30 minutes before the agreed upon time. For example, a bar. I'll get there 30 minutes early. I'll start drinking 30 minutes before she arrives. Maybe get some food too. I'll start interacting with others. If it's a restaurant, I'll start out in the bar area and get a drink and an appetizer or something.

This way when she gets there, she already sees you are having a good time and is joining you. This will take away the awkwardness and silence that comes from a first meetup. It is a lot less intimidating. Doing this frames it as if she is joining into your exciting life.

8) A little less conversation, a little more action

There is a song by Elvis called just that, A Little Less Conversation. I suggest you all listen to it. It is exactly what you need to do.

The #1 way to dry up a woman like the Sahara is to talk too much. I am not saying don't talk to them at all, but the 2/3 rule applies. 2/3 maximum. Say no more than 2/3 what she says to you.

Of the 1st date failures I see on AskTRP, this is probably the #1 culprit. Usually I wil see "We talked for hours" or "We talked to each other for a long time" or "We got to know each other really well". And then ask why she didn't want a 2nd date.

Be mysterious. Why be in such a hurry to divulge your entire biography and life story into her on the first "date"? Women will not be interested going forward if they have extracted everything there is to know about you after one night. Women are attracted to the mysterious, to the unknown. I am not saying don't get to know each other, just let the details trickle out of you slowly, not flow rapidly.

9) Girls just want to have fun

Another song that speaks the truth. Girls just want to have fun.

The first "date" is where you show the woman that you are a man who has fun anywhere he goes and has an exciting life. That is what gets a woman wanting more and wanting to go out with you again. She had fun with you. She knows if she goes out with you again, she will have fun again.

Sitting at a table and just talking isn't having fun. She won't want to do that again. Why would she? It's boring.

Be active. Be fun. Talk to others. Show your value.

10) You are the center of attention, not her.

Defeat the blue pill definition of date where the woman is the center of attention and everything is done for her satisfaction.

On the first "date", you are the center of attention. You control what happens. You are in the drivers seat. You set the tone. You take the lead. Do not defer to her on anything. Again, women don't know what they want. You have to tell them what they want.

Do what you want to do. Take charge. The only decision a woman should make on the first "date" is whether or not to jump in with you. One of the many purposes of a first "date". To see if she is a team player and will follow your lead, or if she is selfish.

11) Defeat the inevitable shit tests.

You will get shit tested. It will happen. There are some questions you just don't need to answer on the first date. The biggest one probably being "What do you do for a living?". I always respond to this shit test by flipping it back on her, "What do you do for a living?". When it gets flipped back to me, I just say "I work" and leave it at that.

12) Escalate until you get the hard no.

This may be the most important one.

Too many betas go on first dates saying it will be strictly casual, no escalation.

Then you have guys who go too far, saying if she doesn't put out on the first date, they are moving on.

Don't do ultimatums.

I will say this - better to escalate too much than too little.

Women will feel insulted after a first "date" if the man didn't escalate enough. They will also view the man as a weak coward. Too little escalation is a death sentence going forward, even if everything else went right. It's very common on AskTRP. Not enough escalation, and they get no 2nd date and wonder why.

Gradually escalate(Verbal, Kino, it doesn't matter) until she gives resistance. Then withdraw, wait a while, and escalate again. Escalate early and often. See how far you can go until you get a hard, definitive no. Not necessarily a "No" coming out of her mouth, but read her facial expressions and body language. You will know when she is implying "That's enough", instead of just doing ASD/LMR for plausible deniability.

If you can bed her on the first "date", great. If not, as long as you escalated as far as you could go, you did your job.

Whatever you do, do not reject yourself. Rejecting yourself is basically being too scared to escalate further because "she may not like it". Make her be the one to put a stop to it.

13) Keep the communication to a minimum after the first "date"

When the "date" is over and you both go your seperate ways - resist the urge to reach out to her to let her know you had a good time. Be mysterious, don't say anything about it.

Resist the urge to have meaningless conversations or interactions with her afterward. Don't just talk just to talk. Don't snapchat her just to snapchat. Don't text her just to text. That is entering her frame.

The post-first "date" period should be used to demonstrate that you aren't just sitting around, having her run through your mind, fantasizing about the next time you meet up. It should be where you demonstrate that you have a lot of shit going on in your fun, exciting life and you don't have time to talk or text her or sit around and think about her. You do this by not communicating with her.

If she reaches out to you, fine. Give her short, brief answers that imply that you have too much going on to just chat, so she is the one who cuts if off.

This is common on AskTRP. First date went great, but she flaked for the 2nd one. Common cause is that the guy talked and invested way too much into the women in between dates and made himself too available.

14) The logistics for the 2nd "date" should be done on your terms.

This is a big one. A lot of guys ask how long they should wait after the first "date" before reaching out to her to set up logistics for a 2nd one. They feel if they don't wait long enough, they look to available and needy. They feel if they wait too long, they will come off as not interested and she will find someone else.

There is no right or wrong answer. Do it when it works for you. If you want to set up logistics the next day, fine. If you want to do it a week from now, fine. If you did your job on the first "date", it won't matter, she will want to see you again so it doesn't matter when you contact her. The 48 hour rule still applies. Set up the 2nd "date" no more than 48 hours from the time you communicate with her for the logistics.

That does it for the first "date" guide. I'll write a guide for 2nd "dates" soon.

Lessons Learned:

  • The purpose of a first "date" isn't to talk to each other and get to know each other personally. It's to demonstrate to the woman that you have a fun, exciting life and if she is with you, you two will always have a good time because that is who you are - fun and exciting.

  • You can destroy your first date before you even approach by being a beta. You have to hold frame and adhere to TRP principles from the very first approach. Just because she agreed to go out with you doesn't mean shit.

  • Women have short attention spans. Arrange the date quickly and on your terms. It should only be up to her whether to accept or deny your plans of when and where. Have her meet you there, don't pick her up and take her to the chosen venue.

  • Once the date is set up - do not communicate with her at all, only to confirm plans a couple hours before.

  • It's a lot easier for both of you if you are already having a good time when she gets there. It makes it less intimidating for her, and less awkward for you. It gives you a head start on it all.